Meredith Ryness (00:00)

we all shared a single snowsuit. Like, we've got pictures of kids in this one snowsuit, you know, the infant snowsuit, like maybe three or four different kids wore it.

Megan (00:07)

Yeah,

Meredith Ryness (00:09)

that helped everybody and it connected us, which was really special.

Pauline (00:31)

hello everybody and welcome back. I'm Pauline Walfisch, co-host of What No Mom Told You, and I am here with my ever faithful co-host, Megan Nelson.

Megan (00:42)

Hi everyone.

Pauline (00:43)

Megan, would you introduce our guest today?

Megan (00:46)

today we have a very special guest

for me. It's a long, longtime friend, Meredith Reynes. She was one of my first mom friends when I had kids in the city, kind of a person I looked to for guidance and support, and you were incredible at providing all of those things.

Meredith is the owner of Tidy LA, a home organization company located in Pasadena, California. And today we've asked her to come on because I wanted to talk to her about how simplifying her life led to some really great adventures with her family. And so welcome, Meredith. We're so happy to have

Meredith Ryness (01:30)

Hey.

Megan (01:31)

you on.

Meredith Ryness (01:32)

It's so good to see you and thank you so much for having me. This is great.

Megan (01:36)

Yeah. So you lived in New York for years. That's where we met in the city. And as part of our community, you had three kids in a New York City apartment and we're kind of like living the dream there. Right. That's how that's how it was when we met, right?

Meredith Ryness (01:57)

For sure, for sure. Yup thank you so much for having me first. my husband and I are both California natives, but we were out in New York. he was pursuing Broadway theater, which he did and it was wonderful having a very great career there. We ended up staying, having kids.

that was the start, I think, of one of those things of like, well, you can't have kids in New York. Like, of course you can. And we did. You were there. So lots of people do. Lots of people grew up there. I think

Pauline (02:20)

Lots of people do. Lots and lots of people do.

Megan (02:20)

Yeah. Lots of people do. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (02:24)

as a California you know, a suburban Californian upbringing, you don't I didn't have any framework for that, what that looked like to have kids in the city. we always would talk and say, like, well when we have kids, we'll probably move back to California.

Well, then we had a kid and then we had another kid and then we had another kid and we just kept staying and he was having a lot of good success. We were enjoying being there. We found amazing community yeah, our kids were young in the city. We we had yeah three we had a a great setup, as you know, in wonderful neighborhood of Washington Heights and

It was just the best. I look back on those years now. I know that it was really, really hard, but there are things that I, you know, pull from daily, I feel like, and I feel like have influenced the way that my kids grew up in those early years. And I feel so grateful for what the

Megan (03:14)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (03:14)

city taught them, what their other parents taught them because we kind of had to. We had to learn to rely on each other because it was hard and

I very few of us had any family out there. I don't know that any of us had family in our friend group. We had we were

Megan (03:28)

No. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (03:30)

each other's family. We were, you know, sharing dinners and all

of that.

Pauline (03:36)

Meredith, did I hear you right? Did you say like their what their other parents taught them?

Meredith Ryness (03:41)

oh my gosh, yes. I feel like we really we really were. When I when I explain how we parented,

Megan (03:48)

Mm-hmm.

Meredith Ryness (03:49)

how we all parented our

kids collectively.

And we were so, so fortunate to be roughly on the same page in terms of like style of parenting, which I know is kind of rare, but we were all, you know, pretty intentional, but also a little bit loose. yeah.

Megan (04:06)

Little free. We wanted our kids to have a little bit of adventure.

Yeah.

Pauline (04:10)

Yeah. So you're not talking about like

co parents or grandparents

Meredith Ryness (04:14)

No.

Pauline (04:15)

or like polyamory.

Meredith Ryness (04:17)

no, no.

I'm sorry. I'm just talking about community.

Pauline (04:18)

You're talking about community.

Megan (04:20)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (04:21)

I should be more specific. It was like a

Pauline (04:23)

No, I mean

I love it. Like that that is, you know, it takes it's not it takes

Meredith Ryness (04:26)

Old school like neighbors.

Pauline (04:29)

a village.

Megan (04:29)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (04:29)

I mean, there were times when our kids were little, the weather would be bad, which was kind of a lot. sort of joked, like whoever had the cleanest bathroom would be like, just come over, just bring

Megan (04:39)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (04:39)

everyone over and kind of like post nap to dinner, sometimes through dinner, we would just be together. The kids had each other.

