Pauline (00:41) Hello everybody and welcome back. My name is Pauline Walfisch I am a clinical social worker from Helping Hands and I am here today with two very special people, my co-host and fellow social worker, Megan Nelson will kick us off. Megan (00:57) Hi! Nice to see everyone. I'm here introducing our guest. Our guest today is Neha Bajaj She's a licensed master social worker in New York State. She also holds an MBA and worked in the education and not-for-profit fields. She has experience working with neurodivergent individuals and families. She's the author of a children's book, Noah's Intense Day, focused on sensory challenges of autism. She regularly visits schools to present on Neurodivergence and Empathy. Neha is a therapist at Helping Hand Psychotherapy and my fellow grad school classmate. Welcome Neha. Neha Bajaj (01:39) Thank you. Pauline (01:39) Bye. Neha Bajaj (01:39) It's ⁓ so good to be here with you guys. ⁓ Pauline (01:42) Welcome Neha. We have three Seawolves in the room actually. We're all Stony Brook alumni. ⁓ Neha Bajaj (01:45) Woohoo! That's great. Megan (01:46) ⁓ it's going to break. Neha Bajaj (01:49) Yes. Representing. Megan (01:50) grateful for social workers. Pauline (01:52) Woohoo!Woohoo! Who runs the world? Neha Bajaj (01:55) Thank you guys. Yeah, exactly. Moms and social workers. Megan (01:57) Ha ha ha ha! Moms and Pauline (02:02) That's right. Megan (02:03) social workers, right? we should have t-shirts made. We moms and social workers. Yeah. Neha Bajaj (02:06) Yeah. Yeah. Pauline (02:10) Neha, welcome and thanks for joining us today. Megan used a really big word and it's a word I think that like hasn't always been in the popular vocabulary but has been getting some growing recognition and she talked about your work with people with neurodivergence. So before we get started, can you just say a little bit about like what exactly that is or what that means? Neha Bajaj (02:33) Yeah, so, and I won't have like a scientific definition here, but I would compare neurodivergence, right, to neurotypical. So neurotypical is your brain works in like the typical manner, your senses are integrated, right, your language is typical. So neurodivergent is anything really that diverges from that, and it is an umbrella term. So it can include autism, it can include just sensory challenges, anxiety falls under there, ADHD falls under neurodivergence. So it really is like anytime that your brain is differing from the typical. And you know, a lot of times we do see that manifest as sensory challenges and your brain really taking the world in differently is what I say when I visit schools. It's our brain takes things in differently. Pauline (03:25) Yeah,I feel like it takes things in differently and it puts things out differently, right? There's some challenges that come with that neurodivergence and then there's some really awesome stuff that can happen when you have neurodivergence because you think, some people think, in a different way than what's typical and that's what makes it fun and creative and lots of different experiences. Neha Bajaj (03:31) Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Megan (03:51) It's the thinking outside the box. You hear that a lot when you're like, this person thinks outside the box or does things their own way. Sometimes that's a sign that lends itself towards neurodivergence. Neha Bajaj (04:04) Yeah, the creativity, right? Yeah, yeah. Pauline (04:06) Yeah, and it de-pathologizes or like makes it not so bad to be different. It's not like one, there's a right way and a wrong way. No, there's like a typical way that most people's brains work. And then there are some people whose brains work just a little bit differently. Neha Bajaj (04:12) Thank you. Right. Yeah, yeah. And it is, I think there are so many awesome aspects of it as well. Yeah. Yeah. Pauline (04:30) Yeah, and lots of challenging ones, especially when you have a neurodivergence in a world that is really used to and caters to people who are neuro-typical. Neha Bajaj (04:42) Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think that is like, it's where a lot of times we expect neurodivergent people to adapt to this world, right? And that can be a lot of masking and things like that that are challenging. And yeah, I think a lot of my advocacy work is about like, acceptance, not just awareness, but like acceptance, like this is, this is, you know, neurodivergence is a way to be and it's not like you said, Pauline, like there's nothing wrong with it. It's the wayYeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think that is like, it's where a lot of times we expect neurodivergent people to adapt to this world, right? And that can be a lot of masking and things like that that are challenging. And yeah, I think a lot of my advocacy work is about like, acceptance, not just awareness, but like