Pauline (00:02.637)

Hello and welcome back. I'm Pauline Walfisch here with my faithful co-host, Megan Nelson. And Megan's gonna introduce you to today's guest.

Megan (00:13.369)

Hi everybody! So today we have Maya Wilder. Hi Maya. She is a licensed mental health counselor in the state of New York and a licensed professional counselor in the state of Connecticut. She's also worked for many years and occasionally still does as a university librarian. Is that right? Yeah. And she specializes in treating complex trauma and working with neurodivergent adults.

Maya utilizes existential therapy, drama therapy in her clinical work, and she is IFS informed. So today we have her on to actually talk about parenting and the perception of time. So welcome Maya. We're so happy to have you on.

Maya Wilder (00:59.316)

I'm so happy to be here. I love this podcast and the fact that you're creating a space for moms to say the quiet part out loud. I think that's wonderful.

Pauline (01:11.619)

Thank you. We we are trying because there there's a lot that needs to be said and we're not we're not talking about it. And if we hear one more person say like nobody told me that was gonna happen, our heads might explode. So

Megan (01:28.409)

Well actually my new formula is every time they say, Well nobody told me I'm like, then how about you join us on our podcast? Totally. It's a total recruiting bit now. Like, well, so you and I talked a couple of weeks ago and I think your approach to this perception of time is so interesting. Can you talk a little bit about like

Maya Wilder (01:36.792)

It's a recruiting pitch.

Pauline (01:38.371)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Megan (01:55.519)

how how you see parents where where parents what parents are missing when we do or don't think about time.

Maya Wilder (02:04.738)

Yeah, I think when we don't think about time, we as parents are missing an opportunity to

Do things differently, to course correct, to try something else, right? I think the phrase that I heard that really like threw me as a mom was when someone said, If you're having to repeat the same thing over and over again to your child, they're not the one who's doesn't understand. And I was like, oof I was like, Okay, got it. Got it. I was like, What did that kid me? No. But yeah.

Pauline (02:32.793)

Ha ha.

Megan (02:38.004)

in literally myself this morning. Yeah.

Maya Wilder (02:41.196)

But but that really, you know

shook something up in me and I realize okay yeah I'm literally repeating the same thing and expecting different results and I often tell my clients that progress is not a straight line it's not like you start here you end here it's a spiral going up and you're going to keep encountering the same things over and over again. It's just that every time you encounter it, you have an opportunity to do things differently. You're higher up on the spiral you have a different perspective you have new information you

You can see you can do things differently. And so when I started thinking about time in my parenting, I started thinking about, okay, I've been here before. Instead of being surprised that I'm complaining about the same thing, I'm gonna take a moment to be like, okay, I'm here again. I can expect to be here again in the future. What can I do differently now?

Pauline (03:33.155)

Mm-hmm.

Megan (03:34.48)

It's almost like expectation. It's like this expectation that we hold as like my mind is going so many different places right now, even. Like thinking about okay, for instance, I have a 14-year-old, and every time I'm going into his room and it's a mess, and I'm telling him to clean it up, it's like

In my mind I'm like, is it always gonna be like this? Is he ever going to like figure it out? Or and and that creates this like distress that's not actually happening in the moment.

Maya Wilder (04:12.674)

Yes, yeah. And that totally warps our perception of time. We feel so in the now. And as therapists, I'm sure you can relate that we always want to encourage the here and now, but

As moms, we're like so in the here and now that we forget about the long term goal. And so I had to kind of switch it to okay, actually, it's not always gonna be why can't he clean his room? It'll be some version of me trying to tell him something that I think he should do a certain way, and him maybe pushing back against it or seeming resistant. And so instead I was like, Okay, how can I do things differently? So I know with my kiddo, when it came time.