They would play, they would fight a lot of costumes, a lot of face painting. There were so many

Megan (04:50)

Lots of costumes. Yeah.

Pauline (04:55)

Yeah,

and you said your husband was on Broadway and you also have

Meredith Ryness (04:59)

He was.

Pauline (04:59)

some performance backgrounds.

Meredith Ryness (05:02)

I do, I do.

Megan (05:03)

Meredith

was in a show in Disneyland. You have other performance background. But my favorite is that

Meredith Ryness (05:08)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Megan (05:10)

you were Snow White because clearly you are Snow White. The grown up version of Snow White.

Meredith Ryness (05:16)

Yes,

I got to do it was a really sweet, sweet job. I was for a couple of years I was at the Fantasyland Theater and performing for kids And I feel like theater is a very good background for having especially young kids. There's a lot of pretending we do and a lot of acting.

Pauline (05:32)

But I

Megan (05:32)

Ha ha ha.

Pauline (05:34)

mean we tell or at least I tell new moms often,

Megan (05:36)

What?

Pauline (05:38)

fake it till you make it. sometimes it's it's just like putting that

Megan (05:41)

It's so

Meredith Ryness (05:39)

my gosh, so hard.

Pauline (05:42)

that fake smile on because babies can't really tell the difference between this and like genuine. So

Meredith Ryness (05:46)

they don't know. And too, there's some

of it too. Now that I'm thinking about it, like, you know, we're doing the same show five shows a day was what we did, I don't know a better, you know, metaphor for parenting young children. You're like, this is the same book. We're watching the same show. We're doing yes, great. Yeah.

Megan (06:04)

It's yeah.

Meredith Ryness (06:04)

And you're like, you know, you're not, you're like bored out of your mind.

But that's where like having other adults like you, we we had each other to keep each other sane

and then the kids had each other.

Megan (06:15)

We would literally rotate toys,

Meredith Ryness (06:17)

Absolutely.

Megan (06:18)

you know, I don't know if you remember, but Keith used to call me mommy no fun because I didn't want

Meredith Ryness (06:23)

Yeah.

Megan (06:23)

excess toys in the tiny apartment that we had. So we would just like

Meredith Ryness (06:27)

I loved your apartment.

Megan (06:29)

I know it was very creative.

Meredith Ryness (06:32)

You were very, very creative.

we had the best birthday parties for these kids. And it was basically like the birthday party was we'd make a cake, there would maybe be a game, maybe. And it was basically like a bucket of adult beverages, a bucket of juice boxes, happy birthday. Like it and they had a great time. Everyone had a great time.

Megan (06:54)

The first time I really remember starting to get close with you, you called me and and you said, Do you some costumes I can use for one of my kids' birthday parties? And

Meredith Ryness (07:05)

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Megan (07:06)

I was like, Got my suitcase full of costumes.

Meredith Ryness (07:09)

Mm-hmm.

Megan (07:10)

And that was really like the kids had the best time. It was like a free for all. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (07:14)

Yeah, and that was it. It was like

dress up, happy birthday. I remember She Shall Remain Nameless, if she listens or watches this, she did like a pony birthday party in Midtown. And we were like, How dare you that tell the kids that they could have had a pony party when we've been

Megan (07:31)

yeah. A pony ride.

Meredith Ryness (07:34)

just fine with our juice boxes and our dress-ups.

Megan (07:37)

You know who you are, yeah.

I know. And the kids were like, It was really cool. This is an option?

Meredith Ryness (07:40)

No, that was fun too, but they were like, wait a minute, is this how birthdays

could be?

Megan (07:47)

I thought you were gonna talk about the derby party where all the kids wore cardboard horses

Meredith Ryness (07:51)

Yeah.

we had some good

ones. I think, and I've said this a lot you know, how you can be more creative when you're working with restrictions. And I feel like it's the same with parenting of if you don't have, and especially in a in an expensive place like Manhattan, and we're, you know, we're in the LA area, also expensive. If you don't have those, you know, resources to just pay for

Endless babysitters or space or parties where you have somebody plan it and throw it and whatever. We really did have to rely on one another. And while that takes a lot of energy. It takes a lot of extra energy. Ultimately, think that's what made it so sweet that time was because

Megan (08:30)

Mm-hmm.