acceptance, like this is, this is, you know, neurodivergence is a way to be and it's not like you said, Pauline, like there's nothing wrong with it. It's the way They are, and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Megan (05:13) And if our world wasn't so structured for the neurotypical, which is one way or another, right, then it wouldn't necessarily be as challenging, right? It's like this functioning in a world that's just built for people whose brains work differently, Neha Bajaj (05:22) Yeah. Yeah, Pauline (05:29) So that brings us to why you're here today and like how your thing that no mom told you, right? Something that you had to learn on your own by experience and maybe even alone. Neha Bajaj (05:45) Yeah. Yeah, I feel like for me, the hardest thing was that I came to realize that nobody told me was really how physically and mentally exhausting it was going to be parenting a special needs kid, a neurodivergent child. Like, it's one thing you get the diagnosis and then you go home and you're processing that and doing all the research. Like, what does this mean? What is this going to look like for my child's, right? Going through all the evals and everything. And I feel Pauline (06:08) yeah. Neha Bajaj (06:12) like you're so wrapped up in all of that and trying to like figure out how to make this okay for yourself, for your child, for everyone, and you're just doing it. And I don't feel like anyone at any point along the way was like, this is gonna be a lot. this is gonna be a lot for you. And I think the physical exhaustion is really, it's coming from the mental exhaustion. Like it's so draining. You're constantly on and depending on the needs of your child, like you don't get breaks. know, like I remember.We have this Super Bowl party that we go to every year at a friend's house. And we've gone there since my son was a baby, you know? And so I've seen kind of the progression. And just recently, a couple of years ago, one of the moms pulled me aside and she said, wow, you're just, it's a lot. And I really didn't know what she was talking about. And I was like, what do you mean? And she said, with your son, like you can't, like, you have to constantly be watching him. And I almost burst into tears. Like, I was like, my God, you're right. Like, it is a lot. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. Pauline (07:10) ⁓ wow, so it sounds like you felt seen in that moment, like... Megan (07:13) you know. That's so valuable, you know. We all have children and I remember even when my kid was two, three years old and needed speech therapy and was so frustrated and the speech therapist came in and said, this is a lot for you. And again, bursting out in tears because that powerful moment of being like, I'm not crazy. It's not that I just can't handle it, because that's what it feels like at first before you really know. You're like, if you don't know how different your child is from the typical or not, you know, you're just living it, right? And so like when someone can say, I see how hard you're working. Pauline (07:47) Right, because it's just you're normal. Neha Bajaj (07:48) Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, yes. Pauline (07:55) Neha, you even said it when you were just describing it. You were like, I got the diagnosis, I went home, I researched, I did all the things and like, I didn't even think about it. I just did it, right? Like you go into autopilot, like, and not even realizing how much just doing it takes from you emotionally and physically. Neha Bajaj (08:06) Yeah.Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And all the things that it brings with it, like all the feelings, the emotions, they're there, right? But you're just like not acknowledging it. Yeah. Yes. Pauline (08:28) Yeah. Megan (08:28) What, and all the fears? Like, I think that can be the huge thing. It's like, I need to do all of these things to help my kid in this future. But you don't know what that's gonna look like. So you're kinda guessing or fear is shaping that for you or sometimes you have examples. I don't know, but it's a... Neha Bajaj (08:38) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pauline (08:51) So what do you mean physically? health? Like, are you talking about health? Are you talking about size? Are you talking about, you know, like what was the physical stuff for you? Neha Bajaj (09:00) Yeah. I mean, for me, the biggest thing I can remember is sleep deprivation, which I think like every new mom understands that, right? You have like both of you, I feel like had like immediate reactions to that. understand that. But then when you have a neurodivergent child, like a lot of times they don't sleep through the night for much longer than a typical child doesn't sleep through the night. Sometimes they never do. mean, my son still sometimes will come in and he's like 14 