To cleaning the room, and I felt like I was nagging. when he was little, he was like, I don't like when you raise your voice. I don't I don't want you to yell. So I started getting really silly with it, and it was back when Dora the Explorer was really big. So if there was something out, I'd walk into the room and I'd be like, Look, a clue! Can you say clue? And I'd be pointing to the sock that needed to be picked up or the cup that needed to go in the sink or whatever, and he would just kind of

Of chuckle and go along with it. And then once he was a teen, I kind of switched it to like playing like really retro, like cringy music, and and making him you know singing along to it, and he'd be like, Okay, please stop, like I'll go, I'll go do the thing. And so I never raised my voice, I never, you know, activated any part of him, I never felt particularly activated, and then he would clean, and now he's at a point where he's kind of initiating and doing these things himself.

without me having to jump in. So I just kind of recognize the fact that like, yeah, I'm always gonna be circling a back back around to something and I can just change my approach.

Pauline (06:06.222)

Right. Like this moment in time isn't gonna last forever.

Maya Wilder (06:10.35)

Mm-hmm.

Pauline (06:12.588)

What about like when there's real time?

challenges like I'm my kids are older now but I will never forget like trying to get them out the door on time to get to school. And and it's funny you're like I never yelled. I yelled and also I totally relate with that like Instagram video. It's like I wouldn't have to yell if you listened the first time I said it. Right? But like sometimes time's really happening like

Maya Wilder (06:34.368)

no, I've yelled. Just didn't

Megan (06:40.767)

Час

Pauline (06:47.292)

we we have to be out the door, we're gonna sit in traffic and you're gonna get to school in time. So like what what tips do you have for when time is is like real?

Maya Wilder (06:58.554)

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes things are time sensitive. I've definitely I've been there before. I don't want to make it seem like I'm some saint who's never yelled. Like and one of my favorite kind of memes going around is like, you know, I wanna be gentle parenting, but these kids don't be gentle kidding. And I'm like Exactly right.

Pauline (07:06.454)

Okay, thank you.

Megan (07:06.542)

Ha ha.

Megan (07:17.507)

Seriously.

Maya Wilder (07:20.546)

But I have again tried to switch, okay, I'm here again saying this, and it's the same thing every single time. What can I do differently? And so I've said to my kid, like, okay, we're gonna now start waking up earlier. We're gonna now need to be in the car 30 minutes before we actually do because I know we're gonna be probably 30 minutes late. So it'll get us to the car on time. Like I'm going to start changing out different things and approaches to see if something shifts, whether it's setting out the clothes or whatever.

Like we're gonna start tweaking stuff because something

Pauline (07:52.537)

So this is like this is like when I tell my my husband's family that the party starts thirty minutes earlier than it actually starts.

Maya Wilder (08:02.302)

Yep.

Megan (08:03.119)

We've all got that friend or family member that were like, I'll meet you there at six fifteen, knowing they'll be there at six thirty and it's like, Okay, I'll show up at six thirty, yeah.

Maya Wilder (08:10.846)

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. So we're just using I'm a big believer that all skills are transferable. So we're literally using the skills we already use with other people and we're just applying it to the situation with our kid. And then also, you know, communicating that some things are time sensitive and there's no dilly dallying with this. one book I read

That I I want definitely want to make a reread because it was super informative and it was called The Unthinkable, and it was about what makes it so that people survive like catastrophic events, right? Like the survivors of a crash, or like what are the and the really common variables was people paying attention to the directions, but then also it increased like you know, success rates when people explained why they were instructed.

People to do things a certain way. So I started kind of incorporating that a little bit, and I found that that works as a parent, right? it holds true in any situation, but if you tell people why you want them to do something, they tend to lock in a bit faster and be a little bit more compliant. And so now it's not mom's just nagging to nag, it's no, we literally this appointment is so important because blah blah blah blah blah. Not get in the car now, it's more this.

This is why, and then people tend to feel, regardless of age, tend to feel more galvanized into: okay, I'm gonna actually do something.

Megan (09:43.735)

It like provides some buy in really. It's like they're the then it a feeling of like choice almost even, too. Yeah.

Pauline (09:43.875)

Right.

Maya Wilder (09:46.818)

Yes, a hundred percent.

Maya Wilder (09:52.288)

A hundred percent.

Pauline (09:52.973)

Yeah. I learned that with my son at some point. Like I just he needed to understand the why for everything, even when it was annoying to me. And my husband would be like, Why are you explaining to someone? I'm like, Because this is this is how he will get he'll do it. Like, I have to explain. Like if you don't, you know, put the

run the water over the dishes then and if my husband's laughing listening, he's laughing because it it's me that doesn't run the water over the dishes. that was like the first example I could think of.

