Pauline (00:01.963)

Hello and welcome back. I'm Pauline Walfisch and I'm here today with our co-ho I'm here today with my co-host and our very special guest. So let me first introduce my co-host, Megan Nelson.

Megan (00:16.046)

Hi everybody.

Pauline (00:17.651)

And Megan, why don't you introduce our guest today?

Megan (00:21.614)

So today we have Nicole Tropiano. She's a Long Island-based mom of two little kids, a former nurse and a content creator who brings humor and reality to her social media audience. She's a fierce advocate for moms and mental health. And she uses her platform to share real-life insights around mental health, sobriety, and reality parenting. Welcome, Nicole. We're so glad to have you here.

Nicole Tropiano (00:49.608)

I thank you so much. It's an honor.

Pauline (00:52.331)

Nicole, you don't even know this, but like I like we first met last year at the county event for maternal mental health. But before that, I had been saying, like, I wish somebody could like talk about this or get our message out. And our coworker, Stephanie, who you know, was like, you have to, you have to meet, you know that the one. And I was like, who are you talking about? And then I found your platform and your name was Honestly Nick.

Right. And I like was like, that's cool. Because I we are always as therapists, we're always saying, like, you're comparing like your life to somebody else's highlight reel. Like, this is not real life. Like what you're what you're seeing or what you're comparing is not like what actually like as therapists, we hear what actually happens. It's not what most people are posting on social media. And so your platform was like, honestly, Nick, and it was pretty real life stuff.

Right. So obviously that resonated with me. And then recently I noticed you're no longer honestly next. So what the hell?

Nicole Tropiano (02:00.742)

So it's so simple. It was honestly Nick goal So I made that years ago because I realized that authenticity was my brand. And I had just finished nursing school. I was on a health journey. So I had goals. So Nick Goal was a play on Nicole. I very recently found out that a lot of people didn't get that. and so like to have goal instead of goals, it was just strange. And I just figured that.

Pauline (02:22.903)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (02:29.114)

You know, now because I'm sharing my whole life, I am the brand. and I was so hesitant to share my last name on social media, but at the end of the day, people are gonna find out what they're gonna find out, and so I'm just Nicole Tropiano now.

Pauline (02:42.769)

All right. But you're still like honestly Nick, right? Like what we see is pretty accurate representation of real life.

Nicole Tropiano (02:47.536)

Definitely. I mean my

Nicole Tropiano (02:54.36)

Yeah, I mean there's only like two things that I definitely don't share on here and they're like deeply personal. and maybe one day I will share, but I assure you that everything else that goes on in my life is shared on the internet, whether that be good or bad. It's incredibly cathartic for me, like so selfishly I enjoy it. but no, you get the good, bad, and the ugly.

Pauline (03:17.321)

I mean, I love it 'cause that's real life, right? Like

Things are not wrapped up in a bow and I have if you could see the rest of my office, you would understand. Like I have never been somebody who's like everything is tucked away and nice and neat. My life has always been chaotic and I had a lot of shame about that for a long time and now now I just kinda own it. and it's it's been fun.

Nicole Tropiano (03:29.659)

Ha ha.

Nicole Tropiano (03:45.966)

Yeah, my computer is propped on a pile of socks. There's laundry here. There's a pair of shoes on the table. And I love that I'm able, like my whole niche is authenticity and transparency. So I don't have to prep my house to make a video. I don't have to put on makeup to get my face on the screen. You know, so I've kind of like, like I benefit from it, you know. It is. It is.

Pauline (04:10.271)

It's liberating.

Megan (04:13.377)

And so helpful, like you know, as therapists, like we can only self-disclose so much. And yet I've been in groups with moms who are a new mom group, and they're like, Everybody's thing looks perfect, and I'm like, okay, self-disclosure time, look at the other side of my camera, you know. And yet, like, we can't really do that the way that we want to. And so we can point to people like you that are like, look, this is the reality.

Pauline (04:32.886)

Okay.

Pauline (04:43.927)

Yeah.

Megan (04:44.329)

You know, there is a reason why people wanna show the polished version of themselves, but like how much can you keep up with that? So that's yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (04:53.487)

For sure. And it's it's exhausting. And I always say that social media is not real. It's fake. Excuse me, you touched upon the highlight reel of it all. And if there's like one thing, well, one of many that I can encourage people to do is to unfollow people and block them if they don't make you feel good, myself included. Like you're able to curate your social media algorithm. Do it so that it makes you feel happy and makes you feel

proud of yourself if somebody is on there and you're feeling shame or you're feeling like, I should get that or I need to be doing that, get rid of it. It's all bullshit, you know?

Megan (05:31.884)

Yeah.

Pauline (05:32.896)

That I love that. We we Megan and I have co facilitated an infertility group and I've done it for years, and there's so much good content about fertility struggles and and and what that is like because it's something that just happens so hidden. and I always tell people like, you can create a fake Instagram account, like

Have one for your infertility life and then have one where you block any fertility related content. Like it is only cats and puppies or whatever makes you happy. For me, it's gardening. and then like have a separate one where when you want to go and get that support, you can like see those videos. But like you don't have to be exposed to that all of the time. You just have to keep them separate because the algorithm knows what to feed you. Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (06:05.317)

Mm.

Nicole Tropiano (06:10.597)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (06:25.837)

Absolutely.

Megan (06:27.927)

So what do you think resonates with people with your presence online?

Nicole Tropiano (06:33.029)

So it's interesting because I went over the questions that you had sent. And I know it's like a loose, you know, blueprint because we could say we want to talk about this and then end up over here. And I I thought about that question. And I I think that it's not one specific topic. I think it's authenticity. And like you'll hear me repeat like authenticity, transparency, honesty, because it's it's really just how I live my life. And I think that regardless of what topic I'm talking about.

when you're being honest about it, people can tell. You know, like I don't do double takes. I don't do like, like, hey, my God. shit, hold on. I gotta run that back. No, like you get what you get. I'm stream of consciousness. People know that. That's why sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. Oftentimes I'll double down. but it's just it's what you get. And I think that that's what some people hate and some people love, you know?

