Pauline (00:03.801)

Hello and welcome back. I'm Pauline Walfisch and I'm here today with my co-host and our next special guest. So I'm going to let Megan Nelson do the introductions today.

Megan (00:16.66)

Yeah, so I am introducing a very special person to me. Tonight, today, tonight or today, we have, whenever you're listening, for us it's actually today, which is weird that I said tonight, but today we have Diana Aguilar. Wait, hold on, pause. Is that how you, this is not her original last name. Is that how you say your last name? That's what I thought, but I didn't know. Okay, hold on.

Pauline (00:25.335)

Whenever you're listening, it doesn't really matter.

Dianna Aguilar (00:38.16)

Yeah, Diana Aguilar.

Megan (00:46.22)

Let me start over. Today we have a very special person to me on Diana Aguilar is an actress having an appeared in TV and film. She is the co-founder of a sparkling adaptogen infused sparkling water company called Eleve and which is an incredible beverage. My favorite is the strawberry rose one.

Dianna Aguilar (01:13.264)

Beauty.

Pauline (01:13.369)

Ha ha ha

Megan (01:14.552)

called Beauty. Beauty, that is my favorite. You can find it on their website. We'll link it below. You can find out where to buy it. And she has been a friend of mine, a very close friend of mine since 2001. We go all the way back to our first year in drama school and she is a new mom. She's had her first baby.

Dianna Aguilar (01:31.055)

Hahaha.

Megan (01:38.356)

She had her baby in the fall and so of course I did what all good friends do to a postpartum mom and they make them be on their podcast. So today she reluctantly agreed to come on our podcast to talk about being a first-time mom in her very early 40s and so I thought we'd get it out of the way by first of all welcome.

Dianna Aguilar (01:49.744)

Thank you.

Dianna Aguilar (02:04.174)

Thank

Pauline (02:04.292)

And what do you mean reluctantly? we like dragging you here? Okay.

Dianna Aguilar (02:08.97)

No, I mean, it you know, it's, he, it's like, wait, what do mean? I'm 28. What are you talking about? Yeah.

Megan (02:10.094)

No, I think it's the 40s thing. was like talking about being a first time mom in your 40s and you were like, okay. So let's get it out of the way. What they call women who are pregnant over 35. What do they call it?

Pauline (02:21.38)

26.

Dianna Aguilar (02:31.352)

Yes. So for me, after my first appointment, I got the paperwork and it said, elderly vaginal pregnancy.

I was like, I'm sorry, what? Like, do I need to start looking for a nursing home? Like, what is this? They didn't even say geriatric. It was elderly.

Pauline (02:51.79)

gonna need to explain that.

Megan (02:55.5)

Interesting. I thought you were going to say geriatric, yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (02:58.22)

I don't know why they use that term. Also, vaginal pregnancy, like, I don't.

Megan (03:04.17)

I guess you hadn't had a baby before, so maybe if it was like you had had a previous C-section, then maybe they would go ahead and put that on there? I don't know.

Dianna Aguilar (03:14.544)

I have no idea. didn't ask. I was very offended. I had to sit with it in my car for a little bit. I was very confused. But it is what it is.

Pauline (03:16.91)

We'll have to ask one of the OBs or midwives who come.

Megan (03:24.654)

So yeah, when you've got that in mind.

Pauline (03:26.274)

I mean, it's not like the pregnancy was in your vagina.

Dianna Aguilar (03:29.728)

No.

Pauline (03:30.99)

Like I could see if they said like, abdominal pregnancy, ovarian pregnancy, like sometimes.

Dianna Aguilar (03:35.598)

I don't understand. I don't understand.

Megan (03:37.802)

uterus pregnancy. Yeah. So when you

Pauline (03:41.068)

I'm sure there's some, some, some medical reason for, and also, ew.

Dianna Aguilar (03:44.034)

Yeah, well, they give you all the precautions. They give you like, you know, the maternal fetal medicine doctor, high risk, like all the things. I feel like outside of that, I mean, my OB was personally, she was great and she never made me feel like I was super high risk. She always kind of just like brush that into the side, like, yeah, because you're high risk, know, blah, blah, blah. But.

I was pretty healthy. I mean, I've always maintained a healthy lifestyle and, you know, physically active and all the things. So I didn't feel like I was 42 and pregnant, but on paper I was an elder. yeah.

Pauline (04:27.736)

The body keeps the score.

Megan (04:30.094)

So, to talk a little bit about the journey of how you had your baby at 42.

Dianna Aguilar (04:40.91)

like how I came to be pregnant at 42.

Megan (04:43.246)

Sure.

Pauline (04:43.416)

I mean, you don't have to get into all those details.

Megan (04:45.707)

Right.