in the middle of the night and be like, I'm scared of this. Pauline (09:08) her. Neha Bajaj (09:32) go walk back to his room and you know, it's okay, you're okay. But for him, it took years to get to the point where it wasn't like two, three times a night. And so I feel like that physical exhaustion and the sleep deprivation just went on for so much longer. And as you know, when you don't sleep, like it has all these other trickle down effects, right? Like you're more stressed out, you can't think as clearly and logically and it drains you. So I think that was a big one.go walk back to his room and you know, it's okay, you're okay. But for him, it took years to get to the point where it wasn't like two, three times a night. And so I feel like that physical exhaustion and the sleep deprivation just went on for so much longer. And as you know, when you don't sleep, like it has all these other trickle down effects, right? Like you're more stressed out, you can't think as clearly and logically and it drains you. So I think that was a big one. Pauline (09:57) Okay. Neha Bajaj (10:01) And then I think. Pauline (10:02) I remind people all the time that they use sleep deprivation in war torture. Right? Like that is what... Neha Bajaj (10:08) Yeah, yeah, it's a real torture. Yeah, 100%. Megan (10:11) Yeah, sleep deprivation is the only time I remember like saying, I want a knight on a white horse to come in and save me. And as illogical as that sounded, that's like the one thing I just, I just need, I felt like I needed someone to save me because it is torture. Neha Bajaj (10:21) Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Pauline (10:31) Yeah. And I imagine when you have a special needs kid, like even when you are sleeping, it's like not restful. You have one eye open or are kind of like subconsciously waiting for something to wake you up or... Neha Bajaj (10:47) Yeah.Yeah, I do think there was a lot of that in the first, like I would say, I mean, like I said, it went on for years, like six or seven years. It wasn't even just waking up at night. It was also waking up earlier than like kids wake up early, right? But like neurodivergent kids usually wake up even earlier. So it was like 5 a.m. wakings for years. And I thought it was never going to change. And yeah, so you are, you're always kind of like, I don't know what the word is. I think it's like, just at like at the ready right you're always just ready for something And then I think also like the stress, just the stress of having a neurodivergent child, like from the day of diagnosis, like going through. And I mean, it's hard to sit in therapies with your child and really see them struggle to do things that other kids can do. You know, you're seeing them develop. They, come easily like talking. My son talked very late. he didn't really say his first words till he was four. And there was a time where we didn't know if he going to talk at all. And I remember now I look back and I'm like, wow, I had like dreams where he would be talking. And then I would wake up and be like, my God, that was a dream. That wasn't real. But like that desire was so strong, but it was subconscious. Like I didn't, I mean, obviously I knew I wanted him to talk, but like it was even while I was sleeping, that's where my mind was. Pauline (12:09) Now your brain is still functioning even in your sleep, right? That's where we're processing all of the things that have happened during the day and our hopes and dreams and anxieties. Neha Bajaj (12:12) Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Megan (12:22) that like am I doing everything I can to support them. Neha Bajaj (12:26) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pauline (12:27) so sleep like really had an impact on like energy and concentration and like thinking clearly. Were there other physical ways that that showed up for you?Neha Bajaj (12:29) Yes. Yes. Yes, I think. ⁓ I think for me, I went into like hyper-functioning mode. So I was always like, I'm gonna work out and like make sure I'm in shape. And I was like at times hard on myself, although I did run a half marathon. So I guess that was a good outcome. Yeah, like don't do that. Pauline (12:59) I'm going to say that that's hard on yourself too, but I'm not a runner. So unless somebody's chasing me, I'm not running. Neha Bajaj (13:07) I mean, that's Megan (13:07) Yeah. Neha Bajaj (13:07) where I am now. I'm like, I'm done. I'm good. Megan (13:11) saying that that was like a way of you coping with the stress? Neha Bajaj (13:14) ⁓ 100%. Yeah, I think it was me. It was like many things, but like trying to distract myself, like trying to... show myself that I could do something and be successful because I think like such a big part of this is also as I've talked to more and more special needs moms over the years is like we just feel like we're failing like