Megan (00:02.749)

Hi everyone, welcome back. My name is Megan Nelson and I'm here with my trusted co-host, Pauline Walfisch Today Pauline is introducing our guest.

Pauline (00:13.994)

Hello everybody and thank you, Megan. I'm Pauline Walfisch and I am super excited to introduce our guest today. So the man behind the keyboard is my friend, Dave Roman and also David, but we know him as Dave. and he has agreed to be here today to to do a special episode with us for Father's Day, and we're just gonna ignore the fact that he's wearing a Mets jersey.

Megan (00:43.515)

We said no politics

David (00:43.657)

That's funny.

Pauline (00:45.248)

Yeah. I mean he could have worn a Knicks jersey today.

David (00:50.281)

We're we're going to the game, my son and I go to the game, he wanted to wear his Mets jersey and sometimes we do matches and that's what this is.

Megan (00:56.721)

That's allowed.

Pauline (00:57.088)

I mean the thing the things that we do for our kids. so Dave is, as you can see behind the keyboard, he is a audio engineer, he is an entrepreneur, he is a musician at heart. I think his most infamous role has been as the fourth band member in the band called the Three Jerks. We'll go down in history.

as the best name ever. They did play CBGB's one time, and I had to use the bathroom, so I will the bathroom at C BGB's, I will never forget that experience. but we had we had some fun times. And throughout that time, Dave became a dad. So it's been fun watching you when we were trying to figure out who we're gonna get on the

podcast for this episode, I thought about your recent performance of a Broadway princess song at your child's PTA and I thought, Dave is gonna be good for this.

Megan (02:11.482)

Tell tell us more about that. What's this?

David (02:15.109)

well, so I have a drama degree. and I used to I was the guy always in the play. I mean, geez, since first grade, basically, right? homemade bunny costume by my father and everything, and I forget the name, but you know, been doing that forever. Always loved performing, grew up on musicals, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, all that kind of stuff. That's kind of like the there are probably if anyone

If any of my friends or or you know colleagues or anything that are listening to this, they're gonna hear that and go, really, Dave, the guy that listens to like thrash metal and hardcore and all that kind of stuff and s usually starts the mosh Pit. Yeah, I grew up on on all that. so I always love performing, you know, is w whether it was Shakespeare or a musical or whatever. So anyway, fast forward to nowadays.

and not really having much opportunity to do that kind of thing. we live in a in an area here where the the the school is particularly small for a New York City sm school. and thankfully the community is pretty darn good at like as far as the PTA and all that kind of thing. And

in one of the meetings somebody said, Hey, we're thinking of doing a fundraiser. We're constantly raising funds because unfortunately our school is an appeal school, whole different thing. But basically we have to raise most of the money. So someone had the idea to do this and I immediately said, Sure, I'll do it. You know, like yeah.

Pauline (03:53.654)

All right, give us give us give us a line.

David (03:56.412)

A line? It was mostly songs, but yeah, I did what what so I've gosh, I can't think of anything right now. I sang I I did sing I sang Let It Go, which was pitched down, obviously. Yeah, no, I can't do that, Edina Menzel. No, I'm a Barry that can't do that. we did a Toy Story number, and then actually we just did it this year a couple of months ago.

Pauline (03:58.765)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean sing a single line, whatever you call it.

Pauline (04:05.636)

I didn't tell him I was gonna make him sing.

Megan (04:12.082)

I was gonna say a little high. Yeah.

David (04:25.747)

Which we did completely other things. did Million Dreams. A million dreams are keeping me awake. A million dreams for the world we're gonna make. That kind of thing. Dressed up in costume, whatnot. Yeah. So it's fun and and and and therapeutic in some ways. actually, you know, it's it's both.

Pauline (04:52.704)

It's more therapeutic than you realize, Dave.

David (04:56.217)

I I suspected it would be and I was happy that it turned out the way it did. It was also a you know, a ton of work, a ton of additional stress that I don't need. trying to schedule rehearsals and everything. But but you know everyone else is going through the same thing, so it's not it it's not unique to you. but the outcome of it, not to mention the fact that, you know, you get to go out there and

do that and in my case it was like, you know, my kids, yeah, and they've never seen me do anything like that. They've never seen me do a lot of things, right? Like, you know, I'll hop, you know, the first time I hopped on a skateboard and they were on their their scooters and I did a slappy on the curb, they were like, wow, pop. And it's like, guys, that's the easiest trick and probably the only one I can do at my age these days. But like this is what this is what I used to do, right? but they never seen that. So to go up there and

Pauline (05:47.843)

Ha ha.

Mm-hmm.