Dianna Aguilar (04:46.16)

I mean, I feel like it's, you know, not very exciting.

Megan (04:49.358)

No, but like what led you to become a mom? What led you to becoming a mom?

Pauline (04:52.676)

No, no, it was very exciting for whoever's listening. was the most exciting day of your life.

Dianna Aguilar (04:55.406)

It was exciting at the time, you know, it was glorious.

Megan (05:00.974)

Okay, um, no, I mean, why? What, were there any circumstances that led you to having a baby at 42 versus another time in your life?

Dianna Aguilar (05:11.632)

Yeah, mean, I prior I was living in Los Angeles, so I, you know, met my husband in 2012 and we didn't actually become official until 2015, which is still a long time ago. But we're both in the industry. He's a producer and director. I was acting. I was also doing like odd jobs here and there. And we're both living in an apartment. Like it was just it definitely my lifestyle wasn't conducive to having a baby at that time.

And then during the pandemic, you know, things kind of settled down and nothing was really happening in the industry and any industry really. And I started a business with my friend, Sparkling Water Company. And then that kind of led my life at the time. Like I didn't focus on anything else. I didn't have anything else going on in my life. This literally took 100 % of my effort and all of my mental.

and physical capacities. So during the pandemic, my business partner met a guy and they were the opposite of me and my husband. like, you know, immediately got engaged almost and almost immediately. And he wanted to move to Austin. He had always wanted to move to Austin. So they ended up moving to Austin, getting married. And then long story short, our business

transferred from Los Angeles to Austin. So I was then going back and forth between LA and Texas. My family is based in San Antonio and my husband and I had always spoken about like, okay, if we get married, if we have a family, it's either going to be in Michigan where he's from or in Texas where I'm from so that we have that support from our family. You really need a village. And so with my business being in Austin and I was already going back and forth, it kind of just made sense for me to move here.

and then ultimately he followed suit, that whole timeline, just, it doesn't happen overnight. You know, it was like, there was a lot of things going on in between. it took him a long time to wrap up loose ties in LA before he could settle in Texas. And, you know, that was a big move for him. He didn't know anybody here. He didn't have any contacts here. So just a lot going on. and then I had to get my business to a point where.

Dianna Aguilar (07:35.92)

it was more, it wasn't as much of a struggle. There was a little bit more of a rhythm with the business so that I kind of knew what I was doing there and then I could focus on other things. But when my husband did move to Austin in 2023, I think, it was like bam, bam, bam. Like we got engaged, we found a house, I got.

We got married, I got pregnant, done. Now we have a baby. So like, it took us over a decade to get to that point, but then everything happened in like less than a year. It was crazy.

Pauline (08:13.123)

love when that, those things happen because people are always like, I know it seems impulsive, but like there was a slow burn up into this point. Like it's not like we just made this decision.

Dianna Aguilar (08:25.604)

Like we got pregnant or I got pregnant two months after our wedding and everybody was like, my God, that's so fast. And to your point, it's like, this was like 12 years in the making. So.

Megan (08:37.838)

Yeah. Yeah. So you and I have talked about that, like, feeling behind, right? And I've talked about it from my own perspective, which is I had kids that...

Dianna Aguilar (08:45.775)

Mm-hmm.

Megan (08:53.518)

I started having kids at 30, but then shifted gears because I have no family here. I had to pay for it. I couldn't afford childcare. So it's like everything for career wise went on hold for me in order to raise my children and.

then I went back to school and now have this career that I love, and yet there's a part of me that feels behind when it comes to career. And yet, yeah, you've mentioned to me that there's a part of you that feels behind.

Dianna Aguilar (09:19.77)

So funny.

Dianna Aguilar (09:25.708)

Yeah, in motherhood, yeah. I mean, it's funny because the grass is always greener, right? So like, it's just perspectives. But I definitely feel my age when it comes to having a newborn and now having an infant and having a baby. It's like, can't this, the number of times my husband and say this is why people have kids in their 20s and 30s is because the stamina is just not there. Like,

I need my sleep and I am not getting any sleep. I feel my knees like cracking when I pick the baby up off the floor. Like my back hurts. Like everything is sore. I'm just so much more like fatigued, but then I also...

still have other things going on. Like I'm still running a business and like we don't have childcare and you know the family helps where they can but it's like I'm trying to answer emails while I have a screaming baby in the background and it's it's a lot. And I do think that when you're in your 20s and your 30s you definitely or I definitely took my

Pauline (10:29.229)

Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (10:35.6)

youth for granted. Like I spent my energy partying. I spent my energy like clubbing in New York until four in the morning. know? Like I spent my energy, you know, I spent, I mean, was hustling. I was definitely hustling, but it's like for sure, 100%. So I don't think that there's like a right or wrong way of doing things. It's just.