Megan (07:26.509)

Do you think you were always like that?

Nicole Tropiano (07:28.869)

yes, I think that I've always been and I think that there's a negative connotation about what I was about to say, outspoken. I think it's just like outspoken is a way to like keep women down, like, she's an outspoken woman. Like, no, can I curse? Okay, no.

Megan (07:46.722)

Yeah.

Pauline (07:46.763)

Yes, yes you can. Like 'cause you're a bitch.

Nicole Tropiano (07:49.326)

Well, no, like fuck that. You know, like I'm not outspoken. I speak my mind. I'm confident in what I'm saying. Of course, there have been times in my life where insecurity has taken like the front seat instead of the back seat. but I have always been this way. I've just found a way, like since getting older and like having like tools in my toolbox of being in recovery and being in like deep amounts of therapy. I found a way to make it more helpful instead of like harmful.

Pauline (08:19.073)

I'm curious how that outspoken 'cause you you you still are a nurse, but you're not working right now as a nurse, right? But like you you did work in what I call corporate health care, right? Like

Nicole Tropiano (08:26.713)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (08:31.503)

So, no, I've never worked as a nurse. I worked as a CNA. I worked as an EMT. I passed my boards when I was seven months pregnant. and I wanted to, I was like, maybe somebody will hire me. I want, I've always wanted to be in the emergency room. I wanted to be covered in blood and guts. And then I had my daughter and it changed everything. And I realized that I wanted to be in maternal health care. but

Pauline (08:34.247)

Nicole Tropiano (09:01.751)

Really fast anecdote. I was supposed to look for work when my daughter was six months old. Postpartum anxiety slapped me in the face and it really was heavy revolving around breastfeeding. So we decided that I'll start looking for work at a year when she's no longer dependent on my breast milk. We started her in daycare, and for three weeks every day I got the call to pick her up because she cried and screamed until she threw up. So at week three, my husband and I looked at each other and we said,

Pauline (09:14.839)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (09:31.587)

I guess I'm a stay at home mom now. And that is the story of how I never worked as a nurse.

Megan (09:39.59)

Do you yeah. Do you still want to? Yeah.

Pauline (09:40.191)

Yes. Maybe one day.

Nicole Tropiano (09:42.657)

100%. of course I do. And I want to help moms. And we've always spoken about me going into midwifery or lactation. The thing with midwifery is to even qualify for midwifery school, I have to have a certain amount of hours as a nurse. so I don't know if I'll ever want to be in the emergency room covered in blood and guts. I like chaos, so that's why I always wanted that.

Maybe when my kids are in school and it's like I could work a 12-hour shift and nobody needs to be breastfed. but I 100% want to use this education that I fought tooth and nail to be a straight A nursing student. so I definitely will be a nurse.

Pauline (10:23.863)

straight A nurse. I've never been a straight A student, but for you.

Nicole Tropiano (10:27.928)

I know it was very important to me, but I had I had no kids. Well, towards the end, getting my bachelor's, I had my daughter. But no, I had no kids. We were not married, didn't have a care in the world, you know. so I was able to do that. It's also the overachiever in me. It it stems from insecurity, like at the core of it, it's like you won't love me unless I'm achieving the highest level. but I know that now, but I still love being a straight A student. Yeah, yeah.

Megan (10:55.233)

Still yeah. I mean trust me, I mean I had to get a four point in grad school and it wasn't because I had to get a four point in grad school. It's like I knew I didn't need to and yet I was gonna do it.

Nicole Tropiano (11:00.462)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (11:10.06)

Yeah, yeah. We always said C's get degrees and I'm like, nah, nah, nah nah I want an A plus.

Pauline (11:15.041)

Yeah, I have I have I have gotten A's and and I always say like I'm really not that smart. Like people think I'm very smart. Like I'm really not that smart. Like

Megan (11:23.425)

That's not true. If you went back to grad school today, you would get all of these.

Nicole Tropiano (11:24.566)

stop it.

Pauline (11:27.485)

I don't I don't know because I don't care. Like because Cs get degrees, right? Like I I I don't care. I'm sorry. I like I learn it. I do it well, but like I really don't care how I do on a test or like I just need to pass.

Nicole Tropiano (11:32.089)

Yeah.

Yeah, it's what's important to you, you know.

Nicole Tropiano (11:44.696)

And I love that. I think that speaks to your like self assurance. I think that's wonderful. Well, maybe not. You're

Pauline (11:49.504)

I don't I don't know. Might it might it might it might be some defense mechanism that I'm just rationalizing the fact that I'm not that smart, but it's okay because people who know me and work with me think I'm smart and I'm I'm I'm okay.

Megan (12:00.941)

She's smart.

Nicole Tropiano (12:03.598)

Yeah.

Megan (12:05.171)

R room of smart women, quick.

Pauline (12:06.005)

But I will never be a four point It's just not gonna happen.

Nicole Tropiano (12:08.65)

No, and that's okay. You already have your degree, so you don't need to be.

Pauline (12:13.035)

Yeah. And nobody cares. Nobody knows what my GPA is and nobody has ever asked what my GPA is.

Megan (12:15.649)

Nobody Cares

Nicole Tropiano (12:19.832)

When you apply for a job, they don't ask what your GPA is.

Megan (12:22.313)

No. And even like if I'm on LinkedIn and I'm like somebody's like four point da da da da I'm like, all right. But like

Nicole Tropiano (12:29.976)

Yeah, like good for you guy.

Megan (12:33.011)

Still like I would still have to talk myself out of putting that on there. Like, that's the funny like duality of it, right?

Nicole Tropiano (12:36.77)

Yeah yeah.

Pauline (12:38.283)

Yeah. Yeah, well that that's that's life, right? Like we can all like feel a little bit of both ways. Like I'm actually think that's pretty cool that you had a four point out. And I like don't ever need that for myself. But I'm I think it's cool that you've got it. You aren't it.