David (05:53.926)

mostly for my daughter to show her like, yeah, you know, this is I can do this, you know. it was fun. But then also the the part that I you know I I didn't really know was gonna happen and I'm so glad it did is so the the the rehearsal the the whole thing was it was all dad's and they they were it was it started out as

Disney Dads, because the whole thing was we were going to perform Disney numbers, various Disney numbers that hopefully the kids were familiar with. And what came out of there was like friendships, you know. So that community, which was, you know, we would sort of see each other every day at drop off and pick up and maybe at a, you know, harvest festival dance or something like that, you know. But then it became like just

Hey, you guys wanna have lunch? You know, who works from home? Let's have lunch this week, you know? hey, you know, I I I can probably squeeze some time between these two meetings on this day. Who wants to go go-kart racing? You know, just cool stuff like that. and and I put together like hey, didn't you say you have a a mountain bike? Yeah. Let's go mountain biking Sunday morning, like before the kids get up. Like, you know, so it it's been that for the last I don't know, year year and a half or something like that. And and that's like

I think a lot of us needed that. So yeah, so it was it was cool and it's still cool.

Pauline (07:23.0)

Yeah. I I kind of have goosebumps hearing you talk about it because we talk all the time about how important community is and for the moms that we work with, meeting other moms and being with other people, but and we always talk about the dads, but it's so hard to get for us to reach them and to to get them to to buy in to like

my gosh, it's so great to have a community. So to hear you talk about like that coming together through your children is really, really exciting.

David (07:57.855)

Yes.

David (08:02.461)

Yeah, no, it it that's like I said, that was the result that I wasn't quite expecting, but I'm so happy that it's happened because yeah, it's it's it's changed things for the last year or so. Yeah.

Megan (08:16.786)

So you sound like the fun dad. Is that your role in the family or what is what what would you say what is what's your role in your f family dynamic with your kids?

David (08:30.281)

I suppose I'm the fun dad or or the fun one. I mean mom likes to have fun for sure. but I I'm I'm yeah, I mean I work from home, which is great, like I mentioned. but that also means that I basically take care of the kids, at least on the weekdays, which is

Megan (08:38.428)

Sure.

David (08:57.925)

You know, it's I I do my best to squeeze fun in there. I o I've always told my son, I don't know if he remembers this or not, but I've always told him, you know, it it's about having fun. This is what I want you to ha you know, life should be about having fun, although that doesn't mean I'm gonna let you get away with murder you know, but we should always try to have fun. so it's yeah, it it's it's it's an awful lot of work Monday through

Thursday at the very least, and sometimes Fridays too. and then you get to have the weekend, and then every time I talk to my parents, they're always like, it's the weekend, you know. What are you gonna do? You gonna rest up? I'm like, No, I'm gonna do the same thing just without homework or or school or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, no, it's to it, it's it could be worse. the only difference is that my wife is always home on the weekend, so okay, now it's two of us. So that's a little bit better. But yeah, I mean, al always, always trying to squeeze in.

Megan (09:40.13)

Yeah. Yeah.

Pauline (09:52.899)

Yeah.

David (09:55.72)

where we can some kind of fun activity. My son in particular is an absolute dynamo when it comes to energy. and it's it he's yeah, so I I tr we we do our best to provide situations and activities where they can be active, especially him. Yeah.

Pauline (10:19.16)

Yeah. But you have you have sort of like the non traditional role in your family, right? Like as far as parenting, leaving the home, going to work, commuting. Like you're the one who's home all of the time.

David (10:36.935)

It's certainly opposite to the way I grew up. My father went to work every day, nine to five. was always home for dinner. but mom didn't work and you know, she was always there, right? I mean, and she was always there, like not just drop off pickup, but well, I guess kind of similar to me in that she was she would always be on school trips. I mean, when I went to kindergarten, I had to get bused to kindergarten and my mom was like on the bus with

with us every day as like a parent helper. You know, so yeah. So definitely opposite to that. I mean, you know, certainly things got sort of upended and everything during COVID, but for the most part, my wife has always had an office to go to. and she could work from home a little, like one or two days. Then of course COVID came and it was five days. And then little by little now we've worked our way up to

four days a week in the office. Whereas I'm I will occasionally travel, but you know, that's sort of a rarity. especially in post-COVID life. So yeah, I'm home every day. and yeah, and I take care of them whenever they're home or or we have extracurricular activities. the difference wherein is probably the largest amount of my stress

is that my job, thankfully, I work from home, but my office is in California. My accounts are here on the East Coast. you know, if the jersey didn't tip it off, yeah, I'm in New York City. And, you know, everything has to happen, you know, if not now, five minutes ago, or sorry, ten minutes ago. No, actually why didn't you know, like, you know, and it's it's it's it's

A constant challenge to I mean, I tell my wife or anyone that I talk to that like basically every day is take your kids to work day. Now, granted, they're not here during the hours of, you know, 8 and 2 30 or whatever, right? but there's, you know, there there are times, you know, that I'm talking to someone at over breakfast. You know, I'm emailing or texting an account back and forth because they need something.