Megan (10:49.314)

You're a hustler though too. You were also out there auditioning. Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (11:01.74)

everything is definitely like in retrospect learned. So.

Pauline (11:05.921)

Yeah. And you're right. The grass is always greener, right? Because I had a baby in my 20s. I to think about that for a second, I think. And like, yeah, I could get down on the floor easier than I could now. But also like I was rationing diapers because like I did not have a bank account or study, you know, a stable career and

Dianna Aguilar (11:08.378)

Bye.

Megan (11:12.078)

ponies.

Dianna Aguilar (11:14.028)

Mm-hmm.

Dianna Aguilar (11:23.898)

Right.

Dianna Aguilar (11:31.888)

Hmm.

Pauline (11:33.119)

and the wisdom and knowledge that I have now. Right? So, you know what? It's a trade-off. And like...

Dianna Aguilar (11:36.782)

Right.

Dianna Aguilar (11:42.722)

And everything happens what I truly believe. mean, the saying isn't a saying for no reason. Like everything happens for a reason.

Pauline (11:50.243)

And we hate that saying, right? Like, it doesn't invalidate all of like the stuff that happened. And you're exactly where you need to be and where you're meant to be right now.

Dianna Aguilar (11:59.15)

You're exactly where you need to be. Exactly, exactly. If I had a baby in my 20s and 30s, it wouldn't be the baby that I have now. And the baby that have now is perfect. like, Exactly.

Pauline (12:09.387)

Right, and you wouldn't be the mom that you are now.

Megan (12:11.502)

Yeah. That was my next question is what do you think that being a mom in your 40s, like what benefits do you have that are you able, what do know now? What are you able to bring to the table that you couldn't in your 20s or 30s?

Dianna Aguilar (12:27.642)

I'm definitely a lot more patient. I think that's the number one thing for me is that because of all of the hustling that I've done in my life, right, rejected like all the time as an actor in business, things failing all the time, having multiple breakdowns with work, having multiple breakdowns with different relationships, having, you know, going through several moves.

everything in my life I've learned, I have like a sense of calm these days when it comes to struggle. Like anything that doesn't work out, whether it's traffic, whether it's, you know, running late for something, whether it's like a bad batch in our sparkling water where we wasted $20,000. anything that happens, my answer these days is just like, okay.

what's next, like what's the worst case scenario? And it's, everything can be figured out and time like works through everything, even death, like even, you know, people getting sick and it's like the circle of life, like everything, you know, blooms again. So it's like, I just have this, definitely not a zen state of mind, but like, I have a, I'm at peace.

Megan (13:49.076)

You

Dianna Aguilar (13:54.926)

with a lot of things that don't go my way. And I didn't have that in my 20s and 30s. So like, case in point, last night I had a screaming baby for literally five hours. I was trying to calm her down and she, I don't know what she wants, she can't talk. And it was very frustrating and I felt myself feeling all the emotions and getting frustrated and everything like that. But then it's like, she looks up and she smiles every now and then. I'm like, you're so cute. And then there's just this voice in my head that's like,

What's the worst that's happening? She's crying? Like she's not gonna remember this tomorrow. She's not gonna remember this a month from now. You're not gonna remember this a month from now. This is just a moment. So I feel like if I was younger, I wouldn't have that capability. I would probably spiral and I would probably, you know, I just didn't have that patience.

Pauline (14:35.553)

Yeah.

Pauline (14:39.372)

Yeah.

Pauline (14:43.234)

Yeah, we all know that like little kids are resilient, right? They can fall, they can bang their knee and then they get back up and like go.

Dianna Aguilar (14:51.204)

Mm-hmm.

Pauline (14:53.098)

And then I think as adults or teens, like we lose some of that resilience and then maybe with age it starts to come back, right? And like as a trauma therapist, we call it like adaptive information, right? Like the bad things still happened and also like, I believe I can handle it or I'm gonna make some meaning out of it.

Dianna Aguilar (15:00.154)

Come back. Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (15:16.022)

Mm-hmm.

Megan (15:17.162)

made it through it on the other side and we're still here. Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (15:19.866)

Mm-hmm.

Pauline (15:20.63)

Yeah.

Megan (15:23.404)

What was it like for you when your friends were having kids before you? For instance, you would come over and see my babies, you know? Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (15:27.344)

So, yes, yes. I mean, it was always like, just so obviously so happy for everybody and kids are so cute. One of the things that you and I spoke about, Megan, before was that I didn't know that my friends needed the support that they did when they were going through.

pregnancy and childbirth and raising a child. So you don't know, you just don't know. It's like this secret code of motherhood that like, parenthood too, because dads go through it too, but it's like, you just don't know until you're there, until you experience it. So I told Megan, I didn't realize that my friends needed more than a, my gosh, your kid is so cute text. Like they needed.