Nicole Tropiano (12:53.572)

Well thank you, I do too.

Megan (12:56.109)

So your platform you talk about maternal mental health, obviously because you went through well not obviously, but like you just said, you went through postpartum anxiety and that was a new experience for you. Like something that happened after you gave birth to your daughter. Is that true?

Nicole Tropiano (13:14.958)

So I've always spoken about mental health. I have multiple mental illnesses. I always have. it just r not resonated. It became more important to me after having my daughter and experiencing like a PMAD a perenatal mood and anxiety disorder because.

Mental health in general, mental illness is not spoken about, but women birthing people after having a child are so vulnerable, to me, so much more vulnerable than like the regular person of before becoming a mother or whatever. So it's just become like more, I've become more passionate about speaking about it. But I've always spoken about mental health.

Pauline (13:58.104)

Yeah.

Yeah. So you had depression and anxiety before you got pregnant.

Nicole Tropiano (14:05.7)

Correct and bipolar two

Pauline (14:07.423)

Okay. And did you have symptoms during your pregnancy or just for you it was postpartum?

Nicole Tropiano (14:14.018)

I did. So I had anxiety during my pregnancy. when I right before I got pregnant, I was with a psychiatrist, a s a psych NP, who told me that when I got pregnant I had to come off all my medication. She was not educated. she could have killed

Pauline (14:32.43)

that breaks my heart. But and and and it's not the first time. We hear it all the time. And every time I'm like,

Nicole Tropiano (14:38.72)

Knowing what I know now, at the end of the day, she could have killed me. it is what it is. My insurance it was a perfect storm. My insurance switched right before I got pregnant. So I was no longer seeing that psych NP. My PCP was comfortable prescribing my medication. So I was doing that for a little bit. And then I got pregnant and I wasn't under the care of anybody. And so I found another PCP and I said, listen, I was with a psych NP. She said I have to come off all my meds. I'm pregnant. Can you help me wean off my meds?

And she did. she also wasn't well versed in maternal mental health. and I came off on my medication and I wanted to kill myself. and not like, my God, I'm gonna kill myself. Like, no, I wanted to end my life because I have clinically diagnosed imbalances of chemicals in my brain, and I need chemicals like psychiatric medication to balance them out, and I was not ingesting them.

And I wanted to end my life. And I was driving to nursing school one day. It chokes me up because I can't imagine how many people go through this. And I was driving on a bridge, and I said, What happens if I just drive off this bridge? And I always describe it as dark thoughts. And I knew that when I get those dark thoughts, I'm in a really bad place. And so I went home and I told my husband, and by the grace of God, he knew that we needed to jump into action. And I found a a crisis center.

And a psych NP who was well versed in maternal mental health and she could take me, but not for another month. So I went to the crisis center. She said I recommend these pregnancy drugs. And I started on them again and I was on the up and up. Thank God.

Pauline (16:25.601)

Yeah, and even even now, like it look how much it still brings up for you.

Nicole Tropiano (16:31.681)

Yeah, because there are people who don't know how to get help and they they take their own lives and like it doesn't have to be like that. There are answers and there are resources and the only reason I knew to do what I did was because I've been in recovery for so long and been on mental health medications for so long, but like that's not everybody's story, you know?

Megan (16:37.015)

Yeah.

Megan (16:52.961)

We talk about this like you had so much information already. Like you were a nurse, you had health insurance, you had, you know, all support and yet it still was falling through the cracks. And that's why I know for myself, for Pauline, for the other women that do this that

Pauline (17:03.233)

Support.

Megan (17:14.337)

We think we talk about it and we don't talk about it enough. And there's never gonna be enough and we're gonna just keep on because you're right. It's like you had all of these resources and yet it's can still happen.

Nicole Tropiano (17:28.995)

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Pauline (17:30.784)

And we know that people who have had depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD before pregnancy are at really high risk for having a perinatal mood anxiety disorder in pregnancy and postpartum. And you mentioned bipolar two, right?

Nicole Tropiano (17:47.715)

Mm-hmm.

Pauline (17:51.434)

And bipul having a bipolar disorder not only puts you at high risk for having a PMAD, like it puts you at high risk for having psychosis, which is an emergency, right? Like depression, suicidality are an emergency also, but psychosis is always like

Nicole Tropiano (18:04.31)

Yeah.

Pauline (18:11.507)

So did you did that happen to you also? Where like maybe you were hearing voices or seeing things or feeling like people were trying to hurt you?

Nicole Tropiano (18:22.111)

No, thank God. And I could just cry this whole time. thank I know. Like yeah. so no, so thank God I didn't have any psychosis, but because I was with a really intelligent practitioner.

Megan (18:25.227)

Yeah. We cry too.

Pauline (18:26.037)

You can also tap like this and it like will take the edge off a little bit.

Nicole Tropiano (18:44.375)

You know, she warned me of all this and we spoke about how I needed a certain amount of sleep in order to prevent psychosis. and that was really scary to me because psychosis is the one that's not spoken about, but it's the one that you hear about in the newspapers.

Megan (19:01.325)

Hundred percent. It's the one that, you know, why didn't they get help? And people call it postpartum depression, and it's not. Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (19:09.087)

No, and and people are in these states of you know, delusion and ha hallucinations and some of them are on medications. you know, there was recently one in the past three or four years since having my daughter, I remember, you know, like psychosis is the reason that people kill their children and themselves because they don't know any better. And some people can look at it with judgment and say, How could you do that? And like as somebody with mental illness, like, I understand how that happens and like.

Let's just fucking throw this out here, right? Like people hear about shake and baby syndrome. And how could you ever do that? And I understand why babies are shaken. It takes one moment of irrational thinking because you're exhausted because your baby won't stop crying. Perhaps they're colic, you have no support, you're you know underprivileged, you have no resources, and it takes one like stop crying, and that's shake and baby syndrome.