Maya Wilder (10:31.438)

You're like the call's coming from inside the house. It's me.

Megan (10:35.759)

Yeah. It's okay. I'm a terrible dishwasher loader and my husband has to reload it. I'm like, they'll still get clean. So yeah.

Pauline (10:36.015)

It's me.

Pauline (10:47.467)

you Megan, like it's it really doesn't have to be so perfect.

Maya Wilder (10:52.396)

I'm a big believer in like functionality, whatever works for you. So run the dishwasher twice. Like if it didn't get clean the first time, run it again.

Megan (10:58.286)

Ha ha.

Pauline (10:58.67)

Yeah.

Megan (11:01.795)

person who lived in this city without a dishwasher for 15 years, I'm like, who? It's a miracle that we have a machine that does it. Who cares if we have to run two loads in two days? I don't care. Yeah. Serious seriously.

Maya Wilder (11:16.41)

Like you've time traveled. You're like, What is this? A dishwasher?

Megan (11:23.503)

I love it. People are like, I don't use my dishwasher. I'm like, why? It's the greatest invention of all time. Talk about time saver, I mean, to me, yeah. Yeah.

Pauline (11:32.195)

Yeah. One of my like favorite quotes about time and parenting, which I don't think really like I I can tell you, like I didn't believe it until now that my kids are older. But that saying, the days are long, the years are short. Ugh, like I could I could just cry saying it now. like

those early years, like I remember being like, my God, when is it gonna be bedtime? And now like my kids are driving and dating and out of college. Like and that it was like yesterday that I was like, isn't it time to go to sleep?

Maya Wilder (12:25.342)

It yeah it it comes fast and a hundred percent that saying really sticks with me. There are days even now that still feel long and I'm like okay I gotta get through this but

Closer and closer we get like now that we're talking colleges, I'm like, okay, so do they have bunk beds and can I come to? Like, I'm not ready to to to say goodbye. so it's that's an adjustment, right? And I think, you know, you made me you saying that made me think of something else, how

Pauline (12:50.283)

Yeah.

Megan (12:50.528)

What?

Maya Wilder (13:04.438)

Something that's been helpful to me and I think when we think about this perception of time is we're parenting for today, but we're also parenting for tomorrow. And by tomorrow I mean like way out into the future. I think so many times we can get feel activated and so entrenched in the moment that we forget the long-term goal and what we want things to look like in adulthood for our kid or for the family as a whole.

Megan (13:33.787)

You know, Maya, I was after we initially had talked a few weeks ago, I obviously, you know, when you start talking about something, that's the thing I love about this podcast is like in the weeks or days after it's like comes up in things and I'm like, wait. and I was talking to someone and they were saying, like, you know, my kids are little and then

Maya Wilder (13:48.94)

Hehehehe

Megan (13:58.681)

It's so hard during the week 'cause I only have an hour in the morning and I only have an hour at night before they go to bed and work in between and and then like and it's the days are just those days are so hard. Whereas on the weekends they're fine. And she's like, I guess it's just because there's like so much to do and I was like and maybe it's your perception of the only having an hour.

And I was like, what does that mean to you to only have an hour? And they were like, that I'm losing something. And it's like, they're like, I feel like on the weekend I have if we yell, if somebody cries, if there's scraped knee and it takes up the hour, then I have the whole day to make up for it or it feels like that. Whereas like I feel like I'm losing that time. Yeah.

Maya Wilder (14:55.87)

A hundred percent. That's such a good catch because I feel like more often than not the things that we're upset about really have nothing to do with our children and everything to do with us, right? It's like are you upset that there is it that they're not listening or are you maybe low-key feeling some anxiety because you're losing you feel like you're losing time. You feel like you're not sure what to do next or how to kind of write the ship or or like you don't really you're not sure which way to go or it's not going as you planned, right? And you're actually

Grieving the fact that things look different than you expected and it's not my kid isn't, you know, I only have an hour or my kid isn't doing this or my kid isn't doing that. And yeah, that can be it's like once you see it, you can't unsee it.