Meredith Ryness (08:31)

we had to rely on each other. We had to, like we didn't have a choice.

Megan (08:35)

Mm-hmm.

Meredith Ryness (08:35)

So we

became really close. And I feel like I I had in the back of my mind wow, you could really buy your way out of no community.

Megan (08:45)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (08:46)

So whenever I'm feeling kind

of like,

man, I, wish we had more resources or something like that. I try to switch my mindset to like because we don't, because we're not able to just buy our way out of it, we really do have to cultivate a stronger community. And not just, I mean, and obviously not just to get things, but

the benefits of it are so beyond the the stuff. And I really learned in those days too that asking for things or being the receiver. Obviously it's way more comfortable to give, right? It feel you feel like, great, yes, of course, I want to do this for you.

Pauline (09:21)

I think that you're about to get into the story that Megan always uses you as an example for.

Megan (09:26)

I always tell this story.

Pauline (09:27)

Megan tells this story all the time.

Megan (09:30)

With my clients, yeah.

Meredith Ryness (09:31)

I gotta hear I gotta hear it.

Megan (09:33)

so there are so many Meredith stories.

We used to joke that we were gonna get bracelets made that would say like WWMD, like what would Meredith do?

Meredith Ryness (09:43)

man, I'm sure my kids would love that.

Megan (09:46)

I what we so I work with parents, Pauline works with parents, asking for help is so hard for so many people. And I don't think people understand that it's a skill they can learn. And

Meredith Ryness (10:04)

Mm.

Megan (10:04)

I learned that skill from you.

You were one of the people that when there was a new mom and someone would say, gonna bring over home dinner, or I'm gonna bring over dinner, and they'd be like, No, no, no, no. And you're like, say yes. Just say yes. Yeah. But the story that I tell is guess after your youngest was born, I was saying, How are you managing three in the city?

and you said you have to ask for help. And you told this story of like standing on the corner where the church was, and the kids

Meredith Ryness (10:37)

yes, I remember now.

Megan (10:39)

now you know, yeah, and they and the oldest was playing on the wall, walking on the wall, and another little girl about her age was there playing and so you started talking to the mom and

back and forth and stuff. they're so cute or blah, blah. And then it got around to like what you're doing with the day. And they were like, I'm going to the library. And you said something along the lines of like, well, we're going to the park, but I have a library book. Do you mind taking it back from me and dropping it in the thing? She's like, yeah, no problem. And what I talk about is the gift of that moment is like asking for help from virtually a stranger.

Meredith Ryness (11:16)

She was a stranger.

Megan (11:18)

meant that next time you saw her or she saw you in the park, you had a connection

Meredith Ryness (11:22)

Mm.

Megan (11:23)

and she knew she could ask you for help. I'm gonna like choke up.

And like you gave us that gift, like asking to use the clothes, the costumes for the birthday party taught me that you were a safe person and that like I could give to you and you could give to me. And if I needed something, I could call you. And that is such a small act, but so beautiful.

Such a beautiful example on how to build community. And yeah,

that's my story I share all the time. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (11:52)

I love it. my gosh. I remember that. I was, I,

yeah, you, I think that that was the me, the gift of the third kid was there wasn't an option. There was no more like, I'll take this one, you take that one. mean, literally that the morning Cora was born, our youngest was born, so you were there, which I had.

incredibly multiple people that I could call to come and watch our older kids because we were having a home birth and the parade of neighbors that came through that morning was very humbling you know when people are like, Well let me know if I can do anything to help like I had those locked and loaded. I was like, Great, can you go get fruit? Can you go get

Megan (12:33)

Yeah. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (12:35)

bagels? Can you take my kids to the park? Can you and

It's hard. It's hard to do. And it feels like I don't know where we got this, where it feels like failure, or it feels

Megan (12:47)

I mean

Meredith Ryness (12:48)

like well, and also if I'm being honest, it's like l lack of control. Listen, you know, that's a little quick story you told me about me shouting to you from the from the other room having just had a baby, instructing you what snack to give my kid of like, I'm still trying to like control what he's having for breakfast.

Megan (13:05)

what happened is I was overwatching the older kids, and their youngest was being literally born that morning in the living room.

we're watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates

in the room next door. I go to make your older children breakfast and just like go into the kitchen and without missing a beat, I didn't say anything to you, of course, because I would not ask you what to make your children for breakfast right after you gave birth. You spidey sense that I'm doing that. And go ahead and like think

through like, okay, he's not gonna eat this, that or the other and you're like, try a cereal bar

Meredith Ryness (13:50)

My gosh.