That's why they teach you before you leave the hospital, put the baby down on the floor, put the baby down on the crib and walk away. But in the moment, it's not that easy. So when we have empathy or you have the ability to look within yourself and say that could be me without judgment, like things make sense, you know?

Pauline (20:22.679)

I remember when my oldest was a baby, and s I still can see myself sitting on the couch and being like, this is how shake and baby syndrome happens because this baby will not stop crying. And like I could totally see wanting to shake him right now, like just stop crying. And I I was still and you know, I also had support. My husband was there. There were lots of people caring for me, and like

Nicole Tropiano (20:33.539)

Про шор.

Nicole Tropiano (20:43.619)

Yeah.

Pauline (20:52.543)

I didn't have postpartum depression or anxiety. I was just a normal, normal mom with a baby that didn't stop crying. Like it was it and I I still remember like, this, this moment, this is how this happens. I wanna add something about postpartum psychosis because I I don't want it to go unsaid, right? Like not everybody who has psychosis in pregnancy winds up in the news, right? Like, yes, it is big and scary. And yes, like you are a

Nicole Tropiano (20:58.487)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (21:07.841)

Yeah.

Pauline (21:22.539)

big risk for like hurting yourself, hurting your baby, doing something tragic. But it's also treatable. Like if people get help and if people know about it and it we don't stigmatize it and we talk about it like a thing that we just have to treat because the chemicals in your brain aren't working correctly. And like it doesn't have to be that we that these women wind up in the newspaper, right?

Nicole Tropiano (21:30.115)

Sure.

Nicole Tropiano (21:41.933)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (21:48.011)

No, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't necessarily happen like that. You don't just snap into, you know, perhaps you hear something, perhaps you become a little paranoid, perhaps you're not able to sleep or you're sleeping a little more. Like there are warning signs which aren't spoken about. Like they teach you to put your baby on the floor when you leave the hospital. They don't teach you about symptoms of PMADS.

Pauline (22:10.273)

Yeah. Yeah.

Megan (22:12.055)

So what's take a second, Pauline, if I can put you on the spot and can you talk about the warning signs or the of psychosis?

Pauline (22:19.243)

For psychosis. And you know, it everybody's different. What you know, and this applies to whether we're talking about depression or OCD, like everybody's symptoms are different. So for some people who have psychosis, like it is a pretty like you were fine, and like all of a sudden you're not making any sense, right? And for some people, like it's this slow thing that everybody in your family is like, What's going on? Like she does.

Like that doesn't seem right. Like that's not like her. Maybe she's not making decisions quickly. Maybe she's a little slower. Maybe she's not talking. Maybe she's not moving. Like there's a psychotic symptom that's called catatonia, where like basically your like can look frozen. So like not getting up, not standing, not walking, not talking, just like like mannequin almost, right? That that's a different symptom.

Some people will hear voices, like nobody's around, and yet I hear a voice saying like you're a bad mom. And it's not my own thought. It's like a voice, like you're hearing it like as if somebody else was there. Right. Sometimes people have like religious ideas that might be rooted in your own cultural background, but they're like all of a sudden like a little bit more extreme. Like I've been sent by God to

Nicole Tropiano (23:27.863)

Yeah.

Pauline (23:44.662)

save the world by doing something that might be dangerous, right? So like everybody's symptoms are a little bit different. So I would say like if there's anything that you all are like, mm, this doesn't like something's up. This is not my friend, my sister, my daughter, my wife, like talk to somebody because those like

The things that make your brow furrow are like your warning signs, right? Like the we should we should not just ignore this.

Nicole Tropiano (24:14.338)

Mm.

Megan (24:19.085)

Yeah. And talk to somebody, like that also means like, okay, who do you talk to? I believe there is still the national hotline, one eight hundred Mama for Maternal Mental Health Hotline. Might have to fact check that. So if I take it out, then might not be there anymore. But there are some there are resources. Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (24:31.484)

wow.

Pauline (24:41.067)

Yeah. Yeah. In in New York we have the Postpartum Resource Center. nationally is Postpartum Support International. There are warm lines and hotlines. So, like there are warm lines when somebody will get back to you within a a a few hours or a day at most. But like if you're suicidal or you're hearing voices telling you to do something dangerous, like please don't wait for somebody to call you back tomorrow. Like there are crisis lines and hotlines and

911, 988, go to an emergency room. Like if if those things are happening, if it's more than like the furrow brow, right? Like if it's like, they're saying things that are totally not true, like go right to an emergency room. Like don't wait.

Nicole Tropiano (25:26.55)

Yeah. And there's one, and again, correct me if I'm wrong, but for people who are local on Long Island, there's Dash, which is a crisis center in Hopog, and a new one just opened up in Nassau in Bethpage. I don't have the name of it, but it's similar to Dash. You can walk in if you're in crises.

Pauline (25:45.909)

Yeah, it's Central Nassau Guidance, I believe. we'll check that. and in Queens, Zucker Hillside also has a a walk in crisis clinic. So

Nicole Tropiano (25:48.812)

Okay.

Nicole Tropiano (25:57.57)

And they have a whole wing that's just for maternal mental health.

Pauline (26:02.367)

Right. They have a a women's unit. yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (26:04.756)

A unit, yeah.

Megan (26:06.229)

Which is what I was gonna say when we were talking about postpartum psychosis and you know

Where it's looked at as women who do this as are monsters and you're saying, No no no, I can see how, you know, in other parts of the world there are hospitals specifically mom and baby units for postpartum psychosis. Whereas here it gets sensationalized in the news as like they're monsters who did this. How could they hor do this horrible thing to their baby? And

Pauline (26:35.275)

Right. And w because we don't have the supports in place. In Canada, you can be hospitalized for no reason other than you need sleep. We can't do that in the US. In the US, you don't get to be in the hospital. Get to be unless you're a danger to yourself or somebody else. So like, yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (26:44.482)

Wow.