Megan (15:42.096)

See the puzzle pieces kinda everywhere. Yeah.

Pauline (15:46.019)

Yeah. It comes up with parents all the time of like, you know, I I I I thought I was doing okay. I was totally, you know, regulated and then I realized that we didn't have our clothes picked out and the bus was coming and then I don't know, it all it all fell apart, right? Like

Maya Wilder (16:10.22)

Hundred percent. Yeah, things can always go left. We're expecting it to go right, but it can definitely go left. And it's one of those things where, you know

Instead of being shocked about it, like I'll start to tell clients, like, let's expect it that at some point we're going to circle back around to an instant that feels like this. What do we wish our past self could have done differently and we can prepare for our future self? So, you know, just kind of knowing like, okay, I'm here, things are not going the way I thought, we're running out of time. You know what? Last time I wish I'd remembered that I can, you know, drop them off. I can call in the school, say, you they're gonna be late.

I can do like I can pivot, do something. There's I don't know a breaking break glass in case of emergency outfit, kinda waiting in the wings to go on the kid. Like there's always something. and and just kind of adjusting in that way while still feeling the feelings, right? Like I'm not saying don't feel the feelings, don't feel upset because we're human, like it's gonna be that way, but also giving yourself permission to change your mind because I don't feel like people do that a lot. Like I don't

And sometimes I outright ask clients. Like I'm famous for that, just asking questions that kind of like kind of slam on the brakes. And I'm like, are you allowed to change your mind? And more often than not, I hear no, or almost always, a very, very long pause. And I think that kind of ties in with the time thing because I think of the concept of the sunk cost fallacy that we as humans don't want to abandon the way we're doing.

Doing something if we feel like we invested a lot of time. So we see it with objects, people don't wanna discard or declutter because they're like, but I spend so much money on it. Yeah, but the money's already gone. But it like I'm in for a penny, in for a pound, like I already invested. And it looks this way with kids. We're going back and forth with the child, and we're, you know, I'm gonna take away, you know, the Xbox and I'm gonna do this and so now you're like, I can't walk this back. I admit that I you're like you're digging in your heels, and now it's no longer about whatever it is that.

Megan (17:52.826)

Mm-hmm.

Megan (18:13.901)

Yeah, wow.

Maya Wilder (18:19.512)

you initially wanted them to do and everything about yeah like I can't abandon ship right now. I've already invested too much. So just giving ourselves permission to change our minds it's pretty it can be pretty radical.

Megan (18:21.443)

It is just

Megan (18:35.304)

Do you know what this reminds me of is like conversations or o or things around recovery where it's that idea that like well

As therapists, we know relapse happens and that's part of recovery, right? But then it's that feeling of like, I I l I lost if I if I relapse. And we and what we know and what I tell people or when I was working with people in recovery is that but you have so much more that you're bringing with you. This is not the same, you know, the same that it was the initial time. This is you're not going back. You are here and

You have all of this information, all of this recovery under your belt to that you can use to go forward to. And it's that slunk cost. Yeah.

Maya Wilder (19:24.696)

Thousand percent. And it makes me you just saying that made me think of the saying, you're not starting from scratch, you're starting from experience. Like you're like it feels like starting over, but like you have so many more tools in your emotional toolbox now than you had before. You have resources now, you have community now. Like it can look so differently.

Megan (19:33.124)

Megan (19:47.493)

What about when there are either adults or children who have like you work with neurodivergent adults? So maybe t time management, time perception is not one of their stronger, you know, skills.

Pauline (20:06.433)

You mean like time blindness?

Megan (20:08.972)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maya Wilder (20:11.618)

Yeah, the ability to clock, no pun intended, the passage of time, right, can definitely be, you know, impacted with, you know, ADHD, with different you know, challenges, different neurotypes. And so I think in those instances I really try to s encourage the client. Like we kind of co create and set up systems that help them succeed and it's very individual. I

Up front, tell my clients, I don't care how anyone else does it, we're gonna find a way that works for you. It literally doesn't matter if it works for everyone. Everyone else does really great with a planner and they have a calendar on their fridge and it goes great. Great for them.