there's such an overwhelming sense of failure ⁓ because your child is not meeting the milestones like they're not at the same level as other kids in their grade right so it's always like as moms I feel like we internalize that and we think it's us and to be able to then Pauline (13:38) Hmm.and it's Neha Bajaj (13:52) like, no, it's not. Pauline (13:52) not within your control. Neha Bajaj (13:53) Yeah, it's not under your control. And I think for me, it was like, where can in my life can I like, figure out and have some control? So let me go run a half marathon. Megan (14:03) How did you parent differently? Like, have you noticed that you, you know, we hear a lot that you have to parent neurodivergent children differently than the neurotypical kid. And that can be really challenging in families that, you know, I mean, I do for my kid. I have a child with ADHD who we parent differently than the kid that doesn't have ADHD. And that can be really difficult. Do you find that that shows up with you? Neha Bajaj (14:16) Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think having multiple children, like that sibling dynamic is so challenging when you have one child that's neurodivergent because my typical child is younger. So he's always like, well, how come the rules feel different for him, you know, my older son? And that is difficult because I'm, yeah, sometimes they are different, you know, and it's like, well, it's like, that's what he's capable of right now, or he's having a hard time right now. And so this is what we're doing. It is challenging and I think it's like a constant check on myself of like, I doing the best for both my kids? Am I doing what they, like am I giving them both what they need? Meeting them where they each are and then just like not feeling bad about that. Pauline (15:12) I totally get that. Also, I've got double kids and one of each and still comparing and I think that saying comparison is the thief of joy. Right? And like just reminding your kids like, just worry about you. These are specially developed rules to meet you where you are. Neha Bajaj (15:15) Yeah. Mm-hmm.I love that. Yeah. Pauline (15:37) ⁓ But as a parent, like trying to navigate two sets of rules and two systems and be a good parent and not feel bad and feel like you're doing everything that you can and not screw up your kids and... Neha Bajaj (15:50) Yeah. Megan (15:50) picking your battles for one and then holding the other accountable and you're like, it's really, and sometimes you do feel like you're failing because not everyone's gonna understand, right? Neha Bajaj (15:54) Yes! Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Pauline (16:01) Yeah, and that's exhausting. ⁓ Neha Bajaj (16:04) adding to the list of exhausting things. Yeah. Pauline (16:09) I hear a lot from my clients who have kids with a lot of services of just how demanding it is to either, even when the services are in the home, like people just coming and going and keeping track of schedules and getting to appointments and connecting people and making sure that you've done all of the things. It sounds like a job in and of itself. Neha Bajaj (16:15) Mm-hmm. It is, yeah. It's definitely, I mean, it is a full-time job in itself. Just organizing everything, everyone's schedule, making sure like, you know, what's happening when. We had home therapy for a long time. And speaking of like the sibling dynamic, my one son would be getting ABA therapy. And then the other one who at the time was like two or three years old is like, why is this person not playing with me? Like, why does my brother get this friend who comes every week and plays with him?Just organizing everything, everyone's schedule, making sure like, you know, what's happening when. We had home therapy for a long time. And speaking of like the sibling dynamic, my one son would be getting ABA therapy. And then the other one who at the time was like two or three years old is like, why is this person not playing with me? Like, why does my brother get this friend who comes every week and plays with him? And sometimes we would integrate him, but other times it was very much like that was the physical, like, okay, like picking him up and moving him somewhere and doing something with him. Like, it's not like it was free time, you know, it was just, it was constant. And then it was like driving to here for this therapy that they don't come to the house and coordinating with the schools, which is like a whole nother level of things, right? Yes. Megan (17:26) We can probably do another whole episode on how Pauline (17:26) Thank Megan (17:30) to talk to people, 504s, IEPs, all of that stuff. Neha Bajaj (17:32) I know. Yeah, yeah. And I'm managing that. Yeah, yeah. That's... Pauline (17:37) Yeah, it reminded me too, I have a friend who has children with autism and like the when you You know, when you