Pauline (13:51)

I can just imagine like

like legs still up in the air trying to

Megan (13:55)

Mm-hmm.

Meredith Ryness (13:56)

for

sure for sure.

Megan (13:57)

Yeah, there's

the pool,

Meredith Ryness (13:59)

my gosh. And of course he only remembers. He's like, remember that day I got to watch TV in my room? That was the greatest. So I'm like, when your sister was born? Yes. iPad and Megan. I think part of that is like giving up giving up the control, asking for help. It honestly it truly started. I don't know if I ever told you this story. before we lived across the street from you, we lived a little bit south and it's still in Manhattan.

and we had this single neighbor who was very, very sweet. We'd always, you know, hi, like a very just say hi to your neighbor kind of thing. We didn't know much about each other. We knew her name and we'd say hi in the hallway. But when I was pregnant, whenever she would see me, she was very like, please let me know if there's anything I can do. You know that I have a car. If you go into labor, you can call me. We were like, Okay, thank you so much. You know, like a little bit of like, okay, we're just gonna call her randomly.

Pauline (14:46)

I feel like that would be me and my family would be like, Pauline, like you're crazy. You don't know these people. Stop it. You're embarrassing us.

Meredith Ryness (14:51)

completely. I'm I have turned into that person now too.

And there's some people accept me, and some people are like, That you're weird. But cut to we did call her. Her name's Alicia. She did drive us to the hospital and home from the hospital. And it was the sweetest, kindest, like most beautiful. I would have never been friends with her. We would have never gotten

Megan (15:13)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (15:13)

close with her because we accepted.

her help in that. and even in the work I do now, when I'm helping people organize, declutter, people are so generous. Like they want to their things to go to other people. They don't always know how to do it, or sometimes it feels, awkward. There, of course, there always is that moment. Like that lady who took my library books back, she could have been like,

What? You know, I don't know, maybe she's somewhere being like, the audacity of some people to

Megan (15:42)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (15:43)

give me their errand to do, you know, like but it was just one of those of like, yeah, we can do that. that has stayed with me. I mean, even to this day, with all the things that are going on in the world and all of the things that are happening, especially to families in the LA area.

I look around and with the people I work with and then the people my kids go to school with, of like, hey, we know how something I've said a lot with a with a friend who's in the kind of nonprofit world. We know how to take care of each other. Like moms

Megan (16:14)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (16:15)

know we know. We know what you knew what I needed. We know what a new mom needs. Like we were there

Megan (16:19)

Yeah. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (16:21)

and we know how to do it.

we know how to take care of each other. Every we all moms do. And when we are simplifying our life, we actually have margin to do it. Like you see

Megan (16:33)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (16:33)

it. And if that mom would have been in a rush and couldn't like, come on, we gotta get going. We gotta go to story time. We gotta go, you know, there if there was, if she was overwhelmed and stressed, she would not have stopped and chatted with me.

We wouldn't have this easy, like I wouldn't have felt like I could even ask her that I'm definitely not trying to, you know, shame anybody for feeling maxed out as a mom. Like that is a very normal place to be. But I found that some of that is of our own making. And then a lot of it is out of our control. But at least from my vantage point and the work that I do, a lot.

More of it is in our control than we think. And that

Megan (17:11)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (17:11)

in and when it comes to stuff, it's very much in your control. And I find that we tend to just be resolved to like, well, I've got kids, so now I've got stuff everywhere.

Megan (17:25)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (17:25)

Yes, yes and no. Yes and no.

you can say no to a lot more than you are currently saying to, but it's hard and it's not maybe uncomfortable. And maybe you have a conversation with your in-laws you're not particularly excited about.

Pauline (17:37)

And your mommy no fun.

Meredith Ryness (17:39)

and then your mommy no fun.

Megan (17:39)

The mommy, no fun.

Meredith Ryness (17:41)

I think your mommy very fun. So you can tell, keep that.

Megan (17:43)

Thank you. Thank you.

Meredith Ryness (17:44)

you know what in my that's funny to see because we only saw

the creative side, because I think that

is the margin it created for you was when you had less stuff, you were actually wildly creative and making things. And

Megan (17:55)

Totally. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (17:57)

I don't have that, you know, gene. So I'd be like, my gosh, Megan's like drawing and creating and crafting and making, you know, cardboard ponies for people to do ride in a derby. Like you can't well, okay.