Nicole Tropiano (26:52.714)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (26:58.402)

Yeah, and you have to come from a place of privilege. Like you could get a postpartum doula, but they're so expensive. Like I come from a place of privilege, you know, an upper middle class socioeconomic family. And I still couldn't afford a postpartum doula. So it was like me and my husband doing the damn thing on our own, you know?

Pauline (27:19.575)

And we're making some progress, like Medicaid now will provide some dualist services. Not the same. Yeah, it's not the same as the you know what what a privileged person could bring into their home. But we're we're making we're making progress. We have a long way to go. but I I have to say, like.

Nicole Tropiano (27:26.244)

wow.

Megan (27:26.411)

They should be paying them more. They should pay more, but okay.

Nicole Tropiano (27:40.034)

Mm.

Pauline (27:45.42)

You know, Megan and I were just at a conference and there was an entire presentation on social media. Like, you know, they had clips from different people's reels. And like you are an influencer, right? Because for whether we like it or not, and we happen to like it mostly, like this is where people are getting their information from. Right? This is this is how people know that

Nicole Tropiano (27:50.775)

Mm-hmm.

Pauline (28:15.895)

postpartum psychosis doesn't mean that you're a monster. Like, it's it's a disease like diabetes or hypertension, because there are influencers like you who are keeping it real, sharing the good, the bad and the ugly, not just the highlight reels, because that's that's what life is. Like

Nicole Tropiano (28:32.319)

Yeah.

Megan (28:37.773)

What do you do when people do people reach out to you for support through your platform?

Nicole Tropiano (28:42.141)

Yeah, they do. I also run one of the biggest moms groups on Long Island. I co-founded it with my with the founder Lauren Zambelli Davis. It's called Mamas and Minnie's Long Island.

So a lot of people will post there looking for support. I just approved two posts this morning about somebody who thinks they have PPD or PPA, you know, and it's really beautiful because the community will come together and suggest like therapists that they've used, or we have a lot of trusted therapists on the group that like we allow to post and like comment back. but people do

Message me on my personal Instagram. And all I can do is just bring resources to them. As part of my capstone project for my bachelor's in nursing, I worked with a local midwife. and my capstone project was PMADs and educating the patients. And so I put together a resource list. and there was a resource list for this hospital network, but it hadn't been checked in a long time.

Megan (29:46.967)

Dated. Yep.

Nicole Tropiano (29:48.5)

So I went and I reached out to these therapists and these psychiatrists or these psych NPs or NPs, PAs. and I said, Do you have availability? Are you willing to call people back within 24 to 48 hours? And do you want to be a part of this resource list? And I put together that resource list like on Canva, you know, and I had to submit it as part of my project, gun A on that. and but which

Pauline (30:13.771)

gotten an A on that. I I if Canva had existed when I was a student, I would have gotten an A.

Nicole Tropiano (30:20.693)

Isn't it so funny? but at the end of the day, like I'm joking, but who gives a shit about the grade? It's about bringing the resources. So I'll literally send a screenshot to people or I'll educate them about Dash or that new crisis center. there's this my the psych NP that ooh, I get emotional. I'm just gonna shout her out. I don't know if it's allowed or not. But Michelle Salls. my God.

Pauline (30:44.119)

We love Michelle.

Nicole Tropiano (30:48.683)

She literally saved my life twice since being a patient of hers. she went private. my case was far too complex for her to continue on with. She gave it to me straight. Like, I need to be with a large network so that if I do happen to experience psychosis or my OCD gets worse, they have like a network in place they can get me into somewhere. but I still, till the day I die, will recommend her.

I think she is phenomenal. I think that if she's not able to take the patient, she can refer them somewhere. so I always recommend her. I recommend Helping Hands or Stephanie, like we were talking about. all I can do is bring resources to people and just pray that they take advantage of it, you know.

Pauline (31:39.147)

Yeah.

Megan (31:39.349)

just had a postpartum doula on a few weeks ago and like she said it's like resources are her love language. And yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (31:46.809)

I love that. What a beautiful way to put it.

Pauline (31:51.938)

We are very we are very lucky on Long Island because there are a lot of perinatal providers. And even with that, it's sometimes hard to find somebody. Right. But like Michelle I think Michelle trained with us with I say us. Like I was at Zucker then. I think she was Rebecca's intern, if I re Rebecca Feldman, who's at Brooklyn Parent Support. but

Megan (31:52.021)

It's true. It's like

Nicole Tropiano (32:03.777)

Sure.

Pauline (32:19.229)

You mentioned like moms posting in like chat rooms of like I think I have postpartum anxiety and and everybody this happens in not just therapy, right? Like we all recommend our doctor, our and even in infertility, I always say like the best doctor is the one who gets you pregnant. It's the one who saved your life, right? So like Michelle might be your best and somebody else's life was saved by somebody else, right? And here in Long Island, we have so many good quality.

Nicole Tropiano (32:36.597)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (32:43.979)

Sure.

Pauline (32:48.299)

therapists and mental health perenatal mental health providers and we all refer to each other when we're like don't have openings or don't have or we're not the best fit, right? Because also like I'm not everybody's cup of tea, right? And so some people are gonna have a better relationship with someone else. And so we all kind of know each other and talk to each other and I love that. and we have a lot of people and still it's hard to sometimes find health.

Nicole Tropiano (32:59.435)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (33:04.129)

Sure.

Nicole Tropiano (33:17.205)

Yeah. Yeah.

Pauline (33:19.647)

Right. And and you know, you mentioned Michelle going private, like many of us have, again, 'cause 'cause our healthcare systems are just not set up to take care of people. behavioral health is valued and providers are paid. And you know, I I spent a long time in in community health or corporate health care and

Nicole Tropiano (33:25.003)

Horse.

Nicole Tropiano (33:30.357)

For sure, а най.

Pauline (33:44.438)

You know, the people with the least experience have the biggest caseloads and the hardest you know, the most challenging cases. And are the least.