David (13:02.933)

and then when the kids come home, I mean I I might go pick them up with you know with the earbuds in. It's like I guys, I'm in a meeting, you know, and they still don't quite understand, you know, and and I get it, but they're eight and ten, so they don't quite understand like when I say in it I'm in a meeting, like sorry, I can't talk to you right now about what happened at school or whose house you want to go to or you know, not right now.

We will, but not at the moment. I always tell them like unless you know, unless there's a bear in the house, leave me alone. not not right now. Well I'll get to it, I promise, but you know.

Megan (13:39.194)

Mm.

Pauline (13:43.02)

Yeah. It's hard. It's like doing two job we weren't we weren't meant to do two jobs at once, right? And for working at home parents

David (13:48.09)

No, and that's the thing. Totally. And then and then, you know, extracurricular activities, whether it's baseball or art class or martial arts or or whatever, or even just getting dinner together at home, right?

Megan (14:06.722)

Like even a play date. It's not like we used to go out on our bikes and just meet up with anybody. You just drive them too or walk them to it, you know.

David (14:12.377)

yeah, no.

No, yep, totally. So yes. And unfortunately in my case, a lot of that if it's happening on a weekday, my office is in California. So I'm still getting emails. I'm still getting phone calls. I'm still getting text messages. There are still things that I either need to respond to or initiate. And that's all happening while you know, while they're home. So it's it's it's it's sort of the f the roll flip, but also yes, but

Pauline (14:16.8)

And supervise.

Pauline (14:37.986)

Yeah.

David (14:45.831)

With a twist in my Yeah.

Megan (14:45.842)

You're doing double duty.

Pauline (14:47.758)

Yeah. So I need to know does the school still call your wife first or do they call you first?

David (14:55.998)

they have her number on record first. Yes.

Pauline (15:02.446)

makes me so angry.

David (15:04.606)

I I I I don't know that that's mom dad thing. I I I think that's I'm gonna assume it's a paperwork thing. I I don't know. I'll I'll

Megan (15:16.304)

No, because we've tried to get it switched to my husband multiple times.

David (15:19.355)

Really? Okay. Yeah, I d I don't know. I mean, maybe. yeah. I mean I'll I'll tell you that within the family, I'm everyone's number one like, you know, emergency contact in because everybody knows that I pick up the phone. I'm wired to pick up the phone from both work and just I don't know, me. But yeah, that's pretty funny though.

Pauline (15:41.497)

Yeah. Yeah, nope, but it's a system flaw. Be they used to do it in if my husband and I w had opposite shifts and different kinds of jobs. I was in a hospital, like there was no like just answer the phone or drop what you're doing and he had more flexibility. And I'd be like, Please call him first. Like it it somehow they always call the mom first.

David (16:11.049)

I hadn't thought of that, but yeah, I like that me yeah, I could see that happening.

Megan (16:12.369)

Yeah.

Pauline (16:15.488)

Yeah, and you and you are the one that's there. You're dropping them off at school every day, you're picking them up at school every day, you're dancing on stage as the Disney dad, like you're really an involved dad. I'm sure that the school knows you.

David (16:20.635)

yeah.

David (16:32.381)

yes. Yes, most of the school knows me. Yes.

Megan (16:34.866)

What was this your perception of what parenthood would be like before you had kids?

David (16:42.993)

yes and no. I I I will so, you know, you were kind enough to send a little sort of PDF prep prep thing and I I I I I'd like to say that the first thing that I was not aware of is how hard it is to have kids. I you know, I don't know. I I grew up always thinking like I don't know, it's pretty easy. That's what I thought. Not not that anybody said that.

But I just sort of that was my Well, yeah, that was it too, right? Like sex education and all that and what whatever, movies and ever you know, and it's just like, Yeah, piece of cake. So you do it when do it when you're ready. And yeah, and in our case, when we were ready, it wasn't easy. It was not easy. It was the opposite of easy. it was years of

Megan (17:13.306)

they say don't get pregnant. Don't get someone like that.

Pauline (17:15.747)

Ha ha

David (17:42.28)

Yeah, years of of of of an absolute emotional roller coaster with the biggest you know the the the the tallest climbs and the steepest drops and the lowest drops and it was painful. And you know, thankfully we got to the end of it and you can, you know, we don't dwell on that, you know, but it but it happened.