Pauline (15:54.262)

Hmm.

Pauline (16:09.143)

Bye.

Dianna Aguilar (16:19.938)

check-ins, needed calls, they needed, if I'm local, they needed somebody to come over and hold the baby so that they could wash their hair. They needed somebody like, like I told my sister-in-law the other day who had two kids, her babies were 13 months apart. I'm like, how did you do this? Like if I had known, I would have been around so much more. Like I would have flown in from California and like stayed with you for a week. Like I would have, you know what I mean? It's you don't know. And so.

For me, my kids have kids, watching my friends have kids was like, it was fun, I guess, to look at from the outside. But so cute. But in retrospect, I regret not being there for them more. like, you know, for you, Megan, like you were, I still, I'm blown away. I'm blown away by any. No.

Pauline (16:58.912)

Yeah, that baby's so cute.

Pauline (17:14.38)

I think she was just gonna say you were a hot mess.

Dianna Aguilar (17:18.912)

No, you seem to have it so together, but I'm like thinking about it and I'm like, you were taking the subway with a newborn, like you were going up and down stairs, you had dogs that you had to walk, like I don't understand how you did it.

Megan (17:32.898)

there's a reason we moved out of the city after the second one I was like this is the worst

Dianna Aguilar (17:34.724)

Yeah, for sure, for sure, but it's... Yeah.

Pauline (17:40.032)

Yeah. So, so if you if all of your friends had babies before and or not all of them, but lots of them had babies before you, like you were at the other end, you must have heard about like all of the complications of pregnancy and delivery and all the horror stories that might happen. Right. Like you must have. Do you think you did?

Dianna Aguilar (17:40.538)

But yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (17:48.562)

a yeah.

Megan (18:02.766)

We saved her from that. We thought we did.

Dianna Aguilar (18:05.73)

I think that moms talk about it with other moms who have gone through it. But you don't really talk about it to like, I'm trying to because they don't relate. Well, you don't scare them but also

Megan (18:14.604)

You don't want scare them from having kids.

Pauline (18:17.289)

You think you would scare her out of wanting to have children?

Megan (18:21.866)

No, but I'm not gonna tell you about my shoulder dystocia because it might not ever happen to her, you know? So I'm like, why would I put that on her?

Dianna Aguilar (18:28.462)

Yeah, I mean, I have friends who don't have kids now or like, you know, they're younger, they're in their 30s. there's no reason, I haven't really spoken to them about my labor. I haven't spoken to them about, you know, raising kids. Like sure, if they check in and they're like, how are you doing? I'm like, my God, it's so hard. But like, you can't really indulge because it's kind of, I don't know.

It's just difficult to relate to somebody who hasn't been through it. And I understand that. And I was never that person for my friends who had kids.

Pauline (19:00.181)

Yeah.

Megan (19:01.518)

talking about we don't know what's normal for other people. Something can happen to us and we're like, that was weird. So like, why would I talk about it when it's not going to happen for them? Right.

Dianna Aguilar (19:07.502)

Yes. Yes. That too. Yes.

For sure, 100%.

Pauline (19:15.967)

Right. But then we wind up in this vacuum where like only the people who know or the people who've been through it and then the people who have never heard of it or been through it suddenly wind up there and they're like, I didn't know this could happen.

Dianna Aguilar (19:31.502)

Right. Yeah. It's, I don't know. I find myself more and more, because oddly I have a lot of people in my life that are pregnant right now. Like a lot. In their late 30s, mid 30s, early 40s. As we speak, I have like three friends that are pregnant in their 40s. So it's definitely a lot more common now. But what I'm finding is I am reaching out to those people so much more.

than I ever did before. knew motherhood at all.

Pauline (20:05.329)

even though some days are really hard for you still.

Dianna Aguilar (20:08.868)

Definitely, yeah, definitely. But I know that like, I know what the isolation of pregnancy feels like and I know what the isolation of like postpartum feels like and it's like I wanna be that support for them that I felt I needed.

Pauline (20:25.439)

Yeah. So before we turn the camera on, you were talking about, know, how how and I'll let you tell the story however you want to. But, you know, things didn't didn't always go the way that you thought that they might. Right. And as a trauma therapist, I was like, OK, are you you're OK talking about this? Like, we don't want to retraumatize you. And you told us like you're you totally got it. You're doing your own work.

Dianna Aguilar (20:41.39)

Mm-hmm.

Dianna Aguilar (20:45.252)

Thank

Dianna Aguilar (20:52.432)

you

Pauline (20:53.611)

feel good talking about it, and have all of the tools that you need to be able to manage any feelings that come up for you. And you have a great friend you can call for some extra support anytime. But what was that like, having been not the first person in your group to have a baby and then finding yourself in an unexpected situation?