Want to find out what works for you and how you can organize your time and manage your time in a way that makes sense. My only rule, so to speak, is can't hurt yourself, can't hurt anyone else. Other than that, if you feel like you can keep time best by having a sundial in the middle of your living room, like buckle up, we're going to get a sundial. Like, I like it's that's what it is. So, I usually encourage kind of visual trackers of time that helps. So there's like the clocks, like the timers where you

You see, like the red, like it blocks out physically on the face of the clock how much time is passing as it's counting down. So you it's not just we gotta leave in 30 minutes. You're seeing the passage of 30 minutes. You can just glance over, see how much of the red space is left, and be like, oof, I really gotta kick it into high gear, right? So there's that also blocking out the calendar so you're scheduling as much as humanly possible, even the things that don't feel like they needed to be scheduled, right? Some people may.

Maybe just put a meeting on the calendar and that's it. But if you're having trouble tracking the passage of time, let's schedule going to the gym, cooking dinner, taking a shower, like and everything gets a different color. So you can look at your calendar and see where you are in the day and what needs to happen. And with that.

Maya Wilder (22:17.21)

Usually it's kind of an an internal clock starts to build up a little more. You might always need those supports, but there's ways to kind of boost that internal clock so you can be like, okay. I I see that now.

Megan (22:28.046)

Yeah. Yeah. I'm learning that in real time. But, you know, with this podcast, it's like adding tasks to that are time sensitive that I have never like that, you know, I would be like before it'd be like, I can keep this in my head and I'm like, No, no, this needs to come out Friday, this needs to come out Wednesday, this needs to come out and

Maya Wilder (22:50.668)

Yep.

Megan (22:51.854)

Meanwhile I'm like, I'm not gonna remember that. That gets a doesn't get the weekly task anymore. Like weekly tasks are not cutting it. I need Monday tasks, I need Tuesday tasks, I need Friday tasks. Like that.

Maya Wilder (22:58.146)

No.

Pauline (23:03.737)

I also happen to notice that your calendar is starting to take on some color coding, just like mine. I do love that.

Megan (23:11.863)

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Maya Wilder (23:13.258)

I love it. It makes it functional. Again, the goal is functionality. It doesn't matter if it works if you know, if there's someone down the block who's like, I just remember everything. Good for you. I need lots of colors and I need, you know, alarms going off to let me know five minutes, 10 minutes, okay, gotta be in this meeting. And I'm sure you've seen it as clinicians, right? That having that structure and support, a calendar for clients, it's building up your own internal clock. So now you probably clock the path.

Megan (23:22.736)

Yeah.

Maya Wilder (23:43.105)

Passage of an hour more easily internally. Like if someone were to ask you, how many minutes has it been since we started talking? You might be able to be like, yeah, it's been like 15, 20 minutes. Like, yeah. Like you kind of know now and you're starting to read it because you've had so many other instances where you had to actually manage your time to meet clients and patients and things like that. So it's definitely

Megan (24:03.376)

We can live our life in forty five minute blocks. okay.

Pauline (24:07.255)

I'm sorry, I work on the hour.

Maya Wilder (24:07.566)

Yep.

Pauline (24:12.697)

But you know, when you think about parenting and and like that that building up your internal clock and and I'm saying this from experience, it's so important to let your kids do it on their own and not just be dependent on your clock. Right? Like

Megan (24:32.462)

I'm in the middle of that. I'm struggling with that to be honest. Yeah. Hmm.

Pauline (24:38.253)

Right. And and you know, if I if I could turn back time and do things differently, right, I would I would not be their alarm clock, right? Like, you know, it's just we can't do it internally for them. And and

You said it earlier, but the things that we're doing as parents now are not just for now. We're the the p whole purpose of doing it now is to teach them that when they go away to college, they can set an alarm and they can wake themselves up. And I think as parents we're like, no, it's our job. It's our job to wake them up. Like, no, it's your job to help them to learn to wake up.

Megan (25:14.34)

Yeah, but I wanna

Megan (25:21.528)

Yeah. I was gonna say there's an element of scaffolding, like right? Yeah.

Pauline (25:24.995)

No.