And certainly it was the kind of thing like I've I've if anyone ever asks me about like, yeah, I'm thinking about, you know, like yeah, well, make sure you do it because, you know, or you prepare for it in in whatever way you're gonna prepare for it. But just be aware that it it it it ain't as easy as you think, and especially as older as you get, or whatever your particular situation may be. I was not prepared for that. I is I don't

believe my wife was prepared for that, but I sure as hell was not. And yeah, and I and and I guess I wasn't as a matter of fact, this brings up a memory and this may sound again completely ridiculous, but remember I was a really real I was really, really young. So I couldn't couldn't tell you how young I was. But I remember my mom watching probably some bad TV show, right?

Like a miniseries or something like that. I can't remember what it was. As a matter of fact, it may have even been like something on like on Priscilla Presley or something like that. Anyway, I remember that the woman in the in the TV show, and I think I was just like looking over her shoulder kind of thing at the moment. Not that I was sitting there watching it with her, she had a miscarriage. And and I remember like

Pauline (19:15.968)

Ha ha

Megan (19:16.646)

Yeah.

David (19:32.829)

You know, the scene being like so tense and you know, I obviously now, right? But and my mom reacting to it like, my god, this is terrible and and and me just thinking like, what's the big deal? They can just have another baby, like it's easy, you know? And again, I was really small, didn't understand any of that. so

Megan (19:53.154)

There's still some adults that have that reaction too. Yeah.

David (19:56.074)

Yeah, so yeah, anyway, it's it it's I I assumed it was easy. It was not easy, it was a a great pain. it was and and thankfully you know the two of us were able to get through it and support each other through it. I I I think I think she on you know, my wife understood that I was

supportive. I think she was able to get that. 'cause it was yeah, it was a tough time. yeah.

Pauline (20:29.422)

And you you sorry, Megan, you really and you as a couple really chose to deal with it very quietly and privately to the I you know I said before we we turned the cameras on. I still I still remember you all pulling up to my house and Gloria getting out of the car, like visibly pregnant. We were like, what is happening here? Like

Megan (20:30.02)

It's really hard to sorry.

Pauline (20:58.764)

Had no idea.

David (21:00.733)

Yeah, you know, it was it was a it was a tough ride and it's it started off it started off bumpy and then just got worse and worse. and yeah and like I said, there were there were there were moments in some cases and at least one moment of elation and then you know and then you go down that that that steep drop which you weren't expecting. And yeah, so we we were

I think we're always relatively private with that kind of stuff, but as the experience went further and further, we got even more private because it was it was a deep it's a deep wound. Lots of lots of deep wounds for yeah, multiple years. It was a struggle. but anyway, family mostly.

Pauline (21:50.178)

Where did you find support?

David (21:57.036)

again, because we were very private about it, all of it. so mostly family, yeah. So thankfully Gloria she's got three sisters and they may as well be my sisters. they're they're amazing people. and yeah, and then I would just open up to my parents as well and my mom was supportive and and and my mom told me stuff

that I didn't know as a kid as well, right? so yeah, mostly family, occasionally friends, but it was mostly a family thing and yeah. But we got through it and and here we are.

Pauline (22:38.008)

Yeah. I mean I think it it yeah. But preg I mean it it it it's a a reminder, right, that having a pregnancy after a loss is just a different experience. Right? You you weren't making announcements on Facebook and posting sonogram pictures and telling everybody the minute you got the news, right? It was

David (22:55.474)

Yes.

Pauline (23:07.302)

much, much farther into your pregnancy than when you chose to share with people what was happening.

David (23:14.685)

Definitely. Yes.

Megan (23:17.916)

We talk about, you know, Pauline and I both have run infertility groups and we talk about that the female is generally the identified patient. She has the uterus, right? And that

Must feel really lonely for that there's not a whole lot you can do. While it's a lot of stress on the female medications, and you know, I don't know what your story is, but different people have different stories, and yet it must be really difficult for the male partner.

or another partner who's not pregnant to be like sitting there going like not sitting there but you know standing there going, I don't there's not a whole lot I can do except try to support them the best I can.

David (24:10.515)

I mean in I I know in in our case, my wife is very like she I mean, y if if she's got a headache, she you know, she sort of just wants to sit and like not talk to anyone, that kind of thing. so it and it's and if she's sick or whatever, it's like, hey, you know, do you want me to get you something? You know, should I drive over to the pharmacy, get you some Tylenol? you know, do you want me to get you soup at your

Favorite Chinese restaurant, or you know, all those kind of things. And it's a lot of like, no, no, just leave me alone, just leave me alone. So, you know, amplify that into this. And the helplessness is is yeah, it's it's terrible. It's absolutely terrible because you see the person you love and you can't do anything about it, right? And you want to you want to

I guess, provide space, but you also want to be of help and y you and you can't, you know. Or you can, I guess in some ways and you find the ways. but you know, it but yeah, it's it's it's it's quite difficult. And in our case it was definitely difficult.