Megan (18:09)

Well somebody else made them, but yeah. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (18:12)

But you can't do that if you're drowning in stuff.

You don't

Megan (18:17)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (18:17)

have the capacity. So I think that is really freeing.

Pauline (18:22)

we talk about I'm like rolling eyes at myself because I'm about to say something I don't practice. we know that when your environment is less cluttered, your anxiety is less, right? Like your mental health is better when the environment around you is not disorganized. If you could see beyond my camera, you would know why I'm rolling my eyes at myself.

Megan (18:43)

I'm looking

at my desk right now and I'm like,

Pauline (18:46)

Right. But I've never really

Meredith Ryness (18:46)

It's all right, it's all right.

Pauline (18:48)

thought I've never really thought about how tidying up your life makes more room for friends and community.

Meredith Ryness (18:57)

So much so I don't know that I would be able to do half the things I do if I was consumed with my stuff. I I mean I have the benefit of where I'm in people's homes every day pretty much. And I think it's, you know, one of those frog in the boiling water? I think we don't notice, you know, until

Megan (19:16)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (19:17)

it's gotten too bad. And then when you have the relief.

Megan (19:20)

And you don't even notice where you're

overwhelmed that it's a source of the overwhelm. It's like yeah.

Meredith Ryness (19:24)

Not at all. Well, and you think

that, well, this is just how it is. Like it's just gonna be it's toddlers, it's stuff everywhere, it's this and and again, like yes, of course, but there are some lies from our society about what kids need and and we're only the only messaging we get is consumption. Like that we don't get

Megan (19:44)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (19:44)

a messaging of, not regularly anyway. Like you get if you have a problem, you solve it with a thing.

Pauline (19:51)

Yeah, now they have

they have nosebleed tampons. I hear this commercial all the time. I'm like, really? Like

Meredith Ryness (19:54)

I have seen these yes. There's

we we did okay without it for a long time. But I think that's

Megan (20:01)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Meredith Ryness (20:06)

what, you know, that's what well one living in I mean, I was already sort of bent that way a little bit of getting rid of things, but

living in the city with three little kids taught me that of you just couldn't have an extra baby swing.

Laying around when you were done with it. You're like, I'm done with it. It's gotta go today. And you would find somebody who had another baby. And then you're like, great, would you like it? Would you want to take it? we all shared a single snowsuit. Like, we've got pictures of kids in this one snowsuit, you know, the infant snowsuit, like maybe three or four different kids wore it.

Megan (20:38)

Yeah,

Meredith Ryness (20:40)

that helped everybody and it connected us, which was really special.

But I think that I learned from that time.

How little they actually need. And I wouldn't say I think I've become more of a minimalist now in my life. Just me personally, not my I don't make my family do that. But just because I see the weight and as I get older, I just want more and more clarity. And for me, the stuff really weighs on me. So I think I I got to see firsthand.

Partly because of our just our actual limitations of living in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment with with five people. I think we were what we were like seven hundred and fifty square feet and

Megan (21:21)

Mm-hmm.

Meredith Ryness (21:21)

how happy everybody was. Now they were little, so I understand if people've got, you know, teens, but I know that it can work.

Pauline (21:28)

New Yorkers are like seven hundred and fifty square feet. That's amazing. And the

Megan (21:32)

Mm-hmm.

Pauline (21:32)

rest of the country's listening right now being like, oh my God

Meredith Ryness (21:32)

Totally. What?

Megan (21:36)

Yeah, yeah.

Meredith Ryness (21:36)

How could you ever? I actually had a friend

who we lived in New York together, you know, many years. She just came over to our house, which is for California standards, you know, we've got I maybe it's through 1,300 square feet. But we, you know, five, five people, and two of them are like adults basically. she was like, wow, this place is huge. You know, like two bathrooms. Woo!

It's like whatever you're you know, whatever you're

Megan (22:02)

Mm-hmm.

Meredith Ryness (22:03)

anchored on is the space that you feel like you you need to have,

Megan (22:08)

you've lived in smaller than seven hundred and fifty square feet. So when you made the move, yeah.