Maya Wilder (25:25.014)

Yes. But that's something that

People don't tell moms either that scaffolding is a part. I always say, like, when it comes to becoming a mom, like there's so much fine print. And every time I glance again, there's more fine print that I didn't see the last time. And I'm like, scaffolding. Didn't know, didn't know that was a part of it. Okay. Because yeah, when they're little, it's expected, socially expected, that you be their clock. And no one talks about the gradual shifts where now you're supposed to teach them how to be their own clock, but no one tells you when to do that.

to implement it and so it's a lot of trial and error.

Pauline (26:02.315)

And it's hard because you need to get out the door and get to school on time. So it's also it's also like letting them fail or be late. Like earlier you said, like, okay, we're gonna be late today and I almost stopped you to say, like, okay, can you be late? Like, is that a thing that that can happen? And like, do you do you believe like what's gonna happen if you're actually late? Like

Megan (26:05.668)

Yeah. Or it's like

Maya Wilder (26:21.046)

I'm gonna see.

Maya Wilder (26:28.428)

Mm-hmm. And then it becomes again, it's not about the time, it's not about the kid, it's about our own anxiety. Like, what are we so scared is gonna happen if it doesn't go according to plan? Ideally, we'd all be on time and it would all go perfectly, but that fear that's coming up, I think, is very, you know.

very human, we all feel it, feel it. And I often talk to clients about this too. We live in a society that really deeply values what I call crisis culture. Everything's an emergency all the time. I need this end of day. We have to be here. Whi and everyone encourages it. And I'm, you know, a pretty big believer that there's only a handful of situations that are true crisis. Like unless someone's dialing nine one one, we have not hit crisis territory. And so

I have to sometimes check myself and be like, okay, is this a true emergency, or am I just really frustrated right now because I imagined us being on time and now it looks like we're gonna be late and this, and you know what would it look like if I just call the doctor's office and said, sorry, like that, like we just aren't gonna be able to make it. Can we, you know, is there a later time available? Did someone cancel and something open up and we can come then, or whatever the case may be? And more often than not, communication really kind.

kind of takes away the fear. Like if you just ask the right questions, you'll be like, okay. It's not that serious. But also holding your kid accountable and being like, you have to learn to do this on your own. And this kind of goes back to what I was talking about in the beginning, how people are more likely to buy into a situation if they know why. So now I have the kind of conversations where I tell my kid like I'm telling you this because when you have a job, when you have when you're in college, like no one's gonna be

chasing after you to be on time to something. No one's gonna be check like you have to do it. And yeah it's it's a clunky learning curve for sure.

Megan (28:30.798)

What?

Pauline (28:30.989)

Yeah. My kid is figuring this out his o on his own because he sometimes has to do things the hard way. And he'll be like, Wow, it's so stupid. I got there like ten minutes late and they wouldn't see me. And I'm like, Mm-hmm. Yeah. That that that that that's why. He was like, But it's ridiculous. It was just ten minutes. I'm like

Pauline (28:53.615)

I didn't make up the rules. I haven't been saying it for twenty years because I made it up. But, you know, like in hindsight, like I was doing it for him and now he's figuring it out on his own and partly because I did it for him and partly because that's just who he is. He's just somebody who has to figure it out on his own and that's okay.

Maya Wilder (28:55.266)

What

Megan (28:57.125)

Maya Wilder (28:58.014)

That's

Megan (29:18.768)

Well, and the b ability to do that increases too. Like that's one thing I have to remember there. Prefrontal cortex is not fully formed. Like and there's still it's still forming and that me telling my fourteen year old like over and over again, I'm like, okay

h he is not remembering based on me repeating it over and over again. So now what do I have to do? And literally this week I was like, I need to teach him how to put things on his calendar in his phone.

Maya Wilder (29:41.098)

Yeah.

Megan (29:51.205)

And like set an alert for something. Like I haven't taught him how to do that. I've told him you have to do this every day or you have to, you know, study for biology. It's coming up. You have two weeks, we have to manage your time. What does manage his time even mean to him? He's like, Manage my video games versus hanging out with friends versus when I get to eat versus like having to go to school.

Maya Wilder (30:07.32)

For a kid? Yeah.