Pauline (25:27.116)

Yeah. And and who takes care of you?

David (25:31.657)

yeah. I don't know. Let me know when you find out. Yeah.

Pauline (25:37.44)

Yeah, I mean a lot of times the the dad's forgotten or or not centered.

David (25:46.696)

Yeah, it was yes. There were moments, thankfully, that I could that I guess I said or did the right thing and it wasn't something that I was necessarily conscious about.

Pauline (26:01.996)

I'm sure that there were moments where you said or did the wrong thing too. Just just just like let's let's be fair, you are not perfect.

David (26:05.149)

Well, I I no, that that couldn't happen. That's highly un highly unlikely. Highly unlikely. No. no, but like you know, i in throughout that whole process there were lots of decisions to be made. lots of sort of strategic decisions, lots of emotional decisions or strategic decisions with lots of emotion behind them. and you know, I think th there were a couple of moments that I can remember.

Where I I guess I said the right thing and I could see that, you know? And and that made me feel better. at least that she knew that I was, you know. Yeah, doing Yeah. But wow, it was hard. I never want to do that ever again.

Megan (26:48.934)

It was fuel to keep going and yeah.

Megan (26:58.738)

So now you have these two kids and they're like in adolescence now. What a surprise you what?

David (27:01.299)

Yes. Yes.

David (27:06.535)

Yeah. Getting there. We get we're get well, he's going to junior high next year. That's a struggle. That's a struggle I'm dealing with right now. Yeah. but yeah, I mean so he Yeah, as I I think I mentioned before, he's an absolute dynamo of energy. There's there's no stopping him. He has only recently calmed down.

Pauline (27:08.192)

Is eight to ten adolescents?

Pauline (27:13.099)

my gosh.

Megan (27:13.136)

Yeah. I think so.

David (27:35.742)

while he's sleeping, because he used to like move around in the bed and and everything and be like, dude, how'd you end up upside down in your bed? Like flipped over or whatever. Like he he's yeah, he's just got so much energy. I like when he was born, well, I I guess as soon as he could walk, it was probably around it. I used to drink a I don't know, a cup of coffee a year. And

somewhere around 41, I was just like, I I gotta I have to drink coffee every morning. Like I don't know what how how how do I keep up with this guy? You know, and I would I would always I would take him to daycare and I figured out very early on. I figured out a lot of things with my son. I I feel like, you know, I don't know if every father says this or whatever, but I feel like I understand him. I get him. I can figure it out.

that doesn't mean that we don't argue and and and sometimes he, you know, makes me want to bang my head against the wall because I don't get it. But I see I see a lot of it. for example, like when when the thing the first day that I dropped him off at daycare, he was pretty darn young. He's probably about five months or so old. And I drop him off and when I picked him up, they were like, He doesn't want to drink the bottle.

And I like, what do you he doesn't want to drink the bottle? Drinks the bottle all the time at home. So long story short, I I ended up figuring out he didn't like the silicon, I think it was silicon or plastic or whatever it was, nipples that my wife had given him for the daycare. And because and I think I I think I was observing him or something, and I was like, he doesn't like that. So we got him like the more textured one that's like the darker yellow.

And and they and of course the daycare was like, no, that's not it. That's not it. I was like, you watch. And sure enough, perfect. So anyway, the same daycare, I I I figured out pretty early on that if I just like got him there and was like, okay, man, see you later, and walked out, he was not into that, right? Like he he he we he would have some separation anxiety. whereas

David (29:59.718)

If I got there about fifteen minutes early or so and I would sit with him outside of all the classes and and he would just like run up and down the hall and all the teachers would look at me like, my God, I'm like, Yeah, trust me. He didn't you know, like he had like a you know, like a a a bakery bun or something like that. Like not a donut, you know, nothing you know, no sugar or anything, like that's just him.

running up and down the halls and he would, you know, always like just kind of check in on me and run run in and out of the classrooms. So I figured out that yeah, that then he was cool. Like afterwards be like, All right, you know, I gotta leave. I'll see you later. Okay. See you in a few hours. Okay. No problem. but the point just being that yeah, got a lot of energy. Have to keep up with him. Still do that. When he went to camp for the first time, this is day camp,

Pauline (30:26.87)

Ha.

David (30:57.001)

I don't even know how many years ago that would have been. let's just say four or five years ago. he so we sent him to this camp where it was like outdoors, huge property, absolutely huge property. It was like just all physical activities all day long. And when we signed him up, or like we showed him pictures and everything, he was like, dude, you're gonna be like, you're gonna be running and you know, playing basketball and baseball and swimming and all this stuff.