Meredith Ryness (22:11)

We have. Yeah. So we Yeah,

when we moved from New York, we after we had our third, we were feeling a lot. We have all of our families out on the West Coast and we're very close with them. we were starting to feel Just kind of heart sick for grandparents. And we'd toured with my husband a couple of times.

which, you know, being on the road too and being a different Airbnbs with a bunch of kids, you're like, they really need very little. They're especially when they're little, little. we were spending more time with family when we were on tour and just missing them and wanting them to have their cousins, wanting them to have their grandparents. And so we started thinking about like, okay, if we get an opportunity makes sense to go back.

California, we're gonna take it. And then within a year, we got that. my husband and I don't agree on everything, but I feel like the really big weird things, one of us will say it and the other one will be like, Yes, we're gonna move to New York, like, great, you know, yes, that is what we should do. And then when we

When we decided to move back, we're like, all right, this is the time. He had a show that was closing. he had finished up a tour that asked him to finish off the Broadway run. And we knew the end date of the show, which was like miracle of miracles for Broadway to know what your closing date is. So we're like, all right, this is great. We know we can save, we can, you know, do all this and say a proper goodbye to the city that we love so much. And then we were like, what if we bought an RV?

Mind you, we've never we didn't we've never nary camped together, never gone like I don't know what possessed us. We're like, we're gonna buy an RV.

Pauline (23:48)

So from New York City

Meredith Ryness (23:50)

I guess.

Pauline (23:52)

to an RV

Meredith Ryness (23:54)

To an RV to a twenty no, what was I don't know even know how many feet long it is anymore, but we bought an RV we Dutchy, Dutchy the Dutchman, we

Megan (24:01)

Dutchy Yep. Yep.

Meredith Ryness (24:05)

parked it in Megan's driveway.

Megan (24:09)

Yeah, after we moved to Long Island. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (24:10)

we called in every favor we had ever built up over the years and people helped us fix it up

Megan made curtains. We helped our kids make curtains for curtains

Megan (24:20)

Curtains and cushions, yeah.

Meredith Ryness (24:22)

and cushions. It was a beautiful, insane time. But we loaded everybody up. This is also in the winter

Megan (24:29)

Three kids got the stomach bug that weekend too. Yeah. If I remember.

Meredith Ryness (24:31)

A hundred percent.

Megan (24:32)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (24:33)

A hundred percent. And my kids can never have you know that cute little pot pie place that's in your little town in Long Island?

They can never have pot pies again, unfortunately, because of this experience.

That was real community there. Good

thing we had built up so much, you know, sisterhood by that time. It was that was it got very real.

ended up on the RV and went and saw as many national parks as we could. We thought we need we need we can't go from New York to LA and not have some kind of pause, reflection, we were very we know we were very, very lucky to have that built up enough.

cushion that we could go and travel and be, you know, not have to work for a little bit. although we did have a breakdown in New Mexico and we thought, well, that was the best one month, six month journey or whatever, however far we were into the trip thinking like the RV

Pauline (25:25)

like the RV broke down, not you.

Meredith Ryness (25:27)

broke down, not well, yes, we did as well. But we

Megan (25:28)

Yeah, yeah.

Pauline (25:30)

In in our line of work we hear breakdown very differently.

Meredith Ryness (25:34)

I'm sorry.

Well, our what's funny is, you know, how the kids experience it and how we experience it. They're like, yeah, remember that awesome week we spent at the La Quinta Inn in, you know, that had a pool. We're like, yes, that's when we thought the trip is done, our transmission is out, and This great adventure we've taken has like led us here. yeah, we went and saw a ton of national parks. We made some some friends who are still friends.

to this day. This was almost 10 years ago now. and just had this incredible adventure of I don't know, figuring out who we were outside of New York, what was important to us, just having adventure with our kids, enjoying the country a little bit, finding new spots to see and enjoy and go back to even now. And again, like

Simplifying.

realized we went down to very little and obviously everyone had one little closet that we were still donating things on the road. You the level of stuff that we truly needed, I

became very apparent because you're, you seeing, you're living in your space, you're using only what you, you know, only what you're carrying on the RV and it helped me see how much more life can be lived outside of the stuff that we have.

Megan (26:50)

Yeah.

And that really

in my perspective kind of launched you to where you are today with your career and helping other parents. yeah.

Meredith Ryness (26:58)

for Sure.