first said physical, I didn't even think about her, but like she used to have to carry, like physically carry her 12 or 14 year old when, you know, he was having a meltdown or something really set him off and times where she got physically injured just in trying to like care for him and keep him safe. And you know how hard I know how hard it was to wrestle a two year old. Neha Bajaj (17:55) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Yeah, right, right. Pauline (18:18) to change a diaper, right? But as kids get bigger and you have to physically be involved in their care, that gets harder and harder on your body.kids get bigger and you have to physically be involved in their care, that gets harder and harder on your body. Neha Bajaj (18:27) Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Especially once the child is like taller than you and bigger than you and not so much a child. Yeah. Pauline (18:35) Yeah, yeah, she was like this little thing and we would see her at school affairs and like he'd have his legs around her and everybody be like, look at how awesome she is. And like, special appearance. Neha Bajaj (18:46) Yeah. Megan (18:47) Not everybody has that reaction of seeing. So sometimes people will see parents that are, you know, having, dealing with, doing their best to work with kids in the middle of a meltdown in public. And then like, they get negative responses to that, And I think that can just like add to that. Neha Bajaj (19:05) Yeah Megan (19:09) level of like, what am I doing wrong, even though doing nothing wrong, Neha Bajaj (19:13) And we definitely had those instances, especially when my son was younger. He He loved bright lights, so he would get very excited with bright lights. And he must have been two or three years old, and we were waiting online for Italian ice, as it was a nice summer night. And he was so excited, because he could see all the streetlights and the cars, and there was this one woman who was just like, you need to be careful with him. She was implying he was going to run out into the street, and... You know, I, at the time was kind of caught off guard. Like, you know, I think I understood that like he looks different right now than a typical child. And I just didn't know how to respond. And I just smiled and you know, nodded. Went about our ice cream adventure. But yeah, I think that's like a whole other aspect of it is other people's reactions and being able to navigate that and understand. think I've come to understand like people need education and that's where the awareness piece is so important because, you know, they don't understand what's happening with your child. And maybe she did think he was going to, he was unsafe and like she was just warning us, but I think it's so important, which is also why I go out and advocate. think like the inclusion piece is so.But yeah, I think that's like a whole other aspect of it is other people's reactions and being able to navigate that and understand. think I've come to understand like people need education and that's where the awareness piece is so important because, you know, they don't understand what's happening with your child. And maybe she did think he was going to, he was unsafe and like she was just warning us, but I think it's so important, which is also why I go out and advocate. think like the inclusion piece is so. important because as more and more kids with autism are in the community and they're stimming and they're doing their thing and being themselves like it's just becomes normal. Yeah. Pauline (20:33) What? What is stimming? Neha Bajaj (20:35) So stimming is, it could be when they get overwhelmed, it could be when they get excited, but it's like some sort of usually like body movement. can also be vocal stimming where they'll make a noise and it's a way for them to kind of self-regulate. So it's like stimulation, like self-stimulating. That's where the self-stimming comes from. But yeah, it is when you, if you see a child that's kind of making some sort of, usually it's like a body movement, but it can be verbal as well. Pauline (20:44) Thank you. Got it. Yeah, and it it calls attention, right? Because it's something, know, we neurotypical people can self like soothe quietly and internally, nobody knows it's happening. Right. But stimming is a very visible or auditory thing that makes people pay attention. Neha Bajaj (21:03) Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Right. Yeah, yeah. And you know, it can make you uncomfortable. You don't know what's happening. You think the person might need help or maybe they're trying to, you know, alert you to something. And I think it is good to just know like, no, they're good. They're just regulating themselves. Yeah.Megan (21:35) Yeah. Pauline (21:38) No, I was just gonna I heard recently somebody comparing, you know, all of the stress and