You know, when I pick you up, you're gonna be exhausted. You're gonna be like, Pop, I just wanna take a sh you know, I just wanna go right to bed. The first day I picked him up. He gets off the bus. I'm like, how was it? It was cool. Can we go to the playground?

David (31:43.097)

Like n are you kidding? No. So yeah, it's it's he's a lot.

Pauline (31:47.855)

This this coming from I I'm gonna say he he might take after his dad just a little bit who would like ride your bike like fifty miles every day. Be like, yeah, I'll I'll I'll come visit, get on the bike and and ride from like Jackson Heights to Nassau County to grab a a drink with a friend or a cup of coffee. So like and and let's not forget we are recording at 10 AM and when when

David (32:00.499)

Yeah.

David (32:07.945)

Sure.

David (32:12.35)

Yeah.

Pauline (32:16.866)

when I texted you yesterday if you were free at ten, you're like, I don't think I'll be home by then. We're going to the game and I was like, Did you think I met ten PM? Because like, I'm not working at ten PM and you just had no like never crossed your mind that I'm at ten AM.

David (32:36.017)

No, I was absolutely certain you meant ten PM. No. To me to me, yeah, to me there's there's I I think things don't really happen that are not kids related at you know, until nighttime when they're in bed, frankly. So yeah. yeah, no, there there's

Megan (32:36.039)

Ha

Pauline (32:54.072)

Yeah. So so he he might have gotten a little bit of the high energy from his from his dad.

David (33:01.457)

Yeah, that I don't that he's gotten a lot from from me, for sure. And that's part of it. that being said, that yeah, that being said, I don't have that kind of high energy anymore. Not anymore. So I do my best, you know, and I I absolutely will do my best. But yeah, when when we're out and he has like a baseball game, which now I'm like volunteer coach for his baseball team,

Pauline (33:08.75)

That's why you get him.

Megan (33:13.81)

Not anymore. Not anymore. Yeah.

David (33:29.525)

And you know, then he wants to play catch afterward afterwards for a little while and then we get home and he's like, Hey, can we play catch in the living room? Like, dude, I am so done. Are you kidding? Like, I've d you you don't know what it was to get you to you know, just for half the day to do all this stuff with you and you want more, more, more. Yeah, it's it's a it's a lot. And that's just him. Then there's the other one.

Megan (33:56.623)

Yeah. I don't know about you, but I've got Yeah. We've got I've got opposite kids. I don't know if that's what yours are like. If it's like one is w more one extreme and then the other's you know. So I had to parent two different ways. Do you know

Pauline (33:58.219)

And and she also keeps you on your toes.

David (34:01.017)

yeah. Yes. In

David (34:14.619)

I have to parent two different ways, but I don't quite have opposites. I have two children with an abundance of energy that manifests itself in different ways. He is all about running, jumping. it's now it's all about baseball. but it's it's it's yeah, it's all about being super active like physically. my daughter is more like

super active in that she wants to like go do things. arts and crafts. I wanna cook something. yeah, I wanna build something. I wanna draw something. I want to create something. She's constantly watching YouTube videos about arts and crafts stuff. And and it it's very it's I I wanna say it's harder with her, frankly.

because the stuff that yeah and thinking about this I know exactly where she gets it from she she tends to go to activities that I'll look at and it's like that is you're biting off way more than you can chew. That is way more either involved than you think it is. It's way more time consuming than you think it is.

like, you know, in other words, like, hey, we have twenty minutes before we need to go do whatever it is we're gonna go do. There no, you're not gonna be able to create an entire f flip book comic in twenty minutes or well

Pauline (35:56.748)

Yes, she can.

Megan (35:57.969)

No, I'm thinking like I bet you can

Pauline (36:01.218)

Bet you can.

David (36:02.579)

So here here's the thing. Sometimes she can, and often she does, or she does her version of it. And she's again biased, of course, but I think she's unbelievably talented when it comes to any of that kind of stuff, any art of of any sort, whether she's drawing or cutting things out and pasting together. She has she's very imaginative. She made me this thing, this pre Father's Day game.

gift that she already gave me, which was and she did it like, I don't know, not even in an hour. Like I'm going up and down the stairs, just like, you can't look. I'm doing something. Like, okay, fine. I'm not looking. And before you know it, she hands it to me. And it's like this little booklet. Every page has a drawing on it. But it wasn't just a drawing thing. It was like it it was a what was it? It was a little cat, I think. So it was a cutout of a drawing of a cat.

And I guess it's kind of like those books that they would have, like the little little little bear goes to sleep. so so it was like a little cut out of the cat, and then you have to take him out of the sleeve, and then you have to put him in the bathtub. And here's the and I didn't even realize she's gonna kill me if it wasn't a cat. I think it was a cat. maybe it was a dog. But you know, I didn't realize like it had a tiny little like leaf and like mud like cut out and and stuck to it.