I think that there's a little bit of a rebel in us, I think, the idea that, well, you can't do that. Well, you can't raise kids in Manhattan of like, yeah, well, watch us do it. Or no, you can't, you know, have three kids in a tiny apartment of like, sure you can. Well, you can't live on, you know, an RV with your family. Like, yeah, you can. You can do it. Well, I can't get rid of, you know.

75% of my toddler's toys, you're like, you actually can. And you might be surprised I think that was it. It wasn't so much just rebelling for rebelling's sake, but try it. See if you if there's something within you that says, gosh, I just want to like throw everything away. You know, I hear mom say that of like, try

Megan (27:39)

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Meredith Ryness (27:42)

it. Try it and see what happens. Cause you might surprise yourself of these things that you feel like you're locked into or you feel like

you don't have an option. If you need permission from someone to do that, like permission granted, I grant the permission to do whatever it is that you need to do to to feel better, to feel like if you feel like you need that, then then do it.

Megan (28:06)

Yeah. Keith's gonna be like, What when I throw out half my house in this weekend.

Pauline (28:11)

So Meredith,

Meredith Ryness (28:14)

okay.

Pauline (28:12)

give us a tip, right?

I I have this decorative spongy apple

Meredith Ryness (28:20)

Yes.

Pauline (28:21)

that I was so lucky enough to catch at the sphere at the Wizard of Oz. And so I brought it home, keep it on my shelf. It has some sentimental value.

Meredith Ryness (28:36)

Uh-huh.

Pauline (28:36)

But you

know how many of these kinds of things I have? So how do you tell

Meredith Ryness (28:40)

Guessing a lot.

Pauline (28:41)

people to like get rid of this sentimental, beautiful styrofoam apple?

Megan (28:45)

Ha ha

Meredith Ryness (28:48)

I would say that that one, I would say I heard that that was an amazing show I

Pauline (28:53)

It was amazing.

Meredith Ryness (28:54)

I bet it was incredible. And I can see why you would want to hang on to that. are lots of layers of that, right? You had a great experience. It was unique. You like kind of got chosen and like got to have something special that not everybody got. And so it's this representation of this beautiful experience that you had. I would

Pauline (29:12)

Thank you for validating

my feelings.

Meredith Ryness (29:14)

You're

welcome. I swear to you, this is like, and I true, and I'm not, you know, of course, you guys know as therapists, like we're not, I'm not BSing you. Like it really is cool. I think that's really, you amazing. And I think people do need to hear, like, yeah, there's a reason it's not we get down on ourselves and there's a lot of shame of like, what's my problem? Why can't I just look at my clutter desk? Like, who cares? Of like, you care, you care because it's a cool thing and we like cool things and we love the experiences.

I think you have to trust that. I would tell if you were my client, I would say you trust that those memories will still be there without that item. And do you have anything else, like a picture or something that's gonna help you like jog those, you know, those memories? But if it really is something that brings you joy when you see it, put it out on a shelf. But when you start to resent that you don't have enough space or freedom or

You're wanting the simplicity more than you want the things. That's when it shifts.

Megan (30:11)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (30:12)

So just like any lifestyle change

Megan (30:14)

There goes my kids

Harry Potter Lego sets because

not touching them.

Meredith Ryness (30:21)

So tough too, and especially as parents, people go, Well, I paid so much money for this,

Megan (30:25)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (30:25)

or I did, or they asked me for it. I mean, honestly, kids are really good. People say, like, my kid will never get rid of. And then I get in there and they're like, Don't need this, don't need this. And they're like, From grandma? No, I spent $300 on that Lego set. We're not getting rid of that. It's like, no, this is your parents. It's not you. They're very good

Megan (30:43)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (30:43)

at being in the moment. I mean, there's some that are, you know, some kids are very sentimental, but

most kids are pretty good at knowing this is what serves me now and I don't need this anymore.

Megan (30:52)

Yeah. Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (30:54)

so maybe you have a shelf where those live and that helps you kind of balance And this was something I did as for for any parent of to put them back in control of you decide the space that's available to this for the stuff, and then they get to pick what the stuff is.

Megan (31:14)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (31:15)

So

if you say, and you

Pauline (31:16)

I like that.