Nicole Tropiano (33:55.413)

Yeah, yeah, and no fault to Michelle. I love her and she knows I love her and I send people to her all the time and I'm like, let let her know that Nicole Tropiano sent you like this isn't a collaboration, there's no referral fee. Like I just want her to know that I still Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want her to know that I speak her name in rooms, you know, because she was so helpful to me.

Megan (34:06.893)

They don't get the ten percent discount.

Megan (34:17.963)

This is so moving to me because I mean I've talked about it a little bit on our podcast, but I had postpartum experience. A traumatic birth experience, postpartum experience.

Fourteen years ago and then when I decided maybe ten years ago that I wanted to do this work and specialize in perinatal mental health, I really thought I was gonna have to figure out how to do it on my own. And I remember

thinking because I had to find it on my own 14 years ago, you know. I would call, I'd be like, Do you have anyone I can talk to? And they'd be like, No, I have someone who can write you a prescription, but you know, for PTSD I don't know who you would talk to, you know. So now, 14 years later, like the fact that I get to sit in this room, the fact that I get to do this for for my job is like the greatest thing besides having my children and meeting my husband, the greatest thing that I've ever gotten to do. And just to be in this room and to hear

you know, as you described, a complex case and you have full support. And not only that you're offering full support is just this really beautiful, still complex, still not perfect web that I get to witness happening in real time. And I think that is just so cool.

Nicole Tropiano (35:42.345)

It's awesome.

Pauline (35:43.394)

Yeah. You don't I I hope you realize how special it is for people that you do share the way that you do. And also I said it to you before we started recording, like there are things you don't have to share. Like that's okay if you feel like I'm gonna keep this right. Like in in even some I had this conversation with one of our therapists yesterday who was like, I should share this, right? Because it's a we're a perinatal practice and I'm like, You don't have to. We don't

have to use ourselves in every moment. Like, you can, you don't have to. You might not want to now. Maybe later you will, right? Like I talk about my infertility experience all of the time, but it's

almost 17 years ago, right? Like when I was living through it, like I was just managing it myself. I was not an advocate the way that I am today. And you get to you get to do that and and change. But the fact that you are talking about things that people don't talk about, showing videos of things that nobody talks about, being honest, like that is just so valuable for people.

Nicole Tropiano (36:59.306)

Well, thank you. And I just want to say something. So I hear you. And like I said, there's two things that I keep to myself, and people are so nosy and curious. I'm such a nosy person. I know they're gonna want to know what it is. maybe in maybe in time, guys. Yeah. So I I hear you that I don't have to, but I will argue that I do. I think that as content creators, as influencers, as people,

Pauline (37:10.335)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's totally a foot fetus, I'm I'm thinking, right? Like

Nicole Tropiano (37:26.5)

with an audience and a community and a voice, I do think we have a responsibility to speak up, to speak out. And I will say that, and so like I believe that you can change your mind. I have really leaned into that lately. And I say that to say, like in the past few years, like you get new information or you feel new things, you experience new things, and you can change your mind.

So I understand, like specifically about like you know, political or social justice, civil rights, you know, issues. there are lots of creators who, because they don't want to lose followers, they don't want to lose brand deals, they don't speak up, they don't speak out. And I think that is disgusting. I do understand why people keep things close to their vest as long as they're truly not.

Pauline (38:08.746)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (38:19.176)

Doing it to keep followers, but maybe they're doing work behind the scenes, which is what really matters. I'm all over the place, but like I do think that I owe it to people to be honest about this. I I do. You know, my husband will say, like, you don't have to share that. And I'm like, babe, but I do, you know, like I, I, I, I think.

I think you can save lives by being honest about things. And like I was taught from recovery, like, you know, I go to meetings and like with the philosophy is like go out and help somebody. Like, if you can help one person, if you could reach one person each day, you've done your job. so if I can do that, and there there are some days like when I got pregnant with my son last year, I was so sick. I I

was so like fatigued in the first trimester, it kind of masked as like a depressive episode. And I couldn't really share that I was pregnant. I just didn't want to. We weren't there yet. and I believe in sharing that you're pregnant early because God forbid you experience a loss. God forbid you experience something. You want those same people you shared the joy with to support you in your loss. But I wasn't ready to share with the internet and I kept that close and I I don't regret that. but you never

You just never know who you're gonna help and who needs it. So I hear what you're saying and I respect it, but I would argue what I just argued.

Pauline (39:44.182)

I mean, I love when people argue with me, like honestly. I bring it. And I and I would just I would I would just counter, like you don't have to do it at your own risk, right? If it's gonna be harmful to you, if it's going to be like too too vulnerable, like it doesn't have to be right now. And and if you feel like I need to I need to make sure that people know about foot fetishes.

Megan (39:46.525)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (39:46.8)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not arguing with you, but just like another

Nicole Tropiano (39:56.436)

I appreciate that.

Megan (39:56.445)

More.

Nicole Tropiano (40:03.712)

True.

Nicole Tropiano (40:07.37)

I agree with that.

Pauline (40:12.821)

Like, find some other way to talk about foot fetishes. You don't have to show your f your photo album.

Nicole Tropiano (40:19.946)

I agree with that. I don't have a foot fetish, but if I did, I'd probably share about it. But I no, I agree with you completely. It's if I'm going to compromise myself, then I owe it to myself not to share that. I do agree.

Megan (40:23.819)

Not

Pauline (40:32.651)

Yeah. But yes, I I a hundred percent agree with you that like people who have a voice and can use it should when they can, and if they have something that they need to say that they're keeping to themselves for non good reasons, then they should probably just say they made a mistake and they changed their mind. But

Nicole Tropiano (41:01.278)

Yeah, I also don't want to work with a brand that doesn't respect what I'm saying or agree with me. Like we don't all have to agree with each other, but there are certain things that are morally, ethically, humanly right, and I will die on that fucking hill. I don't want to work with a brand that doesn't agree. I don't wanna go work for a hospital system, whether it be Stony Brook or Northwell or NYU.