Pauline (37:02.956)

Like the f flip motion.

David (37:28.529)

So it's like, you have to put him in the bathtub and you gotta here's the soap and here's the shower thing and you have to take get the leaves off because he's dirty, right? And then it was okay, now you gotta get him out. Here's the towel. And this is like page after page of doing this. I'm like, how did you do this in like less than an hour? You know, so so I I have to walk this line of allowing her to be creative, get that out.

practice because I think she's awesome and I think she could just get even better. but I also have to be, you know, one eye on her and like, what are you doing with that glue gun? You know? You can't you know, like, what are you doing with that? You know, I you need to be supervised with a glue gun, you know, and things things of that nature, right?

Megan (38:08.818)

So does my husband.

Pauline (38:12.567)

Ha ha

Pauline (38:21.57)

Can make a dress out of your curtains.

David (38:23.717)

Yeah, it totally. Exactly. She's the one that's gonna do that sort of thing. So so it's it's

Pauline (38:29.782)

Megan Megan will be happy to coach her along the way.

Megan (38:31.696)

It's a girl after my own heart. I mean, I didn't really get one of those. And that's I really thought my kids would be like that. This is a hundred percent, you know, who I still am to this day, making stuff. And

Once my kids were toddlers I was like, what do you mean you don't wanna sit down and color? What do you mean you don't wanna like make things? They're off running around, they're d doing stuff that they wanna do, they're using their bodies and I'm like, okay.

David (39:03.101)

Yeah, and that's that makes it tough for me. If if I'm the only parent in the moment, it makes it tough for me 'cause I got one that wants to just yeah, run like a lunatic and the other one wants to I I don't know, you know, let's let's Yeah, I yeah, I wanna build an entire mansion out of popsicle sticks today or something, you know, it's like

Pauline (39:17.774)

Create.

Megan (39:19.11)

Makes make

Pauline (39:28.35)

And and you're trying to work at the same time.

David (39:32.064)

very often yes. Yeah.

Pauline (39:36.206)

So where does that leave room for you as a man and a person? That's where what?

David (39:42.238)

Well that's where ten PM comes in. That's where ten PM comes in. That's where ten PM comes in, right? Like, you know, when when and that and the and the problem these days is they're going to sleep later and later, right? 'Cause they're getting bigger. So I mean they used to be in bed I I feel like it was just yesterday, although I guess it wasn't, but they'd be in bed by seven thirty. And now it's more like eight thirty nine, you know, and

Pauline (39:48.813)

Hm

David (40:12.155)

And occasionally later than that, although they're in their bedroom and they're yapping and not going to sleep. So yeah, so my time to get work done, you know, which I used to be able to do an album in a day because I was focused. Like, you know, I've got six, seven, eight hours, whatever to work on an album. Sure, I'll I can I'll do your album and I'll have it done, you know, have it for you by Monday so you can listen to it. where now it's like

it takes days and days and days and and a lot of times where I don't really feel like doing it 'cause I'm exhausted, but I have to go downstairs and I've gotta start it and and I you know, I'll tell them like, go to sleep. I I'll be downstairs. I I you know I can't hang out up here with you for too long or whatever. but yeah, that so it it it doesn't leave much time for that. and probably the worst part of all of this

Is that it doesn't leave much time for my wife and I just to talk. and and it's like the the the little time that we have we're not even able to utilize simply out of exhaustion. So I'm exhausted because it was yet another take your kids to work day.

Which may or may not have included a couple of meltdowns by them. May may have included a meltdown by me. Don't know, right? and she's exhausted because she's at the office with a horrible two hour commute, maybe because the trains were delayed or whatever the case is. And so, you know, so even if we do have like an an hour or so together, you know, she'll probably fall asleep. I might fall asleep. No neither one of us necessarily fall

Pauline (41:39.778)

Mm-hmm.

David (42:03.485)

feel like talking from a just exhaustion standpoint. and it just becomes like what do you want to watch? I don't know what you what do you want to watch? And before you know it, we're not watching anything. And I you know, and she's gotta go to bed 'cause she's gotta get up early. And yeah. It's it there's there's not much time. And unfortunately, which is something I didn't I mean, I I don't know. I suppose I should have known, I guess, but

Pauline (42:07.171)

Yeah.

David (42:34.013)

you know, we have we still have three out of four parents at this point, but z none of them are really able to help for various reasons. you know, she's got three sisters, but they can't really help for various reasons. and

Unfortunately, which is something that I keep saying, especially this year and maybe part of last year, the kids are old enough now where I feel like we need to find a babysitter, someone that we can rely on, that we can just kind of say like, Hey, you know, tomorrow or this weekend, you know, we need you to come over and watch them for a few hours. But we've never had that. We still don't have that. We're we're at least talking about it and we need to, you know, pick up the the search.