Dianna Aguilar (21:01.381)

Hahaha.

Dianna Aguilar (21:12.474)

giving birth.

Dianna Aguilar (21:22.67)

Well, I had mentioned that, you know, I had a birth plan and I wanted to do everything like in the ideal, like you have this ideal birth story in your head. Originally, I wanted to have a home birth, but we live in the country and the nearest hospital is 40 minutes away. So that didn't seem smart.

especially being an elder. Right, right. So my elder brain kicked in and I was like, I shouldn't I should probably be closer to a hospital. So we I spoke to my OB about it and decided to have a hospital birth. But I went a really long time. I went forty one and half weeks and

Pauline (21:49.953)

So wise, so wise.

Dianna Aguilar (22:14.224)

my OB was kind of scaring me a little bit. Like, I don't want you to go to 42 and this could happen. And I had a doula who also happens to be our good friend who we went to school with. And she was just telling me, you know, like, you can do whatever you want, but this baby is healthy and it seems like she's comfortable in there. And, you know, women do give birth at 42 weeks. And I don't know, I just kind of felt like I could wait, but I ended up listening to my doctor and getting induced.

So against my, what I originally wanted, I got induced and it ended up being a very, very, very difficult labor. And the other thing I wanted wanting a natural birth was I didn't want to be medicated. So I didn't take the epidural and I labored unmedicated for about 24 hours.

a little under 24 hours and it was really, really intense. It was exhausting. My husband, myself and my doula, none of us had slept in like three days. Like it was, it was a very, very long, painful process. And then the baby wasn't dropping. I ended up getting induced again with a higher dose. And then that just made everything kind of like spiral.

where my doctor was like, you're going to need the epidural. Like your body has been through it and this is too much trauma for your body. So I ended up getting the shot. And then, I ended up pushing for about three hours, but the baby's shoulder was getting stuck and she wasn't coming out. So then after pushing for three hours, my water had been broken for over 24 hours. The doctor was like, this is way too much. We need to get her out. We're going into the OR.

Megan (23:39.246)

Bye.

Dianna Aguilar (24:08.876)

So ended up having the cesarean and then she came out like super fast and I was just like bawling. Like it was just so, so, so much that happened in over those like two days basically. And the cesarean, okay, I think going through that long, long labor, pushing for as long as I did, having the cesarean and then my doctor stitched my abdominal muscles together.

so that was like an added surgery on top of the surgery. And I had a really, really difficult recovery. I needed to like, I needed help going to the bathroom a week after the, the surgery. cause I could barely move and then, you know, taking care of the newborn as well and waking up every couple of hours to nurse and you know, all the things like bleeding nonstop. mean, you don't hear all that stuff.

as the first time, I'm like, you guys know it, you're nodding, you're like, yep, that happens, but it's like, nobody really prepares you for this stuff.

Megan (25:08.149)

Yeah.

Megan (25:14.552)

Yeah, I think nobody tell the thing.

Megan (25:21.662)

The thing is that nobody tells you, they say, well, you know, there's a chance like in an emergency you would need a C-section. But nobody describes what the emergency is like to know that it's an emergency. You don't know like, what does that mean exactly? What does the emergency sound like or look like? How would I know? All of a sudden you're like in a C-section and you're like, wait, this is the emergency? Wait, I didn't know, you know.

Dianna Aguilar (25:26.678)

chance. Right.

Dianna Aguilar (25:33.986)

Right.

Dianna Aguilar (25:38.318)

Right.

Dianna Aguilar (25:47.18)

Right.

Pauline (25:47.422)

Right, and it's for all the reasons you said earlier, Megan, like why are we gonna go through all of the possible what ifs for something that might not ever happen?

Dianna Aguilar (25:54.722)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then like even the changes, the physical changes to your body, like the C-section shelf, like I didn't know anything about that. Like I've always been so like physically fit and strong and like then I've got this like hanging skin and you know people are like, just get a tummy tuck. It's like.

Megan (26:14.562)

Yeah, let me do that with all my extra cash and time.

Dianna Aguilar (26:15.28)

Sure. I'll get right on that.

Pauline (26:18.848)

And also like, wait, another abdominal surgery? Like you haven't recovered from the first one.

Dianna Aguilar (26:22.096)

100 % another recovery and like, if I have another baby and like, I don't know, just all the swelling. mean, I'm, still, seven months later, I still can't wear my wedding rings. This is my mom's mother's ring. I'm married to my siblings. Like it's ridiculous. Like all the swelling and just not feeling like yourself and not feeling like, you know, you have, it's like an out of body experience, you know?

Pauline (26:35.978)

You

Megan (26:36.126)

You

Dianna Aguilar (26:51.364)

But nobody prepares you for that. But honestly, I don't know if people can really prepare you for that because you kind of just have to go through it.