Meredith Ryness (31:17)

don't have to say like cause cause parents come in and go, my gosh, you have a thousand stuffies. We're getting rid of some of these stuffies today. Like that,

Megan (31:23)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (31:26)

I hear that all the time. And I probably have used that voice myself. You know, we get overwhelmed, we're sick of it, we know that they have more than they need. but when we come in with that kind of vibe and attitude, immediately they're like, All of these stuffies are actually my favorite stuffies and

you need to step off. But

If you come obviously in a calm way where you're not, you know, redlining with all the items and even have a family meeting, I usually recommend to people of saying, Hey, I'm feeling really overwhelmed with how much stuff's in your room and own your for your own self. How

Megan (31:59)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (32:00)

are you feeling about your room? And they might be like, I feel great about my room and be like, Okay, well, I'm too overwhelmed with how much stuff's in your room.

And so we gotta have to we're gonna have to make some changes. You are gonna be in control of what you know, the things that you keep. And I'm never gonna get rid of your favorite items. Like those

Megan (32:15)

No.

Meredith Ryness (32:16)

are really important. Like kids need to know you're not gonna take their, you know, their their most loved items. So, and then then you can go to like, hey, let's what if we come up with together? We have this bin, we have this basket. Why don't you choose the stuffies that can fit in this basket? Let's

Megan (32:33)

Mm.

Meredith Ryness (32:33)

pick everything that can fit in this basket, all your favorites, put your favorites in first.

And then the other ones we're gonna share with somebody else. You know, so you're setting the limit and you're not giving them a basket that's this big. Like you're you're being reasonable. one of the best things I ever did, and they still have it to this day, even though they're like almost 17 and 15. Everyone has a treasure box. You know, those little like tchke things that kids come home with that drive parents up the wall. So, like, my gosh, this is great for your treasure box. Is this your treasure box, Pauline?

Pauline (33:04)

I mean it's one of several treasures.

Meredith Ryness (33:05)

it's your treasure box. That's

fine. Well, you're an adult. You can have as many treasure boxes as you want. But I put

Pauline (33:11)

Okay.

Megan (33:11)

Yeah.

Meredith Ryness (33:12)

their name on it and it's a good size, you know, it's bit probably like twice the size of a shoebox. It was like, yes, your treasure box. Well, then they would get it down and go, you know, something that was important to them three years ago, like a rock or something. They're like, I don't know why this is in here anymore. So practicing regularly that you're going through stuff with them. And if you start.

to do that, it becomes a habit just like anything else. And they come to expect it. And then kids learn that we don't hold on to things forever. And I think that's something that adults could learn when they're younger too, that there's a life cycle to your things. And so because of that,

You're gonna pick different things. You're gonna treat your things differently. not gonna be disposable, you know, like, I'm gonna have this for how long? You're gonna be a little more thoughtful about your consumption and then also get in the habit of regularly going through your things. And I don't, you know, when kids are really little, you kind of have to do it a lot, you know, because they're changing so quickly. But as they get older, they are, you know, and some do it more willingly than others, but they

Come to expect it and then it's not, you know, traumatic to get rid of things they've outgrown or and then

Pauline (34:25)

Right. It just becomes part of lifestyle.

Meredith Ryness (34:28)

it is, and it was a beautiful thing too as a mom, especially as my kids were going from tween or kid to tween. There were moments and I had to bite my tongue because they'd be like, I think I'm done with this. And you're like, you know, like your baby dolls, you know, and then you have your moment.

Megan (34:41)

Not that yeah.

So Meredith, what would you say the one thing that no mom told you would be when it comes to simplification?

Meredith Ryness (34:51)

What no mom told me is that I am the curator of my kids' environment.

Megan (35:01)

Mm. How that?

Meredith Ryness (35:03)

So that

and that's an important and it's an in their environment is important and can do a lot of the heavy lifting for you.

Megan (35:11)

Yeah. This has been an absolute pleasure. I've missed you and I love seeing your face. And thank you for sharing all of this with us.

Meredith Ryness (35:18)

This been so great.

Thank you so much for having me on, and it's so great to see you and to remember all of our sweet days of parenting little kids.

Megan (35:24)

I know. I didn't I didn't

realize it would be so such a wonderful trip down memory lane, but I'm really grateful

Meredith Ryness (35:31)

Yeah.

Megan (35:32)

you have been part of my parenting community.

Meredith Ryness (35:35)

Same friend, same. Yeah, thank you.

Pauline (35:37)

It was lovely meeting you. Bye. Thank

Meredith Ryness (35:38)

Love to meet you, Pauline. Good luck with all your little treasures. Goodbye.

Pauline (35:43)

you.