Pauline (43:32.642)

Yeah.

David (43:32.916)

But yeah, it's it's it's a lot and we don't really get enough time at all to to even have a conversation or even to plan a lot of times the next activities. Most of the time if we're planning activities like a vacation or something like that, it's over text message while we're at, you know, we're we're doing work. And that's that's a challenge in and of itself because sometimes like she's in a meeting and I'm free and I'm texting her and she's like, I can't talk right now, I'm in a meeting.

Or or sometimes it's flipped. or we'll write each other something and completely misinterpret it because you know you've abbreviated it or it's been truncated or auto spelling or you know, or autocorrect. no, all those things. Yeah. So it yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, totally. So it it that's that's that's tough. although

Pauline (44:16.822)

And you can't read tone or intention or

Megan (44:20.978)

And all of a sudden you think they don't want to go on the trip that you want to go on. Yeah. Yeah.

David (44:32.165)

this year we also have a little bit of hope because the the dads that have gotten really close. I mentioned it one day, I think a drop off was like, All right, we need to start figuring something out here. Like, you know, if if you take my kids, I'll take your kids, you know, because the kids have gotten pretty close too, because the the you know, the families have been hanging out a lot more. And and we've gotten a lot of nods, like, yeah.

I we know you could use that and we could probably use that too. So yes, just pick a date and and we'll we'll try something.

Pauline (45:05.452)

Yeah, I remember the first time a neighbor was like, Send your kid over so I could like wrap Christmas presents and I was like, my god, this is like life changing like yes. Just like an hour. It was it made such a difference.

Megan (45:17.52)

It really is th it makes the world a difference. My parents and my husband's parents lived down south and we never had any family where we lived. And we lived in the city for many years and then moved out to Long Island. And the thing that saved us is trading kids with our neighbors. And like I never

expected that that would be something but you can't of pay for a sitter when you need to just r run down to the grocery store real quick and y or whatever or y or you want to go on a date or you know anything and you can't always afford a sitter and there's not they're not always available and it was definitely one of the greatest things in my life is to have people you could trade with.

David (46:03.347)

Yeah, we we need to work on that.

Pauline (46:06.934)

Yeah, yeah. And you have to be intentional about it. Like it doesn't just accidentally happen. Like if you want to find time to spend or you wanna go out on a date, like it has to be something that you commit to, give attention to, make it happen.

Megan (46:26.716)

We always talk about like there's only so many pieces there's only so many pieces you can cut a pie into, right? You can't make the pie bigger. So then you have to borrow the pie. You have to borrow a pie piece from another pie piece, you know, and it's it's hard. It's really difficult.

Pauline (46:43.65)

Yeah. So so Dave, what would what what's the thing that like no mom told you or or no dad told you, right? Like that one of the one of the things that you as a father have had to learn on your own.

David (47:05.257)

that's tough. I guess, 'cause I feel like there's I suppose a lot. There's a lot of cliche. I mean honestly, I would say the biggest one is that you don't get to talk to your wife anymore. That's that's the biggest one. That you that you miss your spouse. And that's probably different for different situations, but that's probably to me that's the biggest one. other than that, it's you know, again, my naivete.

But even when I was older, much older, I remember talking to friends that had kids and like saying things like, hey, you know, you want to hang out, let's go mountain biking, let's let's go to whatever, let's do this. And they would just be like, Yeah, I don't I don't have any time. Like, come on, you can find time. There's some time, you know, like, you know, can't your wife take care of the you know, your your kid for a couple of hours, whatever? And and now I understand what they meant.

To me it was a foreign concept. It was like you can find time, but like you just said, like no there there wasn't any time. The the pie is only so big. And yeah, that that's that's become a a harsh reality.

Pauline (48:05.548)

Yeah.

Pauline (48:21.336)

Yeah.

Megan (48:22.514)

Speaking of time, I do have to run. But

Pauline (48:27.18)

Yep. This was great. Thank you so much for sharing the other side. The side that we don't we don't always get to hear. And you are an amazing dad.

Megan (48:35.314)

Yeah, I think

David (48:37.833)

Thank you.

Megan (48:38.822)

Thank you for being so honest and sharing and hopefully we'll get some dads to listen to this episode now.

Pauline (48:48.706)

Yeah. And a and a bunch of wives who are gonna make their their their husbands listen, be like, listen to this dad. So thank you.

Megan (48:56.071)

Ha ha ha.

David (48:58.237)

Well, yeah, I I don't I'm not I'm not bandit from Bluey, who we all aspire to be, but but I think we we try. yeah. Thanks for having me.

Pauline (49:09.305)

Yeah. Thank you. Bye everybody. We'll see you soon.