I don't wanna work for them if I'm not able to speak about things that are standing up for humans. You know what I'm saying? So, so if that's gonna, you know, people say, Aren't you worried about getting a job one day? Nope. I'm not. I'm truly not. If they're not gonna accept me or agree with what I'm saying, then that's not where I should be working.

Megan (41:46.636)

That's integrity, right? Which goes back to like the beginning where it's like, that's your brand is integrity. But that's and that's not even fair to say a brand. Or maybe it is, but that's who you are, you know.

Nicole Tropiano (41:59.036)

Well, yeah, yeah. And and I do, I do, and I don't I don't think it's a bad thing, but like when I was speaking to my other content creators and like influencer friends, because like I started like a networking group because I realized like lawyers go to the office and can talk to other lawyers, therapists go to the office, talk to other therapists. Influencers we don't have other people to talk to, and there's like an unspoken competition in the industry.

And like that's not my story. That's not what I like, what I appreciate. So I started a group. And so when I was talking to them, like consulting with them about changing my name, they said like your brand is Nicole. So like you don't need to be honestly Nick anymore. You are honest and people know that. So just be Nicole Tropiano, you know?

Pauline (42:29.793)

Love that.

Pauline (42:45.761)

Yeah. I love that you started a group for like other influencers or content creators. Like community is so important. Like this is why we're all struggling. Everybody's like competitive and not talking to each other and

One more thing to love about Nicole. Like just bringing people together.

Nicole Tropiano (43:09.769)

Thank you. I do love that. I think that I have a gift for that and I fucking love it. And I if there's one thing I love, it's a new Facebook group. I just created one for the school district that I'm in, like uniting the moms in the area. it's just it's easy for me.

Pauline (43:24.712)

Yes, we just need younger moms to get on Facebook 'cause the Facebook group features really so much better than WhatsApp.

Megan (43:33.666)

I don't know. I don't know. I'm only on Facebook for Facebook Marketplace and a couple of groups. Like Well. I mean, but to Pauline's thing, it's like I have my own like I have my own purpose on Facebook, right? Yeah, yeah. What? Okay

Nicole Tropiano (43:34.282)

I don't yeah, I don't like WhatsApp.

Pauline (43:39.286)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (43:39.936)

my god, that's so funny.

Pauline (43:48.651)

Yeah. Yeah.

Megan (43:51.916)

We've talked about resources that are out there. What resources would you like there to be out there? Would you like to be out there that you don't see right now? Or have you already created when you see it, you create it kind of a thing.

Nicole Tropiano (44:00.711)

For

Yeah, like I don't know if this is what you mean, but affordable care. Like, you know, so I don't currently have a therapist, full disclosure.

Pauline (44:13.449)

Unacceptable, Nicole. Unacceptable. We're gonna have to do something about this because that's just bullshit.

Nicole Tropiano (44:15.114)

I know. I know. I know. I you know what it is? So like I'm over talk therapy. You know, like I'm just over, I go to my meetings, I talk, I have a sponsor, I talk, I have like people like sponsees and stuff that I talk to. Every time I go to therapy, it ends up being talk therapy, and it's great, but right now in my life, I don't have an hour to spare that's just gonna be talk therapy. Like I've been told I need CBT or

Megan (44:16.733)

Melody.

Nicole Tropiano (44:43.827)

You know, other coping mezz mechanisms for the OCD or the anxiety. And I just haven't found a practitioner that has helped me or that we vibed that way. The last therapist I I was with like ended up dropping like a political thing. And I'm like, absolutely the fuck not. and it kind of put a bad taste in my mouth. And I know it's not everybody. I know that I could find a a therapist.

Pauline (45:09.089)

Was it any political thing or was like an opposite political thing? Okay.

Nicole Tropiano (45:12.849)

Opposite, opposite. and also like I know, and I don't like self-disclosure. Like, I just like I kind of want to talk, and but that's not what I need. I need CBT. And it just feels like a waste of time right now. And I know it's not, but I wanna. So the people who could help me with my OCD charge $500 an hour, and that's fucking ridiculous. And like, I don't know if she's out there. I've so she probably doesn't know who I am, but like, you know who you are, like that's insane. Like

You don't need to make $500,000 a year to help people because you're not. So like I understand you have the degrees. I understand you have to pay for your schooling, but so do I. You know, like you could be helping so many more people if you're not fucking charging $450 an hour. It's insane. Or even $200, like well, sorry. No, no, I, you know, like no shade, you know.

Pauline (46:01.108)

charge a lot and I don't charge that much. That's that's to me that that I mean

Nicole Tropiano (46:08.532)

And I know it's hard to to do the the whatever it's called, the the qualifications, the what is it? When you have to like get a referral? No, like from insurance, you need a referral, pr prior authorizations, like all that shit. Like I know it's hard. So I know why people go into private practice, but I

Pauline (46:17.527)

Right. Education.

Megan (46:23.041)

Well. Hi. Yeah. Yeah.

Pauline (46:24.211)

that's

Megan (46:30.773)

Into private in private pay, yeah.

Pauline (46:32.917)

Yeah. Like like so many things, there is a spectrum. There are lots of us that are in private practice who figure out how to do both. I'm really proud that I can say I charge a lot. And also we have some free services. So like but but yes, I will talk to you after this and I will help you find somebody and it won't be one of us because

Nicole Tropiano (46:33.093)

Yeah, I just I don't understand it.

Of course.

Nicole Tropiano (46:49.129)

Sure. Or like a sliding scale.

Megan (47:00.695)

That's a dual relationship now. I was just saying, Paulie's gonna talk to her about EMDR.

Pauline (47:00.925)

'Cause that's just bullshit, Nicole. You need to be in therapy. And also, have you ever done EMDR?

Nicole Tropiano (47:08.547)

No. But I am I am intrigued by it. That is another thing. C B T N E D R. Yeah, I'm down to try anything if they'll take my insurance. I'm I can't pay out of pocket. Okay.