the trauma that we hold in our body and needing a way to get it out of our body. so stimming is a way that, you know, people who are nonverbal can regulate their nervous systems by by doing movements. And somebody recently said, like, that's like that's like the toddler experience, right? Before they have words, they just throw themselves on the floor and they kick and scream. how they get that feeling out of their body, right? And so Neha, you started this saying like, how much the emotional toll had on my body. And you don't have the opportunity to stim or to throw yourself on the ground and kick your feet. Although, I mean, we happily give you that opportunity, not during session, but like between sessions, feel free to lay on the floor and kick and scream. Megan (22:08) regulations. Yeah. Neha Bajaj (22:09) Yeah. Yeah. I'm Megan (22:25) you Neha Bajaj (22:25) Right. Okay, I will. Megan (22:32) How did you start to regulate yourself when you're going through all of this? What was soothing or helpful to you while you were learning to parent? Neha Bajaj (22:42) Yeah, I think for me the biggest thing, I mean there were a couple of things, but the biggest thing was meeting other moms who were going through a similar experience who had kids with autism or some sort of special needs. I am forever grateful our district has a great group of moms that are part of our special ed PTA andI think for me the biggest thing, I mean there were a couple of things, but the biggest thing was meeting other moms who were going through a similar experience who had kids with autism or some sort of special needs. I am forever grateful our district has a great group of moms that are part of our special ed PTA and Literally, I feel like my life changed when my son turned five and we entered the school district and I became a part of this group and We I mean we are on a text chat that's always going and we just laugh together. We cry together We share the moments that other people don't understand Pauline (23:17) Thank Neha Bajaj (23:20) And it's just that sense of community, right? We talk about that all the time in running groups. It's so important and it's so valuable because it makes you feel seen. It makes you feel like you're not alone in all of the things that you're feeling, especially, I think there's an aspect of loss when you have a child with special needs that we don't really talk about that's not acknowledged because you do have this loss of the typical child, their life, your life as their parent, like everything is different than what you imagined and being able to relate with other people about that is just, it's been phenomenal and just so I'm so grateful. Yeah. And then tennis. Pauline (23:58) Yeah. We don't give enough credit to the loss people experience when it's a loss of an expectation, right? What you thought parenthood was going to look like, and now you're living a very different experience, a divergent experience. Neha Bajaj (24:08) Yes, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Yes. Yes, if you will. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Pauline (24:20) Did you say and tennis? Neha Bajaj (24:22) Yes, I played tennis when I was in high school and then didn't play for 20 years and I picked it back up like four years ago and I know I can't, I can't, I feel like I'm betraying my love for tennis. Something about the satisfaction of hitting that ball, I don't get the same satisfaction from pickleball but...Megan (24:24) with. Pauline (24:31) Not pickleball? Everybody's playing pickleball? Megan (24:34) Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Neha Bajaj (24:46) Yeah, it's been great. It's been a great physical outlet to get the stress out and just, you know, it's a way to do something for myself. Megan (24:55) I think that's so valuable way of picking an activity. Some people say like, ⁓ I don't know what to do or I don't have time or this or that. But remembering what you loved when you were young. Neha Bajaj (25:06) Yes. Megan (25:07) because you didn't have all of the responsibilities. It also comes with like all of the other sensations. Like so playing tennis might bring back that feeling of like being in high school and getting to have fun and hanging out with your friends. I remember when my kids were young, I signed up for an adult ballet class because I'm like, I used to love ballet. makes me feel I'm not very good at it. I'm not like, you know, I was like normally, you know, so so but it felt Neha Bajaj (25:18) Yeah. Yeah. you Megan (25:36) great, you know, to be able to be like, this is what my body feels like. I remember, I remember me a little bit. ⁓ Neha Bajaj (25:45) Yes, yes, so important, yeah. Pauline (25:48) Yeah, because even though you're parenting a child with special needs, you are still you. It might look a little bit different now, but remembering not to forget who you are, what you need.Yeah, because even though you're parenting a child with special needs, you are still you. It might look a little bit different now, but remembering not to forget who you are, what you need. Neha Bajaj (25:55) Yes. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I feel like, yes, exactly what your needs are, like acknowledging you are a person that is allowed to have wants and needs. Pauline (26:13) Say it louder Neha. You are a person. Megan (26:16) This is you would tell someone they're going through this and they're like, I don't know what I'm doing. Neha Bajaj (26:16) Yes, you are! Yeah, I mean, I would definitely say like, find your tribe, find your community. It's so important and helpful. And then I think like, it's like we said, it's okay, it's okay. And it's important to acknowledge that you are a person who has wants and needs. And it's okay to take up space in your own life. Pauline (26:47) Yeah, take up space. Neha Bajaj (26:47) There, I said it. Yes, yes. Megan (26:52) I mean I was talking about this earlier and with someone and being in relationship with people is going to be a little disruptive, right? It's not always ideal. It's not always like, you know, you sometimes people are put out by helping other people or asking for help. That's okay. You know, that that is part of it. And I always say like when we can ask for our needs to be met, we're also giving a signal to the other person that when they're having a hard time, Neha Bajaj (27:14) Yeah, that's true.Megan (27:27) they can ask me and I'm a safe person to them. So I think it's so beautiful that what you're saying it's like putting yourself on the list looking for your tribe learning to ask for help I think is some of the most not only like beautiful but necessary survival skills as a parent in general and then actually as a parent navigating a special needs world you know. Neha Bajaj (27:29) Mm-hmm. Absolutely, yeah, in general. Yeah, yeah. I also like, I love that. And I also think of it as like, you're giving the other person an opportunity to show up for you. And that's, yeah, like, yeah, yeah. Megan (28:00) And it feels good. You know, it's not like asking someone something every single day all the time for rest of your life. That's different, but that's not what's gonna happen. Yeah. Neha Bajaj (28:06) Right. Yeah. Right, exactly. Yes. Pauline (28:12) So nobody told you that parenting a special needs child would be so emotionally and physically demanding and that it was okay to take up space for yourself. Neha Bajaj (28:25) Yes. Absolutely. Pauline (28:27) And now you set it. Neha Bajaj (28:28) There I said it. Pauline (28:30) Neha, love that you wrote a book based on your experience. Can you tell us a little bit about the book's title and what it's about?Neha Bajaj (28:39) Sure, yeah, so it is called Noah's Intense Day. ⁓ It is about a boy named Noah whose brother has special needs and it kind of starts out, he says, I wish I could be more like my brother. He gets extra special attention from everyone and then he wakes up one morning and he basically lives the day ⁓ like his brother would and he has all these intense sensory experiences and then at the end he kind of realizes like, ⁓ this is what my brother experiences. experiences on a day-to-day basis. So it's a way to just kind of help kids relate to kids who have sensory challenges and really try to help them, you know, kind of internalize and think about what if I woke up and the sun was too bright or my clothes were itchier than normal? Like how would I react to that? ⁓ So yeah, it's... ⁓ Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Pauline (29:10) you So really being in somebody else's shoes for the day. Love that. That's awesome that you get to bring that to kids and families. Neha Bajaj (29:40) Yeah, yeah, it's great. it's, yeah, and I loved their questions and they're very thoughtful. Megan (29:48) If someone wants to pick up the book, there a place where they can get it? Neha Bajaj (29:52) Yeah, they can, it's available on Amazon. So just look up Noah's Intense Day, it'll come up. Pauline (29:58) That's great. Pauline (29:59) Well, I'm so glad that you're taking up all the space and all the space you need and you're doing a wonderful parent. So you're doing a great job. Neha Bajaj (30:05) Me too. ⁓ ThankThank you. Thank you both so much. Megan (30:12) my gosh, thank you for being here today. So good to talk to you. Neha Bajaj (30:15) Thank you guys. Pauline (30:15) Have a great day, Neha. We'll see you later. Neha Bajaj (30:18) Bye. Speaker 2 (30:19) Thanks for spending this time with us. If you found yourself nodding along or Speaker 3 (30:24) saying, same! That's kind of the point. Speaker 1 (30:28) We hope you leave today feeling a little less alone. This is what no mom told you. And yeah, there's more where that came from.