Megan (26:59.937)

have been helpful.

Dianna Aguilar (27:02.178)

Okay, I think what would have been helpful is knowing recovery processes, like recovery processes that,

that I kind of had discovered myself on YouTube. like pelvic floor therapy, for example. My doctor never spoke about pelvic floor therapy. Like I found out about that. I hadn't even heard of pelvic floor therapy. Call me naive. I had never heard of pelvic floor therapy. I didn't know that was a thing. And

Pauline (27:36.286)

I remember the first time I heard about it, I was like, wait a minute, so like you're actually going up there? And they're like, yeah. And I was like,

Dianna Aguilar (27:42.156)

Yeah.

Megan (27:43.79)

I mean there are women paying themselves for 20 years before they're like, that's an option. Yeah

Dianna Aguilar (27:49.018)

Pelvic floor therapy, right. That should be something that you're planning for in advance. Like find a place to go to in case this happens. Learn the exercises in advance so that you can start doing them from home if you need to. Scar massaging. Like nobody ever spoke to me about that, scar mobilization. It's like you have the baby, you have one checkup at the OB and then they're like, okay, we'll see you in six months. Bye.

And I don't know, I just feel like it is extremely isolating. It's this monumental task that you spend months preparing for any major executive job in the world, but nobody prepares you for what's to come after childbirth. And now you have this little human being that you're responsible for. What?

Pauline (28:43.392)

Right, and a C-section is major abdominal surgery.

Dianna Aguilar (28:46.53)

major abdominal surgery. That was one of the YouTube videos that I watched. She was talking about her son who had like a jaw fracture and he had to have surgery. And she was like, the doctors for weeks were talking about scar mobilization. She was like, I don't understand why they never talk about that with cesarean. Cause like I'm, I still get shooting pains and that's the other thing. Like you're going to be feeling pain for the next year, possibly. Like what?

Pauline (29:14.944)

Cause there's nerves, right?

Dianna Aguilar (29:16.048)

Yeah, everything's feeling. I have an abdominal muscle spasm that never goes away. It's like a constant like cramp. It's weird. So weird. Everybody heals different.

Megan (29:27.746)

Yeah, well, and that is also the thing too, and that what you were describing, like going through the trauma of birth and then getting a C-section is like two births. It's like you're having the labor and then you have, so it is different than if someone has an elected C-section because of whatever reason, they're not going through labor. That is a different experience even. Right.

Dianna Aguilar (29:40.847)

Yes.

labor going through the contractions. Yep.

Dianna Aguilar (29:50.81)

for sure.

They're preparing for that as well. They're preparing for that recovery. They're in the good mental space. It's like

Pauline (30:01.266)

An elective c-section and a emergency c-section are just two totally different experiences. And I've worked with tons of people who have had both, the first one being the emergency, the second one being a planned. And I think they all come back and they were like, hey, that was like, if that had happened the first time, wouldn't have like, it's like.

Dianna Aguilar (30:06.256)

emergency.

Megan (30:09.486)

Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (30:10.212)

Worlds apart, worlds apart.

Megan (30:25.678)

100%. I only had.

Dianna Aguilar (30:26.201)

Right.

Pauline (30:28.254)

You walk in, everybody's calm, nobody's rushing, you know what's happening, they had take the time to explain to you, we're taking pictures, like...

Dianna Aguilar (30:35.234)

Also, all of the emotions because like, so I saw this image that somebody had done and they'd shared it on Facebook and it was a woman that had a cesarean and you've got like the cover, like the sheet that they put.

Pauline (30:52.212)

the sheet.

Dianna Aguilar (30:53.112)

And then she's holding the baby in her arms and she's smiling and she's like looking down at the baby and it was talking about like a planned c-section versus a emergency c-section. But this specific post was about an emergency c-section and that was the image. And I commented, I was like, maybe exchange that image for like a balling mess that has just been through exhaustive like labor and like contractions and vomiting and bleat and like.

Pauline (31:22.12)

Right. Strapped down, shivering.

Dianna Aguilar (31:22.948)

literally like scrapped out squatting, you haven't slept and, you know, over 24 hours, like crying, wailing. the picture of me with my baby after my cesarean, I'm like, like, it's such a, it's such a release. It's such a like buildup. And then all of a sudden in like 10 seconds, your entire world has changed versus like having, you know.

Megan (31:24.716)

Can't move your arms fast.

Megan (31:41.379)

Yeah.

Pauline (31:48.746)

Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (31:51.35)

mental preparation prior.