Pauline (47:09.687)

Okay,

Okay, we'll talk.

Megan (47:13.579)

Not very much talking, not very much talking, yeah.

Pauline (47:21.227)

Yeah, yeah. We'll talk.

Megan (47:23.213)

Okay, so we do have to wrap things up. I wish we didn't, but we do. But okay. What is

Pauline (47:30.763)

This is this is my problem. Like I wanna be your therapist and I can't be your therapist 'cause I wanna be your friend. So I won't be your therapist. But I can help you find somebody who's a good fan.

Nicole Tropiano (47:36.735)

I know it's hard.

Megan (47:40.811)

Okay, so our podcast is what no mom told you, so what you had to learn the hard way. I don't know how we boil this down, but we're gonna try. what is the thing that no mom told you that you had to learn the hard way?

Nicole Tropiano (47:58.057)

It makes me emotional.

I don't, I don't, I don't want to, I can't think of like okay, so I do have one thing. So what I wanted to say was like it gets better. Like that's what I wish that we could tell people over and over. Is like, even if you don't believe that it gets better, know that it got better for me, and I know it will get better for you. But one thing that no mom told me, another hill that I'll die on.

You see all these things on social media. These women give birth to these babies and they have their fucking makeup done in their hair. And they'll they'll write, My little bestie, born Tuesday, May 27th, 8 AM. You know, like, your little bestie, you just met this human. How is it your best friend already? I didn't fall in love with my daughter until she was six weeks old. And nobody told me that that was normal.

She smiled for the first time and I said, fuck, I love you. I knew that I had loved her, but I wasn't in love with her. And nobody told me that that happened. So I I thought something was wrong with me. And that's just not the truth. Nobody talks about it.

Megan (49:05.913)

You might not feel it.

Megan (49:13.143)

Yeah. One of the best things I ever heard, my son was in the NICU. I didn't know what that meant. What does it mean when you don't get to hold them for three days? What and a midwife, a friend's mom who's a midwife, told me, relationships with your baby is just like any other relationship. It has the power to grow. And I was like, thank God. She's like, The first three days don't define.

Nicole Tropiano (49:23.923)

Mm.

Nicole Tropiano (49:33.672)

Mm.

Yeah.

Megan (49:40.107)

Or your first three weeks or your first six months, don't define your relationship.

Nicole Tropiano (49:44.944)

Wow. Yeah, it's spot on. It's absolutely spot on. And I it just speaks back to like social media being a highlight reel, you know, like you're ma you're in matching bows with your daughter and she's three hours old. And I'm like, it's fucking bullshit. Like if if that's your truth, that's fine. I believe you and I think that's beautiful. But if it's not really what you feel, I also felt immediately connected with my son, with my second child. but I wish that somebody had told me that.

If you don't feel that connection, it's normal.

Pauline (50:17.675)

Yeah. 'Cause for six weeks you thought something was wrong with you.

Megan (50:17.697)

Yeah, there's not a one size signal.

Nicole Tropiano (50:21.916)

Yeah, and I didn't realize because you're not sleeping and I'm breastfeeding and I'm, you know, even if you're bottle feeding, however you're feeding your baby, like you're you're barely coming up for air. Your house is a mess, you're ordering food, you're hemorrhaging money. and then six weeks happen and I'm like, fuck, I haven't been feeling that, but now I am. And then after you fall in love with them, you're beating yourself up for not being in love for the first six weeks. So

I try to share that as often as possible. I definitely don't share it enough.

Pauline (50:53.035)

Yeah. Yeah. Babies are not I I say it all the time in therapy, like they're they're really not that much fun in the beginning. Like they don't sleep, they knead a lot, they cry, they smell like I mean, okay. I'm thinking about, you know, oxytocin and the excit the good smells of the baby. But they're they're peeing on you. Like it is not and you have to keep them alive, like

Nicole Tropiano (51:03.646)

They're so needy.

Megan (51:04.875)

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (51:15.602)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (51:22.568)

And life changes. You're no longer going out for date nights with your partner or like say it's a single mom, a single birthing person, like you can't just go do what you want when you want now. You are keeping this human alive. Is it a sleep schedule? Is it not a sleep schedule? I mean, like newborns aren't on one, but it's like all of a sudden, it's not just you anymore.

Megan (51:41.708)

Yeah.

Pauline (51:41.803)

Yeah. Showering becomes the chore. A challenge. Yeah.

Nicole Tropiano (51:44.55)

Yeah. Yeah.

Pauline (51:48.417)

Yeah. Well, thank you for saying it. Like you might not love your baby right away. Like

Nicole Tropiano (51:54.482)

Yeah. And I didn't realize I was gonna say that. I didn't I you know, 'cause I was really thinking about I think that people do say it gets better and you're not alone, but the piece that nobody told me was what what I just shared.

Pauline (52:06.645)

Yeah. There's we we really appreciate you being here and and sharing this and I I know that this episode is gonna mean a lot to a lot of people. So if you're listening and heard anything that resonates like yeah, you're not alone.

Nicole Tropiano (52:19.219)

Well, thank you. I appreciate it. And

Megan (52:28.479)

And we'll put all the resources that we touched on in the show notes, as well as, you know, your group that you're leading, anything and anything else that, you know we'll fli we'll share our love language.

Nicole Tropiano (52:28.542)

Thank you.

Nicole Tropiano (52:38.704)

thank you.

Nicole Tropiano (52:44.094)

Cool. Yeah, I love that. Yeah.

Pauline (52:47.66)

Yeah. This was so much fun. Thank you for being here. And w we might have to have you back because there's a lot to say.

Nicole Tropiano (52:48.872)

Thanks, ladies.

Megan (52:49.879)

Thank you.

Nicole Tropiano (52:53.694)

Thanks for having me.

Yeah, I'll see you soon. I'll be here. I know, I know.

Megan (52:59.276)

Yeah.