Megan (30:17.196)

He has no concept. Like, and I'm like, that is that's the missing link for me, is I'm thinking he understands it from my perspective and I have 30 years on him. Yeah. And I probably didn't get it figured out until I was like, well, I'm still figuring it out. But like

Maya Wilder (30:39.82)

gonna say I got it figured out like last Tuesday. Like I Yeah. But you just said something that made me think of something else when you're like, I got thirty years on him. I think that was probably the first time I started thinking about time when my son was maybe like two and I read a book

Megan (30:42.284)

Yeah. Yeah.

Maya Wilder (30:58.922)

Unconscious parenting that really shifted something in my brain. And it was like, what if you parent from a place where you're guiding them simply because you've been alive longer? Not to control anything, not but you're literally just operating from a space of I've been alive longer, so I'm gonna show you how to use a fork and I'm gonna show you how to go to school and I'm gonna show you how to study and blah blah blah. And that shifted that started kind of shifting something in me and me thinking about time back then. And now I feel like it still continues.

To inform me, like, except I'm saying the quiet part out loud, right? To get his buy and I'm saying, like, I'm not nagging you just to nag. I'm literally telling you this because I've been alive longer and I know what it takes to get through high school and get into college and so you know maybe try it this way.

Megan (31:50.553)

just reminded me of the sea turtles from finding Nemo. You know, where he's like, no, that's my dad. And he's like, Mr.

you know, is my dad and he's like, How long have you been alive? And it's like, How old are you? And he's like, I don't know, so many hundred years, But you should see how old my dad is or what I'm messing it up, I haven't seen it in forever. But it's like, he's like, Yeah, you know, you're a hundred years old and he's like, Yeah, but that's nothing. Yeah. You should see how how Yeah. Mm

Maya Wilder (32:07.148)

Like a hundred and eight or something.

Yeah.

Maya Wilder (32:22.882)

Yeah. Yeah. So it's interesting what we think of as old and what changes as we get older, but then also as our kids get older. And really just kinda coming back to a place of I'm gonna try to guide you because I've been alive longer and that's that's my qualification.

Megan (32:39.906)

Yeah. And then they start to guide us at some point, I think. Yeah. So what is what would you say is the one thing that no mom told you that you had to learn the hard way?

Maya Wilder (32:57.134)

Okay. I think hmm. the one thing that no mom told me is that as a mom, your second most valuable resource is time, and your most valuable resource is the way you think about time. And when you change the way you think about time, parenting can go a lot smoother.

Pauline (33:22.339)

Goose Pumps.

Megan (33:23.61)

Yeah.

Pauline (33:26.903)

Change the way you think about time.

Megan (33:33.444)

This has been a real treat having you on today.

Maya Wilder (33:37.418)

It's been a treat being here. This is so great.

Megan (33:40.25)

Why do we?

Pauline (33:40.289)

And time moves so fast when we are in podcast land.

Megan (33:44.176)

I know. Yeah. And I feel like even like reading your bio, I'm like, there's so many things like we can, you know, dive in and we'd love to have you on more about that. I mean,

Maya Wilder (33:44.46)

Yes. Very true.

Megan (34:02.126)

get too far into it but like you know when she and I were talking earlier it's like I my first career was an actor, you do drama therapy and I'm like terrified of doing drama therapy. So I think that would be so cool to talk about. Yeah.

Maya Wilder (34:12.782)

so we we have to talk about

Like my clientele, I always say I do my best work with creatives, caregivers, and the courageous, right? And so I've worked with so many different professionals in so many different creative industries and there's so many life lessons I feel like baked into managing creativity and life in general and yeah, and then parenthood. Yeah, there's there's a lot to discuss.

Megan (34:45.358)

Yeah, we should definitely talk about creativity and parenthood. I love that idea. That's my that'll be my jam. Okay. Thank you so much for joining us and to be continued on a different topic.

Maya Wilder (34:58.434)

Yes, thank you for having me.

Pauline (35:00.417)

It was great to have you here. The time has flown by, so and we have so much time ahead of us today. So get outside, see the sun. It's beautiful out there.

Maya Wilder (35:09.166)

Yes we do.

Maya Wilder (35:14.336)

It is.

Pauline (35:16.749)

We'll talk to you again soon. Bye everybody.