Megan (31:53.902)

You know, I think that point of like to go back to the plan cesarean, it's like I did not have an emergency cesarean. had a complicated delivery and then a plan cesarean. And what you're describing, it's like my husband and I looked at each other and we're like, are we in Grey's Anatomy? Because it was like, first of all, we had only women in the delivery room or the...

operating room. They were beautiful. They're playing music. They were like joking. The lights were warm. was like, yeah, I was like, my gosh, if I had known I would have signed up for this, which I don't recommend. But like, but I felt like it. I'm like compared to what I went through before. I was like, this is awesome. No.

Pauline (32:24.369)

It's a great day to have a baby!

Dianna Aguilar (32:28.961)

and

Dianna Aguilar (32:35.172)

Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (32:38.786)

Yeah, and then my husband was traumatized because he went behind and he like, he's like, I saw your insides on your outside. He was like, they're talking about he's like, they're talking about hemorrhaging. I'm like, is my wife gonna die? He is traumatized.

Pauline (32:45.262)

he looked. He looked. Don't look.

Megan (32:56.364)

Meanwhile, when it's planned, they're like, it's gonna feel like rummaging in your purse. And you're like, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (33:00.878)

Yeah.

Pauline (33:02.419)

Yeah, no, and I mean, I'm so glad you mentioned him because like, we often don't think about the fathers who are there watching it, part of it, worrying about their baby and their partner.

Dianna Aguilar (33:16.29)

he was so worried. Well, when I going through that labor, when I was, I told you I had gone unmedicated and then towards the end of it.

like after the 24th hour when my doctor was like, we're gonna have to up the pitocin, you're gonna be in a lot more pain, you want the epidural and I started crying because I felt like I failed. Like I was like, I have to get a shot and he's like, honey, I wanted you to take the shot like 12 hours ago. Like, he's like, like, I hate seeing you like this. Like it really, really affected him.

Pauline (33:50.409)

Yeah.

Megan (33:52.155)

that feeling like you failed, like look how much work you did and yet you still felt like you failed. That makes me so sad. I know, but I know what that's like, you know? It's like to feel like, this means something if I can do it without.

Dianna Aguilar (33:55.64)

I know. I know.

Dianna Aguilar (34:06.287)

Hmm.

Pauline (34:08.969)

Well, we could do a whole other episode on why women feel like they have to tough it out in order to do a good job.

Megan (34:21.718)

Okay, so, I, you know I could talk to you all day, but we're gonna have dinner in a couple weeks. instead, we're gonna...

Dianna Aguilar (34:29.07)

Ha ha ha.

Pauline (34:32.689)

I may just show up. just saying like

Megan (34:34.422)

You can! Yeah, you're gonna blessed in there. Yeah. So, so when it comes to what no mom told you, what you had to learn the hard way to like tie it up in a bow, what would you say that was?

Dianna Aguilar (34:34.852)

Go for it. Yeah. Why not?

Dianna Aguilar (34:52.836)

to give yourself a pat on the back and a good job and know that like you don't have to be perfect. You don't need the answers to everything. Your baby.

your baby doesn't know that your hair is a mess. Your baby doesn't know that like you didn't get any sleep. You know, your baby is like this innocent being that all they want is for you to love them and to take care of them. And so everything else is secondary. And so it's easy to forget that it's easy to like put stress on

other things like, my gosh, I haven't eaten lunch today because I can't put the baby down. You're going to get to eat again. Like, you know what I mean? Like the. And you can also put the baby down, the baby can cry and she's not going to die like she'll be fine. Like put the baby down. So I think that's it. Like just allowing yourself to not feel so much pressure and not feel like, you know, the world is going to end if you don't get A, B and C done.

Megan (35:52.942)

you can put the baby down and they can cry and you can extend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (36:11.856)

in that order. 100%. 100%. Yeah. So I think that's the biggest thing. That's the biggest thing for me is just learning that like when I'm driving and the baby's crying in the back, it's okay. She's just, she's teething. Her bones are cutting through her gums. There's nothing you can do about it. It sucks. But like, again, it's not the end of the world. Baby's teeth.

Pauline (36:14.115)

Including your birth plan.

Dianna Aguilar (36:39.694)

They hurt. They're gonna cry. And it's taken me some time to learn that because as a new mom especially, you're constantly on edge and you're constantly on like pins and needles. And for me, I felt like I was letting everyone down. Like, I didn't get back to so-and-so who texted me three days ago. Like, my mom wants to see the baby, but like I haven't had a chance to respond to her. Like, just stop and just give yourself grace and give yourself, you know.

encouraging words and know that you are literally the best thing for this baby and you're doing an amazing job.

Megan (37:17.262)

Well, you're doing an amazing job. I'm so happy to see you as a mom and as my friend and as an incredible businesswoman and all of the things. And I love you.

Pauline (37:17.363)

There you said it.

Dianna Aguilar (37:18.702)

Thank you.

Dianna Aguilar (37:27.034)

Thank you. I love you.

Pauline (37:28.852)

And as a elder mom, I will leave you with this. Me, me as an elder mom, right? Like you said your baby won't like, is crying because their gums are hurting and they won't be a baby forever. And you will be a mom forever.

Dianna Aguilar (37:32.079)

Yes.

Megan (37:32.174)

you

Dianna Aguilar (37:35.932)

I thought you meant like elderly, like, like, because we're all elder. I'm an elder.

Megan (37:40.908)

Hahaha!

Pauline (37:53.159)

and your baby, no matter how small, medium, or large they are, will at some point hurt and feel and cry, and that's okay. You're a good mom.

Dianna Aguilar (38:02.234)

Mm-hmm.

Dianna Aguilar (38:06.628)

You're all good moms.

Pauline (38:06.782)

It doesn't stop when they're infants. I'm giving you a little foreshadowing here. Like the next part will also be bumpy. Postpartum is forever. And you have the right attitude, right? Like I'm doing what I need to do.

Dianna Aguilar (38:11.856)

Yeah.

Megan (38:17.186)

Yeah, it also sucks. Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (38:17.188)

sure.

Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (38:28.438)

On that note, I would like to add that I personally don't like the term postpartum depression. I think, I hate that term. I think that it's very dismissive of the real feelings that are inevitable.

when you give birth to a child. And I was telling this to my cousin because she was like, I'm so nervous I'm going to get postpartum depression. And I was like, you're going to have breakdowns. Like there's going to be nights where you're going to literally be sobbing uncontrollably and you're going to feel like pulling your hair out. But that's just because of the given circumstances that you're dealing with. Like it's not, and like you just lost a ton of, like your hormone levels literally just dropped in.

matter of seconds and like you know it's it's it's so normal to feel these things but people I mean you guys are the experts so you you know more than me but like I feel like there's not enough I'll use the word again I hate this word I feel like it's overused but I feel like there's not enough grace given to women who are going through very very real

trauma that comes from having going through labor and going through pregnancy and going through childbirth and having a newborn and everything.

Pauline (39:55.771)

And there is definitely a spectrum of like, what is normal and what is postpartum depression. Like, I don't think we can, I think you're right, lumping it all together.

Dianna Aguilar (40:00.642)

Right. And I think a lot of times, right. And I think a lot of times people label something that's normal as like, I think that there's real postpartum depression, but I feel like that term is used very loosely. And it's like, my gosh, I'm having a bad night and I'm super stressed. And it's like, she has postpartum depression.

Megan (40:22.584)

Well, that's telling us that we need to really put out a PMAD episode too.

Pauline (40:22.654)

Yeah.

Dianna Aguilar (40:26.726)

Rain.

Pauline (40:27.462)

Yeah. Do you know the word matressence? Maybe we need a matressence episode. Right? It's the developmental phase of becoming a mom, like similar to adolescence, right? It's the hormone shift, the identity changes, the mood fluctuations. That is just a normal part of being a mom.

Dianna Aguilar (40:30.265)

Uh-uh.

Dianna Aguilar (40:35.332)

Ooh.

Dianna Aguilar (40:40.56)

you

Dianna Aguilar (40:50.148)

Right.

Megan (40:50.232)

And you're right, it's different from the peanut.

Pauline (40:50.608)

And then sometimes there's additional depression, anxiety, rage, OCD. Like you can have all sorts of what we call PMADS, perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. It's like a umbrella term, but yeah, I hear you. Like things just get sort of like swept up in that term, postpartum depression and either pathologized or minimized.

Dianna Aguilar (41:05.37)

Hmm.

Dianna Aguilar (41:16.016)

Because then it almost makes, I feel, mothers feel like they have to put on a happy face because it's like, oh, I don't want to scare my husband, or I don't want to scare my mom, or I don't want to scare people into thinking that I have postpartum depression. But it's like, no, you're allowed to be really stressed out. You're allowed to be like, you know, feel defeated. Right.

Pauline (41:32.786)

Yeah. Yeah. And no matter what it is, you don't have to do it alone.

Megan (41:34.328)

Well, let's see how.

Pauline (41:39.964)

Right? That's what we're just constantly telling people like, you don't have to do this alone.

Dianna Aguilar (41:48.62)

I love that you guys are there for these women too, that maybe feel alone.

Pauline (41:48.67)

So.

Pauline (41:52.338)

Well, and so are you because sharing your story makes that easier for somebody listening to be like, me too.

Dianna Aguilar (41:59.951)

Yeah.

Pauline (42:01.938)

Thank you.

Dianna Aguilar (42:02.864)

Of course. Thank you guys. Yay. Bye guys.

Megan (42:03.096)

Thank you. You're the best.